voidtreckernet | [Audio]

Tony's reaction startled Ignis but then he realized he should've made more noise. He figured he might've been seen in the reflection of the window, but with how lost in thought the other was..he was probably wrong.

"I'm sorry, but aren't tigers noted for their stealth?" There was a slight smile though he was genuinely apologetic. "And yes I did with a few." He hadn't heard from others and was worried, but he'd go check on them after this.

Normally he would've moved away, but he wasn't going anywhere with the hand on his.

Tony hadn't expected that and he let out a loud, surprised laugh. "Very good. You're getting to be a real smartass." And from the proud grin on his face, this was a good thing.

He patted the hand and then moved his own to wrap around the cup of coffee. He chuckled again seeing that there were three mugs. The adviser was well on his way for making up for his weirdness on the ICP. "Alright, so.. sorry I made you worry about me, but was it really necessary to make a big stink about it on the communicator? You should've known you would be one of the first people I checked on once we were let go."

The advisor smugly took his coffee cup and sat down once he was let go of.

And now came the reason for their meeting, trust Tony to get right to the point.

"I appreciate your concern and that's not why I called on you for a meeting." Taking a sip of coffee, Ignis shook his head. "You were second guessing a man who had a plan to possibly gather intel we cannot acquire here on the train. Maybe if he discovers something those that want to go home could do so, not to mention he probably had some of the inspectors with him and you quite possibly could've blown his cover."

He sighed. "I know you're worried. Reigen is a good man and I don't want to see anything bad happen to him either. However, we couldn't get out of our rooms so it was pointless to argue."

Tony had taken a sniff of his coffee and was indulgently taking the first sip when their meet up was explained as a 'meeting'. Like, something other than the two of them just meeting up after dealing with a problem.

His smile faded and his eyes narrowed a fraction. "You're taking issue with.." Wow. He hadn't really expected that. Most people he pissed off either said it right there or let him get away with it. This was a little new.. except not completely out of character for another man who had the same calm, serious leadership style as Ignis. "So your idea was to see that we were locked in our rooms and just.. give up? If I see my daughter or Buttercup dangling on the edge of a cliff, even if I can't reach them, I'm going to call out to them."

Although, he had really thought through those other points Ignis made. He was giving those questions a thought now. His gaze shifted from the other man to the coffee and then outside the window. "What if he gets hurt or killed? It's a foolish idea. Reigen is risking too much doing this.."

"You were understandably concerned for him as was I." Ignis replied calmly. Taking another sip of coffee he shook his head. He really wasn't trying to be unkind here.

"It wasn't a matter of giving up. I was merely showing him that I had faith in a man whose heart had quite obviously gone into creating a plan. I of course would have advised that someone went with him as well, but not so insistent as you were."

With the risk comment, this is where Ignis really wanted to say so much more than he was going to allow himself to. "I would ask you to consider those questions in regards to your own actions. We heard your blasts and then you looked quite ready to fight when you were in my cabin. I thought you were being foolish and you could've gotten yourself killed along with others on the train."

Another sip of coffee and a sigh. "So please do try and consider your own actions and how they will affect others."

"Really? Because I didn't hear you advising anything other than 'have a nice trip'." This time his words definitely had a bite to them. He set his mug down, a bit unsure if he might break the handle in his grip.

His expression darkened with anger, eyes fierce as the pinned the green ones looking back at him. "I had a room of three girls who were frightened and those bastards were using our emotions like a weapon. If you have an issue with me defending them, you can go fuck yourself." His mind went back to that terrifying moment when Buttercup had dashed forward. It made his stomach twist painfully as he thought of all that could've happened had those inspectors actually been there to harm her. Still, he wasn't going to share that- not right now. He was fighting the desire to toss the coffee at Ignis' stupid, handsome face.

He sighed because he'd already explained what he meant and why. And he wasn't sure he should repeat that with the anger now coming at him in waves it felt like.

"This is why you needed to keep calm and..." Ignis sighed. That anger was just getting worse and he knew it. "I would never fault you for defending anyone had there been a need. They were just doing their job. They could've killed us had they truly wanted to I'm sure after throwing that weapon of theirs around." His own tone was sharpening and the advisor knew that he'd have to be the one to back down.

Points had been made and Tony would need time to reflect on them. That emotional whatever it was scared Ignis too, but he couldn't let it get to his head. Others in the room were depending on him to keep calm and be strong. He'd been trying to tell Tony the same thing but figured right now the point would get lost.

The advisor tried another tactic, hoping against hope that it would get through that damnably thick skull and forcibly calmed his tone. "Do you honestly believe I would want anything to befall you if I could prevent it? What do you think would be the outcome here if something happened to the leader of the train through some rash action of his?"

Edited 2019-10-26 02:31 (UTC)

"They had a suit of armor and so did I. How was I to know nothing I did would've been able to break through? This train is the first place where my armor and my weapons have been completely useless... except Thanos. These beings didn't strike me as whatever the hell he was. And.. 'doing their job'? Are you kidding me? You're defending their profession as people who can randomly hijack our home, barge in without permission or warning, lock us in our rooms like we're a bunch of naughty kids, and decide if we're deemed appropriate to being here? Would you have bent over and let them do a cavity search as well if they'd asked? Maybe thank them when they're done since that's 'polite'."

This logic of Ignis', Tony was rejecting. He wouldn't, couldn't believe he was so in the wrong here. He'd been attacked in his home, caught with his pants down.. literally, and he felt he had every right to defend himself and others. It drove him crazy that he'd get admonished for that- even if the Avengers tended to do that to him a lot too. "But you couldn't. None of us could. So I'm not going to just roll over and wag my tag like a good little puppy. I'm going to bite when cornered."

Although, he really liked that Ignis thought of him as the leader of the train.

Just saying.

He'd been about to sympathize and say that he understood Tony had probably been frightened. Ignis had personally thought the inspectors were Magitek and somehow he was endangering everyone on the train quite inadvertently. But then the onslaught of words just cut him right to the bone. Being insulted wasn't something he was used to at all, and somehow this man just managed to do that every time he was angry.

Obviously Ignis was wasting his time trying to get through. His hands went from his coffee cup to beneath the table where they clenched into fists. His jaw was clenched too as he mentally thought of rebuttals to every one of Tony's points.

The advisor put his head down and kept his tone calm though his heart was heavy and hurting. "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I do believe at this point we have nothing further to say to each other."

What was he doing? It felt like up until this moment, he'd been so caught up in his anger and feelings of violation that he'd forgotten completely who he was talking to. It was something about Ignis' head going down that had finally caught his attention enough to realize what was going on and what he was doing.

He stared for a moment at the wounded young man across the table in quiet horror. What had he done? Would it be possible to forgive? "Ignis.." What could he even say to that? "I'm sorry.. I don't.. I didn't mean any of that."

"Just as you didn't mean to say I'm not loyal if memory serves." This was said somewhat coolly, as if he was talking to a stranger. "And I do seem to recall you having a punching bag, that might be more useful in this case."

His eyes stayed averted and he didn't know what else to say. Going over the points? No, they'd just start the fight over. Ignis didn't mind fighting things but he didn't want to fight people here on the train and especially not Tony. Maybe his inexperience was showing here, maybe they needed a break or something, those were answers the advisor didn't have.

Tony sighed and looked down at his hands folded on the table and thought for a moment. "I felt trapped and scared the girls were going to get hurt. I'm at my wits end that we have no defense against the conductor, the train, or those inspectors. I thought of all people who would understand would be you." He opened one of his hands and laid it on the table, face up. "You didn't deserve that or the other time my anger ran away with me. I don't- I need to get better at controlling it." Dread had clashed with him on a number of occasions over this exact thing too.

"She ran to them. I don't know why. The instant the inspectors told her to, Buttercup went running to them. Every single time something happens on this train, Buttercup suffers. She got hurt on the first world, she got really scared when the power went out here, and Peter risked her life on the last mission." He shook his head with another sigh. "But.. that's still beside the point. The point is, I need to treat you better and control my anger. Please forgive me, Tiger."

The fists unclenched under the table, but Ignis clasped them together instead of bringing them up onto the table as he listened. He'd been correct in assuming that Tony had felt scared, but the part about thinking he'd understand sounded like blame to his ears and Ignis wasn't having it. Seeing the hand on the table, the advisor moved to sit back in his chair. No.

His head cocked to the side at the news about Buttercup though. She might not be an exact replica of Tony's daughter Morgan, but he could definitely see a resemblance. She was a very sweet girl besides and he couldn't fault Tony for being protective, because that's what a father would be like in his mind. Children always seemed to suffer the worst and it always broke Ignis' heart.

His head shook. "I should have waited until a better time to talk to you." It was all he could think to say.

When Tony realized Ignis wasn't going to be so easily won back this time, he pulled his hand back. He hated this- seeing he'd hurt and angered the other man. As much as he was trying to backpedal, that had been an accusation, as unintentional as it had been. He was angry still at Ignis and whoever raised Buttercup and the inspectors and the fact he would ultimately be too weak to stop Thanos without losing his own life.

"Maybe. But I don't know that I would've reacted any better later. I don't handle it well when I'm told I let someone I love down." His gaze lifted to the very person he was talking about. If Ignis was disappointed in him enough that they'd needed a 'meeting', then he needed to take it seriously. Did that mean he had to agree with him? Tony wasn't sure, but he did know Ignis' opinion was vital to him.

Seeing Tony pull himself back bothered Ignis but he knew he had to stand up for himself. Back home he wasn't disrespected even if someone disagreed with him. And even Gladio, his fiercest of defenders, knew when to back down if Ignis pushed. But there still had been no insults, no questioning of where his loyalty was. It was puzzling and hurtful all at the same time.

