Video | Day 29

[hashtagparkerluck]

[ Peter doesn't look nearly as energetic today and it's way earlier than he's usually seen as it's probably not much of a secret that he sleeps late. Really late. ]

Hey everyone-so I have a quick little PSA for you all and then I'm gonna go back to trying ta sleep I guess. Maybe it'll work out better. Um... anyways uh... I tried not to let it get to me buuuuut it did. So yeah-

Don't ever, ever say that what someone went through doesn't matter. It just makes you look like a jerk. It doesn't matter if you know what they've gone through or not-don't say it.

It does matter to them and you have no idea why or how much it mattered. So yeah, just don't say it.

that's all I have. I'm going to bed. 'Night.

Comments

Action wherever Peter is:

[hibana_incursa]

Who said what and when?

his bed, hopefully Aunt May doesn't walk in

[hashtagparkerluck]

[ He lets her curl onto the almost impossibly small bed with him and twists to face her, a little ashamed that he let it get to him so much. ]

I shouldn't have let it-just... When Mr stark said that Edge didn't know what I've been through he said that it didn't matter because everyone's been through stuff and I know that-he's right but at the same time-without like... trying to like make a contest of it he has no right to say that because what I went through-a lot of it was pretty bad. But I also know that I-that other people have it worse than I do and I'm not saying that I had it worse because it's just not a contest but I feel like if I argue then I'm making it contest.

[sell_tickets]

[A nod. He was slowly figuring this odd thing out.] "Especially never say it to a woman you happen to be courting. By treating what someone cares about as if it matters, you are treating the person you are talking to as if they matter. Uncle Saetan drilled that lesson into our heads before any of us boyos could misstep too terribly, thankfully."

[hashtagparkerluck]

No.

No Especially. It is a blanket thing-don't say it to anyone. Period. Male, Female, intersex, non-binary, trans-don't say it. It's not cool.

Video

[sonoflucis]

[Noct doesn't know Peter yet, but he is seriously sorry for him.]

What a shitty thing to say. I'm sorry if that was said to you.

Video

[hashtagparkerluck]

Not to me, about me. But it was said where I could hear it so how different is it, really?

[chronosexual]

We all process trauma our own ways. I know we don't know each other all that well but, hey, if you need an ear, I'm a pretty good listener.

[hashtagparkerluck]

That or we don't process it at all and it keeps up for years and you get a shiny platinum membership to club insomnia.

...

I'm sorry, it's really nice of you to offer but I think more than anything right now, I just need sleep.

[notapprovedtrash]

The experiences a person has in life, good or bad, shape you. Someone can deny it all they want, but it’s true. Try telling their experience doesn’t matter to someone who almost drowned as a kid and now have a fear of water. Or were bitten by some animal and now feel uncomfortable around that animal. Or someone who has PTSD from something terrible. Sorry to say it to whoever said that about you. [ Except he isn’t at all sorry and is baffled that anyone would be that ignorant. ] But that’s definitely a sign that someone’s experiences absolutely matter.

[hashtagparkerluck]

I don't know that I have PTSD but um.. I agree with you, of course.

[onehandsomeslickninja]

I'll probably regret this, but I'm going to try to explain it as calmly and patiently as I can.

You left out the context. The situation was that one person was defending another's behavior by invoking what they'd been through. Saying those events don't matter, in this case, means that it isn't an excuse for the behavior. Nothing more.

Let me give you an example. A man stabs a woman. Bad behavior, right? Does it matter that the woman reminds him of an old lover who betrayed him? Does it matter that he was trained to kill from a young age? No. The woman's still stabbed. The act was still wrong. What the guy had been through doesn't matter.

A man betrays his best friend. But that man has secretly been jealous of his best friend and in love with that friend's wife. Does that make the betrayal okay? Does his pain and jealousy excuse it? It does not. The act is still wrong.

You see a man preparing to hurl a wall of flames into a town. Do you stop to ask his history? When he says, "You have no idea what I've been through," do you back off and let him do it?

Whatever pain people have, whatever they've endured, it doesn't change the nature of right and wrong. They still make their choices. They can succumb, or they can grow. So yes, those events matter to them on a personal level. But when it comes to what they do... no. They don't matter. What matters is the choices you make.

That man from the second example. I asked why we should let him back. What if he was weak enough to succumb to that influence again? What would we do when the evil we fought claims his heart again?

He didn't say it wouldn't happen. He didn't say we should understand his pain, or sympathize with him, or forgive him, or even try to restore his heart again. His answer was simply, "Kill me without a second thought."

