voidtreckernet | Video

Entry tags:

Video | Day 29

[ Peter doesn't look nearly as energetic today and it's way earlier than he's usually seen as it's probably not much of a secret that he sleeps late. Really late. ]

Hey everyone-so I have a quick little PSA for you all and then I'm gonna go back to trying ta sleep I guess. Maybe it'll work out better. Um... anyways uh... I tried not to let it get to me buuuuut it did. So yeah-

Don't ever, ever say that what someone went through doesn't matter. It just makes you look like a jerk. It doesn't matter if you know what they've gone through or not-don't say it.

It does matter to them and you have no idea why or how much it mattered. So yeah, just don't say it.

that's all I have. I'm going to bed. 'Night.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Tony doesn't mind. He's used to Peter and his messy habits by now. He's not exactly a clean freak either.]

From what I gather from him, this kingdom of ninjas with strict discipline sounds a lot like brainwashing to me. I don't believe it's in him to question the validity of that or he'd have to face whatever was done to him.

[He sighed.]

I think he has a few screws loose too, so I'd stay away from him. I know you can handle yourself but if he hurts you then I'll have to kill him and that's a real headache. The cleanup alone would be a hassle...

[ Peter's caught off guard in the middle of a yawn and makes face at that. ]

Brain washed Ninjas, really? [ Why can't Ned be here? He really needs to tell him about brain washed Ninjas. ]

Nah, I told Gwen she could kick his ass and she said that wouldn't really solve anything and just prove him right, so I definitely don't wanna do that. But like... he's also kinda right-I mean not that shirk responsibility I did that once. and only Once. and uh... [ Uncle Ben paid the price for it. He takes in a breath and shakes his head. ] But everyone's gone through stuff-and some people have been through even worse than me and they're way more uh... well adjusted so I'm-why is that that I can't seem to get over it? and that seems like a harsh way to put it, really. But can't I seem to just move on?

[He smiled softly at the first part. He knew Peter would never be okay with violence or anyone getting murdered. It was nice getting affirmed that he knew this kid as well as he did.

The rest, of course, wiped any trace of a smile off his face and he was quiet for a moment. He did the next best thing he could think of to do and that was draw the kid into a hug.]

You're really young to have gone through what you have.

[He wondered this a lot himself, but he was going to give his best shot at finding an answer Peter could hold on to.]

You've had some very tragic things happen to you and you have a really big heart. It's part of your personality and something that's just you. There's a reason why everyone on this train but Edge loves you. It's one of your greatest strengths, but it makes your heart a bigger target and it's harder to protect. I think some of these experiences you've had are going to make you a much greater Avenger. You know how it feels to lose people and to get hurt. You're going to work that much harder to keep it from happening to someone else and that's admirable.

Don't get me wrong though. I'm not saying it was fate or some other crappy reason it happened. I think it just did. You got a bad hand. What I'm saying is you can use it to your advantage. You just need to spend some time repairing it so it stops hurting you.

[ Peter leans into the hug, accepting it without question and just stays there because it feels safe. Another thing he's going to have to learn to live without, a darker part of his mind reminds him. ]

[ Tony's right though-because of everything that Peter's been through he's more determined than most to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else. That was the main reason he became Spider-Man. Because he made a bad choice and now he has to pay for it every single day. ]

There are some days I don't think it'll ever stop hurting and then there are some where I don't think about stuff as much and then I do again and then I feel bad about not thinking about it?

.... [ He sucks in another breath, trying to balance his thoughts. ]

...Should I tell Aunt May the truth?

[He gives Peter an affectionate squeeze in response to him saying he feels bad. Tony cared about people and protecting them was always at the heart of his actions. However, he doubted he'd ever feel as strongly or as noble as Peter did.

He was quiet again, longer this time than before.]

Yes. You should tell her.

[He drew back a little so Peter could see his face better.]

I'll go with you if you'd like.

[ Peter's face pales a little because really, he should have expected that would be Tony's response but he was kinda hoping for 'no, there's no need to do that' or maybe he did want to be told exactly that-that he needed to tell his Aunt. ]

But how do you tell someone that you're the reason their husband is dead? And I mean May and Ben did so much for me and all I ever did was cost them a lot of money because of health issues. And then I got Ben killed [ he nearly chokes on the word. ] Because I was mad and didn't do what I should have. All I had to do was trip him but I just moved out of his way.

Peter, I have told you many times that this wasn't your fault and that there was no way for you to know what was going to happen to him. I know how much I mean to you, because you mean that much to me too. And yet, I've had no effect on the guilt you're carrying and it's crushing you.

[He looked down and sighed.]

You speak from the heart. That's all you can do. You say something like this. Peter, I'm so sorry that I'm going to be one more person who leaves you and I hope you can forgive me.

But it was my fault, Mr Stark. I could have stopped him. I could have easily stopped him-but I didn't want to. You can say that I couldn't have known but that doesn't matter. If it wasn't my Uncle it would have been someone else's. Some else would have died that night and it would still be my fault because I didn't do what I should have. It's my fault he got away and was able to kill someone.

[ He takes in a deep breath and rubs at his eyes. ]

I know, Mr Stark... but you're here now and at least I have that.

[He could keep arguing about responsibility but he knew Peter would never be able to see past his own failure in this situation. It was similar to his failure with Ultron. He had no way of knowing how bad that was going to go, but it was still his fault.

He gave a small smile at Peter's answer.]

And your aunt will say something just as supportive as what you just did to me. You'll see. It'll be alright.

