voidtreckernet | [Video] Imagination 10

[ Rather than answer, Mingjue heads for the Library. He's been stalking the length of the train since it had let off most of the passengers. But he'd chosen to remain behind. ]

A-Yao?

[ He calls, looking for the smaller man as requested. ]

[Until he knows himself, he thinks it's best if he stays behind too. Perhaps the next mission will see him being...helpful. Instead of this. He is sitting perfectly still at one of the tables, a book opened before him. Oddly, he doesn't rise to greet Mingjue; he is afraid his legs won't hold him.]

Please take a seat.

[ Essentially, where Meng Yao is, so is Nie Mingjue. So he gets restless. He has a reason, and so far has been rewarded for sticking to it.

The fact the other doesn't stand to greet him has him a little worried. He claims the seat before him, studying Meng Yao closely. ]

Tell me.

[He pushes the book towards Mingjue, pointing out a passage under the header: Mental Illnesses: Psychopathy.]

"Psychopathy, sometimes considered synonymous with sociopathy, is traditionally a personality disorder characterized by persistent antisocial behavior, impaired empathy and remorse, and bold, disinhibited, and egotistical traits."

[Meng Yao proves that he does indeed have a powerful memory by reciting the passage without looking.]

I have been trying...since I learned of my future...to understand what leads me to do so many awful things. Much of this...is correct. I find myself feeling differently - or not at all - when compared to others.

I...am ashamed, Chifeng-Zun.

[ So this is what has been occupying much of Meng Yao's time. Mingjue reads, listening as well. It fits. ]

If you can feel shame, then you are not completely lost.

[ Which gives him hope. He looks up, focusing back on Meng Yao. ]

What do you need from me?

[The automatic acceptance - the lack of disgust - leave him trembling. His future self is so wrong about this man! But he has no way of making himself see. He can only better things here.]

I don't want to be lost. I don't want to consider the world my enemy.

I've...decided...it is best if I dedicate myself, wholeheartedly, to the Nie sect. Any ties I have to the Jin, I relinquish. My father...

[He points out part of a paragraph that speaks of genetic connections.]

I cannot be like him. All he has done to me, how he left my mother and I to rot, how he nearly threw me to my death...

I must be done with it.

[And it hurts to let go of that. He had clung to it so fiercely since the day he knew he was a nobleman's bastard.]

These traits... If you see them in me, please be honest. Be rough if you feel it necessary. I will respond to you. I care for you too much to evade you.

Edited 2020-11-18 05:55 (UTC)

[ The disgust is laid firmly on Jin Guangshan's horrible self. Meng Yao is not yet Jin Guangyao, and the difference is great. If he can just keep that change from happening...

Hearing this man denounce his genetic ties in favor of dedicating himself completely to him and his sect...Mingjue closes his eyes and breathes for a moment. This isn't something to rush into.

But...he also knows that Meng Yao wouldn't leap without looking. Without thinking about it and weighing everything out. Now he must weigh if he can trust, can believe these words. He knows he wants to. He's accepted that, though hasn't told others yet. Maybe they can guess, since he hasn't tried to kill Meng Yao.

Deciding after a moment, his eyes blink open to rest on the other man, gaze steady and certain. ]

I will spare you no more than I have since we came on board. If I see you slip, I will pull you back however I must. You belong with my sect. Or Xichen's, if you would rather, but you are welcome with me.

Jin Guangshan does not deserve you. You can be better than him. In every way.

You must.

[Keeping his connection to his father - to his father's sect - is like allowing a wound to fester. He is mistaken - gravely so - in thinking Jin Guangshan will ever ever choose him as his heir. Meng Yao can see what likely happened: he worked to gain his father's favor - naively - and, by doing so, forced himself out of Nie favor. Then his father must have rejected him again.

His mind...his heart... All the good his mother had instilled in him had died, leaving only his father's genetic gifts behind.

And what Meng Yao wants is considerably greater than a harem filled with women. No wonder he became such a danger!]

You have the strength to hold me, to reprimand me. I would not put that on Zewu-Jun's shoulders.

[He bows his head, closing his eyes with a deep sigh.]

I have loved him...the version of him I concocted... But that man does not exist. I exist. You exist. Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen exist.

I noticed...after I left the Nie...I only worsened. You can be more powerful than him in my mind, Chifeng-Zun. I know it isn't fair to ask you to kill an illusion, but that is what I must do. If I am free of this delusion, I will be safer for all.

[ He hadn't understood what Meng Yao was doing at the time. Killing. Betraying. Murdering. It still makes no sense to him, only that he couldn't support it or allow it to continue while he could put a stop to it.

He should have locked Meng Yao away, rather than let him go. He'd wanted to kill him later, but it was already too late and he'd lost the battle to Baxia and qi deviated.

Now? With him having lived through it all, and Meng Yao from before even that first death? They can do better.

He accepts the logical words with a slight nod. No. He won't put the entire burden on Xichen. Nor only on Huaisang. ]

We all want to love our parents and for them to be worthy of that love. You know the truth of your father now, and what it has done to you. You walk now with your eyes open, seeing truth.

I will help you stay on the right, just path. You will not lose to those impulses again.

[He is a man desperate for acceptance - for love. Meng Yao has fought to find his place in the world - a place where he won't be mocked or pitied. Despite his upbringing - or maybe because of it - his pride is brittle, likely to fracture at the smallest slight.

And it obviously had fractured. Mingjue is a man who believes in justice; of course he couldn't accept what Meng Yao was doing. To him, it would be abominable. But for Meng Yao, it was necessary.

