[Video] Imagination 10

[ayao]

Nie Mingjue, Lan Xichen and Nie Huaisang, would you mind meeting me in the Library? I have something important to discuss with you.

[He looks down unhappily, unable to even meet the eyes of those who might see this transmission. As long as it reaches those he intends, that is all that matters.]

Comments

[brightjade]

[ Rather than answer, Mingjue heads for the Library. He's been stalking the length of the train since it had let off most of the passengers. But he'd chosen to remain behind. ]

A-Yao?

[ He calls, looking for the smaller man as requested. ]

[ayao]

[Until he knows himself, he thinks it's best if he stays behind too. Perhaps the next mission will see him being...helpful. Instead of this. He is sitting perfectly still at one of the tables, a book opened before him. Oddly, he doesn't rise to greet Mingjue; he is afraid his legs won't hold him.]

Please take a seat.

[brightjade]

[ Essentially, where Meng Yao is, so is Nie Mingjue. So he gets restless. He has a reason, and so far has been rewarded for sticking to it.

The fact the other doesn't stand to greet him has him a little worried. He claims the seat before him, studying Meng Yao closely. ]

Tell me.

[ayao]

[He pushes the book towards Mingjue, pointing out a passage under the header: Mental Illnesses: Psychopathy.]

"Psychopathy, sometimes considered synonymous with sociopathy, is traditionally a personality disorder characterized by persistent antisocial behavior, impaired empathy and remorse, and bold, disinhibited, and egotistical traits."

[Meng Yao proves that he does indeed have a powerful memory by reciting the passage without looking.]

I have been trying...since I learned of my future...to understand what leads me to do so many awful things. Much of this...is correct. I find myself feeling differently - or not at all - when compared to others.

I...am ashamed, Chifeng-Zun.

[brightjade]

[ So this is what has been occupying much of Meng Yao's time. Mingjue reads, listening as well. It fits. ]

If you can feel shame, then you are not completely lost.

[ Which gives him hope. He looks up, focusing back on Meng Yao. ]

What do you need from me?

[ayao]

[The automatic acceptance - the lack of disgust - leave him trembling. His future self is so wrong about this man! But he has no way of making himself see. He can only better things here.]

I don't want to be lost. I don't want to consider the world my enemy.

I've...decided...it is best if I dedicate myself, wholeheartedly, to the Nie sect. Any ties I have to the Jin, I relinquish. My father...

[He points out part of a paragraph that speaks of genetic connections.]

I cannot be like him. All he has done to me, how he left my mother and I to rot, how he nearly threw me to my death...

I must be done with it.

[And it hurts to let go of that. He had clung to it so fiercely since the day he knew he was a nobleman's bastard.]

These traits... If you see them in me, please be honest. Be rough if you feel it necessary. I will respond to you. I care for you too much to evade you.

[brightjade]

[ The disgust is laid firmly on Jin Guangshan's horrible self. Meng Yao is not yet Jin Guangyao, and the difference is great. If he can just keep that change from happening...

Hearing this man denounce his genetic ties in favor of dedicating himself completely to him and his sect...Mingjue closes his eyes and breathes for a moment. This isn't something to rush into.

But...he also knows that Meng Yao wouldn't leap without looking. Without thinking about it and weighing everything out. Now he must weigh if he can trust, can believe these words. He knows he wants to. He's accepted that, though hasn't told others yet. Maybe they can guess, since he hasn't tried to kill Meng Yao.

Deciding after a moment, his eyes blink open to rest on the other man, gaze steady and certain. ]

I will spare you no more than I have since we came on board. If I see you slip, I will pull you back however I must. You belong with my sect. Or Xichen's, if you would rather, but you are welcome with me.

Jin Guangshan does not deserve you. You can be better than him. In every way.

You must.

[lanxichen]

[ Xichen does reply, with a soft 'of course', and then finds his way to the library car.

His voice is still soft as he greets and his face tired, but something has relaxed a notch in his eyes, in his body language, for the few days he has been here. ]

Young master Meng. Did the mission go well for you?

[ Neutral beginning, so that the other man feels less pressure for starting the conversation he asked for. Old habits die hard. ]

[ayao]

I...did not go. [He has had other concerns, which has led to seemingly endless research. Though he knows it is incredibly impolite, he stays seated.

His legs feel too weak to hold him.]

Will you sit with me, Zewu-Jun? Please?

[lanxichen]

Ah. [ Xichen nods. ] Was the train different, when not in the void, and with many of us not here?

[ He does sit, and doesn't register the lack of politeness as he and ... this man are equals, other than a little seniority. His expression doesn't alter for the worse. ]

[ayao]

It was...quieter. I was able to do a lot of reading. [He waits for Xichen to sit before closing his eyes and finding his courage.]

Did you know that there can be illnesses of...the mind?

[lanxichen]

Ah... yes. We have rarely found more knowledge, but ... yes, illness of the mind is not something unknown.

[ People may or may not have said so of Xichen's mother. Or... suggested. ]

[ayao]

[He pushes a book towards Xichen that details psychopathy in particular.]

It sounds like my father, doesn't it?

as requested, later hugs?

[marriedanidiot]

"Meng Yao?"

Nerdanel tips her head in enquiry when she sees how miserable he looks.

yes please omg

[ayao]

He is quick to rise, shakily, and hurry to her side. He had once been like a duckling, trailing behind his mother; now he is much like that, though bigger, with Nerdanel.

"Lady Nerdanel! I - Are you well?"

XD

[marriedanidiot]

"Hello my dear." She smiles, patting the seat beside her welcomingly.

"I am. You don't look so well, however."

[ayao]

He is quick to take said seat, unable to meet her gaze.

"I...learned...something. It isn't pleasant, however I must accept it."

Sane people do not murder those they (claim to) love and keep their heads on shelves. Apparently.

"What do you know of mental illnesses?"

[marriedanidiot]

She reaches over and takes his hand.

"Some things are unpleasant, but like all medicine, one has to face them to move forwards."

She tips her head consideringly.

"I do not think I know of that phrase in the context I suspect you mean it - will you explain?"

[ayao]

She's right. He has to face his father's legacy and the curse of the blood flowing through his veins. He has to prove himself stronger than all of it.

"The mind...can be sick. In some cases, the sickness is inherited. I fear, after hearing of my future, that I inherited just such an illness from my father." he speaks softly, his brow furrowing, "I read about the signs and symptoms. Already I am displaying some of them."

[eternalgrief]

[Huaisang doesn't reply to the message and he actually contemplates not meeting Meng Yao. He's not exactly been avoiding him but at the same time -- he definitely has been avoiding him. He's been avoiding more than just Meng Yao, subtly isolating himself from everyone.

When he came to the library he doesn't say a word upon finding the other, just an expectant look. ]

[ayao]

[He senses him, his heart skipping a beat. Pushing himself onto his feet shakily, he motions at a chair, hoping Huaisang will take it. If they sit, this will be...easier.]

Young Master, please... I have something to show you.

[eternalgrief]

[ Huaisang didn't want to sit, not with Meng Yao and yet he finds himself taking the chair, fanning himself lightly and trying to remain as impassive as he possibly could. ]

What is it?

[ayao]

[The book Meng Yao pushes towards Huaisang concerns mental illnesses - in particular, psychopathy.]

I believe there is something very wrong with me. Something inherited. I called you here not to make excuses, Huaisang, but to ask for your help in quelling the tendencies that lead to so much heartache in the future.

[eternalgrief]

[ Huaisang looks down at the book, reaching for the cover and he does listen even if he's idly flipping through the book. ]

What would you have me do?

[ayao]

Simply put, if you believe I am hiding something - anything - speak to your brother or Zewu-Jun about it immediately. [If there is nothing to worry about, he trusts those two will come to the right conclusion.] We must be cautious. I would rather be locked away than harm you or them or anyone.