Video | Day 29

[hashtagparkerluck]

[ Peter doesn't look nearly as energetic today and it's way earlier than he's usually seen as it's probably not much of a secret that he sleeps late. Really late. ]

Hey everyone-so I have a quick little PSA for you all and then I'm gonna go back to trying ta sleep I guess. Maybe it'll work out better. Um... anyways uh... I tried not to let it get to me buuuuut it did. So yeah-

Don't ever, ever say that what someone went through doesn't matter. It just makes you look like a jerk. It doesn't matter if you know what they've gone through or not-don't say it.

It does matter to them and you have no idea why or how much it mattered. So yeah, just don't say it.

that's all I have. I'm going to bed. 'Night.

Comments

[hashtagparkerluck]

No.

No Especially. It is a blanket thing-don't say it to anyone. Period. Male, Female, intersex, non-binary, trans-don't say it. It's not cool.

[sell_tickets]

"I was agreeing with you..." [Mother Night this kid was touchy.]

[blueberryprincess]

Seconding what Peter said.

There is no ‘especially’ in this situation.There is never an especially in this situation. Regardless of your relationship to a person, or what that person identifies as, you never diminish another persons experiences by telling them what they’ve been through doesn’t matter. It’s a lack of respect. Courting or no, male or female or non-binary or trans or intersex, you don’t say that. It’s disrespectful.

The very fact that another being is breathing should be the only thing to remember.

[hashtagparkerluck]

Thanks Eves, I was really struggling to think of how to respond to that without sounding like 'but the men!' and I mean, nobody wants that.

[blueberryprincess]

Don’t worry, Peter. I’ve got your back.

And I think you’d have managed it pretty well. I just hate hearing people sound like they’re saying women should be treated differently. I don’t care for being an ‘especially’ like that.

[hashtagparkerluck]

Yeah-yeah. Women just aren't the damsels in distress that society has painted them into? So there's no need to treat them like they might break-I think they're a hell of a lot tougher than men honestly because of all the shit they have to put up with-

[ Whoops. ]

Sorry, stuff.

[blueberryprincess]

My mother tried to raise me to be a vapid, empty-headed, damsel-in-distress/lovestruck princess type so that princes would do whatever I asked them to.

She'd be horrified to learn that I became a self-rescuing princess instead and can handle my own without a hair falling out of place.

[ Have a mildly mischievous smirk at the end of that. She's proud of how far she's come. ]

[hashtagparkerluck]

Nah, I think she'd be proud.

[ he might have laid his head down. ]

Because you managed to raise to be more than anyone was expecting.

[blueberryprincess]

[ now is not the time to tell him her mother was thrown onto the isle for attempted murder of a small child. Instead she noted how tired he looks. ]

Go to sleep, Peter. I’ll see you tomorrow.

[sell_tickets]

[So no a conversation he wanted to have with a female. This thing was public? He did not know that. He sighed and considered his words carefully.]

"Lady," [he began respectfully.] I would not wish to harm anyone's feelings or make them feel less. Accidentally upsetting another male however is easier to fix, the hurt feelings soothed. Upsetting a woman has other connected issues however. In addition to not wanting to hurt your feelings for the sake of not wanting to hurt your feelings, there is also the consideration that where I come from, at the least, there is an expectation that males serve and protect, so the insult, unintentional or not, is compounded if a male harms a female that way. Especially if it is a female is is courting and thus by the laws of Protocol is responsible in a great many ways. It is as though we were to compare tripping over someone while in bare feet and a dressing robe to falling over them while in heavy gear and carrying a sword. It is not that a male is any less deserving of consideration, it is that it is far easier to do more harm when it crosses gender lines. I suspect that he had the same conversation with the ladies about specially males. As for it being someone you are courting, on top of how easy it is to do that much more damage it is also a time when that much damage could break a bond that is forming, and destroy any hope the two of you share for the future."

"And additionally, if you don't mind my saying, I am a lot less afraid of what he could do to me if he was hurt enough to retaliate than what a female can do to me. Your tempers, Lady, are far more dangerous than ours." [A comment which had the benefit of being true while would also have the effect of making pretty much every woman he knew have to fight the urge to smile.]

"I was raised as I was raised. I will not appologize for being protective over the women in my life. I would sooner appologize for being born male."

[blueberryprincess]

[ Each time he calls her lady, her expression sours some. She’s not fond of it at all and will address it in a moment. It still seems like he’s entirely missing her point. ]

Your upbringing being what it is, don’t call me lady. It may be a sign of respect where you’re from, but I don’t know you and am not comfortable with it. You don’t know me well enough to know what my tempers are, and since I’m not from your universe, feel free to assume I’m not the same as the women you’re used to, shall we?

He was speaking about people in general. It wasn’t the place to bring up courting advice since he wasn’t asking for it.

[sell_tickets]

[He's married. He won't be asking.] "And in your world, what is the proper term of respect for a woman who you do not know well?" [And if he tossed all his assumptions out a window about people he'd not be able to interact at all. So not happening. Protocol is just part of who he is. He was raised on it from the cradle up. And he was raising his daughter on it. He's seen Protocol save lives. So he will default to that when he doesn't know the other person. Always.]

[Well... with the exceptions of those he views as enemies. Whoever brought him here, no matter the gender, he will destroy them. If the Coven doesn't do it first, that is.]

[blueberryprincess]

Their names. If they feel like giving them. If they don’t, then they’ve probably decided you’re not worth it or not trustworthy.

[ Tossing assumptions out a window shouldn’t make interacting with people hard. Keeping those assumptions and flinging them at everyone will. Especially this young princess here. ]

[sell_tickets]

"So I should not speak to anyone who has not given me their names? That seems a rather lonely way to live," [he said with a hunt of a grin.]

[blueberryprincess]

[ This guy was an idiot wasn’t he? That’s what Evie is thinking. The grin is getting ignored. His whole speech was idiotic and a touch condescending so she’s not here for stupid grins. ]

Have you considered asking them? That’s usually how it’s done? Especially here.

[sell_tickets]

"Except unless you think that rule should exclusive to me, if no one should address anyone else without having their names..." [have a grin he might offer when playing chess against one of his male friends] "Then one could never ask for a name in the first place. This is why Protocol gives us titles of respect when caste and names are unknown."

[blueberryprincess]

All I’m asking is that you don’t call me lady. You’re the one twisting words and making things difficult for yourself. That’s foolish and entirely on you if you can’t figure out how to approach someone and ask what their name is.

[sell_tickets]

"And I asked for an alternative, and you said to call people by their names if they deign to give them to me. Which you have not. So what then should I call you when addressing you?"

[blueberryprincess]

My name is Evie.

[sell_tickets]

"Alright then, Evie. May I ask you a question that is more general than the specific issue at hand?"

[blueberryprincess]

Sure.

[sell_tickets]

"We are all trapped in this Tangled Web together. There are no books on Protocol for dealing with each other on this train. So should we not respect and appreciate someone's attempt to be polite by their own standards rather than choosing to take offense that they do not automatically fall in line with your own? You know nothing of my world, apparently. Fair enough. I know nothing of yours. But we are each products of the homes that raised us, and the lessons we learned throughout our lives. We have choices as adults, of course, however what we have been and who we have chosen to emulate as we grew shapes much of who we are now. My calling you Lady, as an example, was a mark of respect. I did not know your name, thus I addressed you with the highest title of respect given to a female who is a stranger and whose caste is unknown. Which is also the highest level of respect given to any female save a Queen. And honestly most Queens I know prefer the title Lady when being formal. And as you do, their names when being informal. However treating them informally by using their name without a title before we are close friends would be considered extremely insulting. I have seen other such instances. If we are all to be trapped here, perhaps we should all work together to draft appropriate train Protocol and teach it, as well as allowing sufficient time for it to be learned. Again, I do not know your world, but in my Realm, Protocol is taught from birth. My friend's cousin is faced with a situation where she has to teach Protocol, with help thank the Darkness, to an entire Territory in which no one has been raised as we are. It is hard work, and is still an ongoing process over a year later."

"I am not trying to be argumentative or disrespectful, I am trying to illustrate how the rules you grew up with may be as arbitrary to me as the ones I grew up with are to you. I would like us to all better understand each other, and that starts with presuming the best, not the worst. Or better yet, communicating. Don't you think?"

[blueberryprincess]

I don’t understand what a Tangled Web is. As you stated, we aren’t from each other’s worlds. I understand you have your way of doing things, as do I, and both our ways are going to be confusing for each other.


However, I’ve expressed discomfort with your ways and asked you to please try mine. It wasn’t because I found it offensive. I found it strange being addressed as Lady and not something I’m used to. It’s what people do when they don’t particularly enjoy something another person is doing. They discuss things.

And part of a discussion isn’t toying with another persons words to be funny or amusing. A genuine, honest discussion where people are just starting to get to know each other tend to be, as I’ve discovered, significantly more interesting without the slightly cheeky behavior.

And in my case my upbringing actually doesn’t have anything to do with how I spoke to you, because I grew up on an island of villains where people don’t talk. They spend time insulting the other and trying to bring the other person down.


You aren’t in your realm, meaning you have to learn to adapt. Just like anybody does on the train. We all have to learn to adapt. . Adapt behaviors. Adapt the way you think about people. Adapt your day to day not just for yourself, but for the people around you. Adaptation comes with trying to understand that just because something works in your culture doesn’t mean it works in someone else’s. I wouldn’t go to a land where everyone is vegan and expect a steak dinner because it’s how I was raised. I’d eat what they had because I’m in their world. And I’d want to respect that. If we were in your world and you called me lady and I understood it as a cultural norm, I wouldn’t be bothered.


A good guideline for meeting people on the train is to go up, introduce yourself and ask their name. There you go, you have their preferred method of being called. Be sure to introduce yourself, too, as it’s only polite. But take into consideration that just because someone gives you their Mae doesn’t mean a friendship will come of it. Or any manner of relationship. A person can decide after talking to someone that they don’t want to continue getting to know someone, and that’s well within their rights.

And since we started this conversation without that first step, its safe to say it doesn’t always start off with introductions.

[sell_tickets]

"Call it a train then, if you prefer. Most people here seem to. And yes, part of a discussion can be being funny or amusing. This is a horrible situation we are all in, and even if it wasn't, finding the humor in life is important. Especially for someone like me. My temper has already scared one person I care about here, and to my way of thinking humor helps keep temper in check. If you can see something as funny you're less likely to go cold over it. This is how I am at home, but it is doubly important here. There is no one here who can stop me if I do go cold. Humor is the best form of self control I have at my disposal, and I am not giving that up. Further, it is who I am. And it isn't hurting anyone. So that is not going to change. I will always look for what is amusing in a situation when I can. Maybe I'll be serious when I'm dead, but while I'm alive, I choose to enjoy that life. But my toying as you put it, was not just for humor sake. I was also making a point. That the point amused me is a secondary benefit."

[Cheeky behavior is who he is. That isn't going to change any time soon.]

"What is vegan?" [He actually had no clue.]

[blueberryprincess]

A vegan is someone who avoids consuming animal based products. In food. In clothes. In personal care items.