It was a desperate cry for love.]

I am ashamed of my weakness. [He looks away from the books, biting his lip.] It hurts me even more to know it was that very weakness that led to you -

[His throat closes on perishing.]

If you see the warning signs, I trust you to do what is necessary. I don't wish to harm you or Huaisang or Xichen or anyone else.

[ In Mingjue's mind, love is exactly what Meng Yao had had. Before Xue Yang had been captured and the two had met.

He still has it. Just, uncertain. Unsteady. Fragile, just as Meng Yao's pride. But they're working on it. ]

That led to my death.

[ He'll say it, since Meng Yao can't. His voice is even perfectly steady, as is his gaze. ]

I will not allow you to harm others. Nor will I allow harm come needlessly to you. [ Because fair is fair. ]

You are to come to me if you feel unsteady. Or Xichen or Huaisang if you cannot find me.

[He flinches at the truth, but he doesn't run and hide. He doesn't argue or close his ears to hearing it. To understanding the weight of it. He lifts his gaze, so sharp, so cunning, and lifts a hand, gently tracing his thumb along Mingjue's neck.]

Does it haunt you? You have returned from death. I do not want to solely take from you.

[How can he help? He feels like a monster and a burden.]

I do not feel well knowing this. But I believe it to be true.

[ He's proud of that lack of running from it. No, it's not an easy thing to speak of. But it's not in Mingjue's nature to deny what happened to himself.

But it's testament to their hard work that he doesn't flinch from the gentle touch to his neck. ]

You do more than you seem to think. Grant yourself the earned credit to ensuring my rest is peaceful, for that is precisely what you do.

Bringing you tea and helping you undress is hardly suitable repayment.

[He isn't sure what else he can do except... It might seem silly, given his size, but Meng Yao is quite serious as he continues:]

I will shield your life. I'm not afraid of swords or arrows.

[ There's something suddenly, oddly, fond and amused about the twitch of lips. ]

That is not what I was referring to. I speak of the nights when we share a bed and wake early to avoid being parted unnaturally.

[ He's...not ashamed, nor embarrassed, by saying that matters.

But the serious tone when Meng Yao vows to shield him...and why... ]

I do not fear a second death. I fear...losing myself. Swords and arrows are nothing.

[His face heats and he glances around warily, wanting to protect Mingjue's good name.]

I would not be parted from you at all if it were my choice.

[The audacity of that statement makes him flush harder and he feels like he is losing control of his usually silver tongue.]

How can you lose yourself? Look at what you have overcome. There is much I can - and will - learn from you.

[ Mingjue is the sort who speaks his mind when it is important, regardless of what others might think. He's not ashamed to admit he holds little attraction for women. Add on to the fact he never married even to conceive an heir...

No. He's not ashamed to be a cut-sleeve. It simply is not advertised, which suits him just as well.

But it is rather amusing to see those cheeks flush when Meng Yao makes his own admission - in a sweet kind of way. ]

I overcame it because much of what was driving me insane seems to have been expelled with my death. Along with meditation, and speaking at length with you to work through as much as we can.

I continue to wield Baxia. A repeat is bound to happen, if I am here long enough. That is my legacy - my future.

No. [He speaks suddenly and recklessly, yet, unlike what he said before, he is not blushing now.] There won't be a repeat of that. You are not alone. We can...and will...find a way to silence Baxia.

[Or to, at least, keep it contained. His fingers curl on his thigh, the nails scratching the fabric.]

I give you my spiritual energy freely. The odds are surely in our favor if it is three against one.

[ Is it really a wonder how he can love this man, when Meng Yao says such things?

There is no question who the third would be.

It's still a moment before he gathers himself enough to answer. ]

Neither are you. Combining our abilities and knowledge together, we will help you, A-Yao.

[He isn't alone. Since the death of Meng Shi, he has felt, constantly, alone. Yet here, on this strange train, he is made aware of how deep his connection with the Nie goes. How could he have been so blind?]

I will not let go of your hand or his.

[ Not even a little. Mingjue will remind him as often as he needs it. ]

I would give you my name if you wish it. A reminder of where you belong.

[ And it's been on his mind. ]

Of who you can be, now that you have chosen to renounce Jin Guangshan.

[Everything grinds to a halt and Meng Yao questions his hearing. His name...? He would give him...his name?

Blinking several times, he scoots his chair closer and peers into Mingjue's handsome face.]

Nie...Yao? Is that who I would be?

[ It's not something to rush into - and he isn't. Mingjue is silent, watching the other man while his words and what they mean sink in.

When Meng Yao scoots closer, he raises a hand to brush the back of fingertips over the other's cheek, gaze just as steady as before. ]

Yes. We could also come up with an appropriate courtesy name for you, should you wish one.

[ So many ways in which Jin Guangshan was lacking! ]

[He melts under the touch, at last allowing himself the luxury of trusting someone. His heart hammers in his chest, but he ignores it, concentrating instead on the warm strength of Mingjue's hand. There is kindness behind that touch.

No, not just kindness. The other man cares for him. Meng Yao smiles gently, the expression wobbling.]

If you chose one for me, I would be proud to call it mine.

[ He does. More than he should, perhaps. But let him be cursed to eternity if he doesn't try one last time to save this man.

His lips purse a little as he thinks, gaze resting on his hand as he flattens it, cupping Meng Yao's face. ]

The one I choose for you is what I wish for you.

Nie Zhongqing.

[ Loyalty. Integrity. A morally noble person. ]

[Video] Imagination 10

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