But how much is too much? [ He can't help but ask, his voice a little shaky. ]

I know I should just... expect her to just put up with even more but what if this is it? What if this is the thing she can't forgive me for? I don't-I don't even know if I could blame her if she didn't-I mean I've put her and Ben really through so much.

You weren't part of our family then, Mr Stark. I cost them so much money with all the medical bills.

For you? Do you really think there's a limit to what a parent can forgive?

[He shook his head.]

And even if she reacts poorly, she'll come around. You're going to have to forgive her if she needs some time first but it won't be long before she forgives you- and that is the worst scenario possible. Those other possibilities just don't exist because of who she is.

['You weren't a part of our family then'. He might call Peter 'his' routinely around here, but it still warmed his heart when he heard Peter do it. As if he'd ever need it, but that was one more incentive to forever be giving Peter new chances.]

Yes, but your family doesn't have any debt now, so it all worked out okay.

But I'm not actually- [ 'her son' the words almost come out but he manages not to say them but only just. That isn't fair to May and in his heart he knows she'll forgive him because that's how she is but his head tries to convince him sometimes that she'll leave him someday too or that she's only looking after him because her husband happened to be his dad's brother. ]

What do I do if she doesn't want to talk to me, though? What if I do tell her and so mad-I mean she'll never look at me the same-she'll know that I could have done something to stop her husband-the love of life from getting killed and I didn't.

If you say 'not her son' I'm going to kick you in the head. That makes absolutely no difference whatsoever. You can question me on anything else, but that is a fact.

[He sighed and wished he could make this all easier for Peter somehow, but the only way to deal with this issue was to finally confront it.]

She might not at first, kid. She might need to be mad. Some people need space when they get hurt or mad on that kind of level. However, I promise you she'll come around. You're too important to her for this to damage your relationship permanently. You'll see, it'll be alright.

[ He doesn't say anything at first because that's exactly where his mind went-mostly because it's true. They're not even related by blood and he can't help but wonder if she's ever seen him as just a burden that sucks her resources dry. ]

[ He pauses though as what Tony said starts to raise questions in his mind. He was pretty sure that May and Ben had been almost a hundred thousand in debt all because of Peter's medical issues. He doubts very seriously that Ben's life insurance left that much money and he knows a good chuck of it went to moving out of the house they had been living in. ]

[ And how would Tony know if they were out of medical debt? ]

....

did you... Did you pay off my medical debt?

What?

[The chances of catching Tony off guard were fairly small. The likelihood to do it so badly that he actually sort of.. kind of.. squeaked? That was just about nonexistent. However, it just happened and the faintest color touches his cheeks.]

W- wha- why would you ask me that?

Because of what you just said??

[ Now he's really sure that Tony must have done something. ]

You said we don't have any more medical debt and I know that it was pretty intense-even with insurance-well like middle tier insurance. Actually-I think everything went through May's insurance but it's not like she gets free treatment for being a nurse?

And I've been in and out of the ER since I was born for like high fevers and asthma and stuff. I even broke my arm falling off a jungle gym I wasn't supposed to actually be on, once. That'll teach me, I guess.

...

...

[He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.]

I didn't just show up at your apartment and offer you to join the Avengers without first doing a very thorough background check on you, kid. Your family needed some help.

Edited 2020-05-18 02:12 (UTC)

....

[ He doesn't really know what to say. Part of him wants to go on the defensive because that's charity and it's been ingrained in his head that charity is bad. ]

I-I can't really deny that. [ He finally says because he remembers what things were like before Tony came into the picture. Although part of him isn't really super fond of the idea that someone (not just Tony) could swoop in and save the day just by spending money. Really, it just highlights what's wrong with the economic classes. ]

...Thank you.

[ But in the end, it had to have save May from a lot of stress and worrying about finances. And if May's happy, then he's happy. ]

[He couldn't completely understand what accepting charity might be like, since he obviously never needed it. However, he could understand pride and wanting to be valued for his own merit. He knew this was likely embarrassing the kid and he felt bad for that.]

You're welcome, kid. If you can, think of it as an investment. I took stock in you, which I know now is the best risk I ever made.

[ Peter can't help the swell of emotion that fills him so suddenly. There's a lump in his throat at Tony's words and his eyes are starting to water. ]

Don't say that, I haven't had enough sleep to not cry.

[ He wipes his eyes with the palm of his hand. ]

You know I really do appreciate everything you do for me-for us. It just-it drives me nuts when other people can't see how much you actually do or would do for everyone.

I guess that's probably why I tried to pick that fight with Edge.

[Tony put an arm around him and pulled him into a hug. Sometimes it amazed him he was capable of loving someone as intensely as he loved Peter. There literally wasn't anything he wouldn't do for the boy. How could anyone not understand this boy was special?]

It's okay.

[There were a hundred other things he felt like he should say, but he couldn't seem to say any of them.]

Hey you know what sounds like fun? Let's go hang out in one of those web hammocks you and Gwen like to lounge in. You know, the ones in the dressing car?

[ Peter leans in without question and hugs Tony as tight as he dares. For as antsy and anxious as Peter usually is it always amazes him that Tony can just make him feel safe. Even with the super powers to defend himself he never feels safer than when Tony is around. ]

Yeah, okay.

[ He agrees with a nod of his head. ] sounds good.

[ He can't promise he won't just immediately fall back asleep but then again, that might be Tony's plan anyway. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Video | Day 29

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

here, have some pain

Re: here, have some pain

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject