voidtreckernet | who am i: jelly 17 (cw: mentions of death/identity/spoilers)

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who am i: jelly 17 (cw: mentions of death/identity/spoilers)

[ Scene: Mami in the greenhouse, with a fluffy leaf-green hedgehog on her shoulder. ]

Hi everyone...

I wanted to let you know about something more serious. It's about who...or what I am. So this doesn't surprise you later. I guess some of you already knew I wasn't quite what I appeared to be, but I'm still processing it.

I used to watch shows about magical girls when I was younger. If you've never seen those shows before, they're about girls with magic who use some kind of gem to change into cute battle outfits, have animal friends to mentor them, other magical friends to fight alongside...and love and justice always won out. I used to dream about what it would be like to become one, though I was sure it wasn't real.

And then, when I least expected it, it happened. I was heavily wounded after a car crash, and a cute animal appeared to me. He promised me any wish I wanted as long as I agreed to become a magical girl and fight witches who trap and kill humans. So I wished to keep living...and became what I am now.

I thought I was just a regular magical girl like the ones on TV. But it turns out I'm a lich. Revenant. Undead. He ripped my soul out of my body and put it in a gem...I know that's usually dark magic. I've been reassured that I'm safe for you all to be around, Rosetta helps keep my soul gem safe. But it just feels strange, that I've been like this for a while...is all. Any advice on living with it would be appreciated.

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I'm familiar with various types of dark magic, if it helps. Dark magic may've been used to create what you are, but you aren't the one using it. I'm....also a really good listener, if you want to talk about this.

[This post is enough to drive Alfredo to use an ICP, for once.]

Mami? ...

Well, for one, Raven's right; I'm not sure I understand, but how I feel about you is still the same. The dark magic isn't your fault. And you're a good person, and a good friend.

[He pauses, visibly debating bringing something else up on the Network, but opts otherwise.]

I - is it all right if I come to where you are, though? I think I do have, if not the same perspective, then something similar.

But you're not going to have to live with this alone, and we'll help keep you safe too.

...That's an idiotic way to look at it. I'm a soul in a freaking book and you don't hear me going on about being undead or a lich or all that crap. You've got a soul so what the hell are you worrying about?

If by dark magic you mean evil, that is not always the case. If you mean dark magic as in darkness, as in night, then yes. It is that.

[ He's Night's child and cuts souls away from their bodies. It's an important distinction to make. ]

You seem more a shade still in possession and connected to your body than anything else.

It may have been dark magic that created you, but the notion that darkness is suited only for evil ends is a misconception. I am an incomplete being as well, though it was my heart excised from my body, rather than my soul.

[He taps his chest, right where his literal heart would be.]

The important thing is to remain true to yourself. Even if the dark magic has left a mark on your soul, don't allow it to define you, but don't fear it, either. Fearing something grants it power over your heart, which is where the danger truly lies.

Well that sure does sound... like a thing. Soldat remembers her from her from the mission, certainly, and there was nothing dark about her then. And, well, that also kind of sounds like them. Only they don't have a crystal, they have a lantern.

So they bake up some cookies in between working on meals, and hunt her down to offer her the platter to choose from. The shuttered lantern in question is still slung from a strap on their shoulder, in fact.

"I think I might be a lich, too," they say without any real preamble beyond the cookies. "I think that's okay."

Magic definitely exists in my world, and while some of it is pretty undeniably bad, most of it... it really depends on how it's used. Like for example, my thing is fire magic; it can be helpful- keeping you warm, cooking food, forging metal, stuff like that- or it can be destructive. So even something that most people would see as something dark or dangerous can be used for good.

[The rest of it, though... that's the big one.]

I never lost my soul... but I did have my heart taken from me as a kid. Spent more than a decade of my life after that as an incomplete being. I wish I could say I handled it well, but I... really didn't. But hindsight is 20-20 and all that, so I'd be willing to lend you a hand if you want me to.

Oh wow, that sucks.

I don't really know if this helps at all. But I've been kind of... not really alive, not really dead for that last two years. And I've kind of gotten used to it?

If you ever want to talk about stuff. Or you know, take it some misplaced aggression by punching stuff, I'm there.

Wow...I'm sorry that that happened to you. I can't imagine what that must be like. But you still choose to help people, which I think is way more important than whatever dark magic was used to bring you back to life.

I don't really know much about magic, but I'm pretty good at listening, if you ever wanna talk.

It takes... a while for Otoha to extract himself from his business during the day, so it's a bit until he goes to wander to find Mami. Hopefully she's still in the Greenhouse - if not, he'll wander until he finds her.

...I can't help you with any particular advice, but...

Do you want to be alone right now, or... would you like someone to come be with you?

[ It's hard to guess which is better for her - so Ple Two can only ask which she'd like. This is clearly distressing, whatever the terminology Mami wishes to use for it.

Even if Ple Two knows that she's still warm, soft, kind, gentle... ]

This... is a very young age to have to deal with all of that.

But as to your question, there are several aspects to it.

The first part is that you were misled about what was going to happen, so rather than choosing it, it was chosen for you. So the responsibility for the choice is not entirely yours.

The more important part is what you do with it. I have seen the proper and 'rightful' powers be used to cause harm, and I have seen the deviant and 'wrong' powers be used to protect and shelter and nurture, both by people using the powers or those, like you, affected by them.

It is not wrong to want to live. Even less so when it is not at the cost of causing harm to others.

Oh! I've definitely seen plenty of those. It's like a whole genre over in Japan..

[Debating briefly if statement was redundant. Clearly, this girl must know that already. If she was from Earth that was similar enough to her own]

.. Although you sometimes will get similar stories from some of the French and Italian animation sources. Anyway.. [Realizing she was getting ahead of herself. The blond had something important to say? This wasn't the right time to start fangirling over fiction]

Mami-chan, your origins don't have to define you. It doesn't matter where it came from if you're using your power for the right reasons. The majority of my power comes from a creature called a hollow, it feeds on souls that haven't passed on by its nature. I used to fight against that power, thinking that it would consume me. But once I accepted that it's part of me and took control over it, I had more strength to protect the people I care about. All that matters is that you're using what strength you have to protect what matters to you.

[Rich has to think for a long, long time before he finally offers up his own response, his voice as gentle as he can make it.]

I can't help so much about the... being undead thing, but. I know what it's like to be given a bum deal when you're desperate enough to stay alive. If you need to talk about how that thing manipulated you, or need to deal with that part of the trauma...

[He shrugs his shoulders.]

I... I don't know. I'm figuring it out too, but I'll try to help.

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