He made his choice, to die before causing anyone any more harm. And that was when I could rest assured that he was on our side to stay, and trust him with my life in battle.

[hashtagparkerluck]

Okay so like... putting aside that that none of that has anything to do with what I just said-I'm gonna focus on the fact you chose to kill someone that obviously needed some kind of psychological help.

When someone comes to you and says they want to die you figure out what went wrong-why they're so upset and you try and help them you don't just go 'oh, okay-stab.' That's horrifying

and that really doesn't equate at all. Like I get what you think you're trying to say-but that's not what you're saying. If I went out and-I don't know... kicked a puppy or something equally as bad-no what I went through would not excuse that behavior. But I would never do that because I don't wanna hurt anyone. Even if they hurt me-it's just not how I operate.

What happened is that I told you, based on historical facts, in my world monarchies just aren't a good idea and for some reason you thought that was the deepest insult I could possibly dish out. Rather than accept that my world has had bad experiences with monarchs you just go straight for the throat and try to tear me down with-what was it. I shirk responsibility because I'm scared of it? I have to have Gwen feed my sense of self importance?

And then Mr Stark came at you and said you had no idea what I had been through. But I'm not hear to throw a pity party and try and earn your sympathy. I'm just here to say it was shitty, and don't do it again.

[notapprovedtrash]

Just...before I say anything? Keep in mind I'm trying to remain impartial and not take sides. But I want to tell you something that I heard someone say a good, long while ago.

If you go around expecting to see offense in everything someone says or does, you're always going to have reason to be offended. Much like if you expect everything to end in a fight, you'll end up in a fight. But you brought it on yourself. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[mtsilver_conquor]

Of course what you went through matters. Be it yesterday or month or even ten years ago, it matters and no-one has the right to say it doesn't.

[hashtagparkerluck]

Thanks Ms Eva, I think I really needed to hear that.

Voice

[dredefulchilde]

If I have ever made you feel that way, please know it was entirely unintentional. I’m sorry.

Voice

[hashtagparkerluck]

What? No! It was nothing you did.

video;

[mynameisallen]

As someone who... has gone through a lot. Even I know what a person goes through can affect a person in many different ways and that it matters to them and affects them.

I've learned to understand that we've all gone through something and that it matters because it helps us understand that person in a way we might not have before.

[Like he understood Kanda a lot more after knowing about his past a tiny bit. Why he would be the way he was.]

Re: video;

[hibana_incursa]

My mom always taught me that you pay the same level of respect to the janitor as you would the CEO of some massive company simply because they're alive and you don't know their story, so that's what I try to do.

Note I said 'try'. I'm not the best at it.

[sendiintheclown]

Agreed. Trauma is not something to be compared, and no one has the right to deny another person's experiences.

[hashtagparkerluck]

Thank you for picking up on the exact point I was making.

video

[sacrament_of_blood]

[There's what is clearly a teenage girl with red eyes and sharp teeth on the screen.]

I know not what this is about, but it is true that everyone have their own experiences in life and not everyone reacts the same to the same experience.

Some fellow Slayers I held dear as comrades perished in the ongoing war we are waging against the Empty Ones, may they rest in the peace and safety of death. Some I had fought with for near to ten years.

Other than that, I have had a happy enough life. I can only hope the same holds true for you.

: video

[hashtagparkerluck]

[ Honestly, he doesn't even flinch-actually he thinks she's pretty. ]

Uh... no. Not even close. I mean it hasn't been all bad, but usually if something good happens in my life something extra bad is about to happen. So that's... you know. Keeps me guessing.

[laurefindil]

Thank you for reminding us all. I think some of the people here may have backgrounds where they are not as familiar with how to operate in polite society, or how to empathize with others.

Action- Later

[runs_on_batteries]

[After briefly checking that Peter ended up falling asleep, Tony sets a note on the table next to the young man requesting to be notified when he's awake again.

He arrives with a quick knock at the door, carrying some freshly made cookies on a plate.]

Action- Later

[hashtagparkerluck]

[ Unfortunately, Peter doesn't manage nearly as much sleep as he'd like or even needs but that's part of insomnia so it wasn't as if he was expecting to get a lot of sleep. He rolls off his bed at the sound of someone knocking and answers the door. ]

Oh, hey Mr Stark-sorry I missed breakfast.

[ He says, sure that he slept right through their usual morning routine. He still looks tired-his hair is a mess and he's in pajamas that wrinkled in places like he just rolled out of bed because well, he did. ]