These thoughts kept him troubled and the handling comment went ignored until Ignis heard that one word and that was the moment when he risked looking up at Tony. He really didn't want to rehash the argument, he'd made his points and he'd heard the other side which he understood until the point of it risked others' lives.

Not quite sure how to delicately say as much, he shook his head.

"Your coffee is going to get cold if you don't drink it."

Edited 2019-10-26 06:14 (UTC)

The fact that this was Ignis standing up for himself was coming across loud and clear. It pained Tony that the other man would need to stand up for himself to the one supposed to be his biggest advocate. He knew insults he gave were harsh and unfair. There were certain people who deserved them but Ignis was far from one of them.

He'd heard Ignis' points and he wanted to respect them even if he didn't agree with all of them. His gaze shifted to his coffee and then back to Ignis' face. "It can be reheated. You're worth a whole lot more." He would find it in himself to fix this so Ignis would see that in his actions and not just his worthless words. He frowned as he considered his options and what he wanted to do clashed with another worry. "I want to come hold you but the way these booths are I don't want you to feel trapped or crowded. Would-"

Just as he was saying that, he glanced out the window and visibly jumped at something. His expression paling slightly as he stared in bewilderment. He saw him! He was there! For just a second, but Tony had seen him. "What the hell?" He asked, moving to get a better look and search the void for how he'd just witnessed him of all beings... "He was right there..."

His head turned away at the worth comment because he didn't feel like it. The offer was declined and a soft "No." came out. He knew if Tony came and held him he'd want to forget everything that had been said and the pattern would repeat. There had to be a reason for all of this, he just didn't know what it was and wouldn't until he asked.

So as he was about to, Tony acted odd even for him. So he got up to look to see whatever it was the older man had. There was nothing there, but Ignis peered intently in case he missed something. "Maybe you should go lie down." He knew this was going to be quite the undertaking considering they had all been locked in their rooms.

"When the last time you ate something? I can make you something in the kitchen and bring it back here to give you time." Ignis didn't know what else he could do in this situation other than try to get to the root of the problem though he wasn't sure that was a good idea at this point.

That hurt. It hurt a lot that he'd done something that hurt Ignis to the point he was refusing to let him sit on the same side of the booth with. This had to be the very last time he did something so horrible or they'd have to part ways. He'd have to for the other man's well-being if not his own.

It took him a few moments to come back from the inward panic at seeing Thanos in the void. He looked at Ignis and frowned. One more glance outside and he had to wonder if he really was losing his mind. He shook his head and picked up the coffee cup, more for the reassuring heat than anything. "No.. I.. I'm not sure." Whatever that had been though, it was unnerving. He wanted to go back to bed, but he didn't really want to go to his bed. Although he was pretty certain anyone else's wasn't an option anymore. So it might be better to just lock himself in this room for a while alone. "I'll be fine. You.. don't worry about me if there's somewhere you'd rather be."

Now he was worried because the other seemed insistent on seeing something that wasn't there. Watching Tony walk past him to get to his coffee, Ignis sighed.

"If there were anywhere else I'd rather be, I'd already be there." He recognized the 'I'll be fine' game because it was one that he played too, and he knew that was definitely a sign that things weren't fine. Seeing things that weren't there, refusing food, those were bad signs or warning signs really.

"Maybe sometime you can tell me what you've sacrificed and the pain you've gone through to cause you to feel like you have to save everyone, as noble a pursuit as that is." The advisor looked down at the floor searching for the right words. "I know you're lashing out and I know you don't mean to."

Risking a look at Tony, he shook his head, his voice was even softer than normal. "I would simply like to find the cause because I can see the pain in your eyes." Ignis wanted nothing more than to reach out, but didn't know if it would be okay so he didn't.

Edited 2019-10-26 21:52 (UTC)

This was confusing. He'd thought with how Ignis had turned down his offer to sit by him meant he was on the verge of walking on them as a couple. Was he wrong?

"The least I could do after what I said is leave you out of having to deal with the rest of my shit, Ignis." Whatever he was seeing out the window, he was fairly sure at this point wasn't real- but that didn't mean he wasn't highly disturbed by it and worried about the ramifications. "And I have told you. I'm responsible for killing a country of people. Before that I'm from a family who sold millions of weapons that ended up in the hands of terrorists and war mongers. I have a loathsome personality so it's sort of the least I could do to make up for it. I'm strong- usually- so I have to be what people need me to be." He honestly wasn't sure who he was even supposed to be if he wasn't the one responsible for everyone else on this train.

However, to hear Ignis had already figured out that he was lashing out and it hadn't been intended helped. "I'm going to work on this. I'm going to find a way to keep this from happening again. I don't want to hurt you again. And that's my problem, not yours." His arms folded in front of his chest. It was the only way to prevent himself from reaching out to Ignis, where he knew it would be unwanted.

"I'm supposed to be your.." and Ignis wasn't sure how to fill that gap. What word did he use? By the Six he didn't even have a name for himself in relation to Tony. Friend didn't cut it, and boyfriend implied more than he was. So instead he tried a different angle. "I thought we were supposed to deal with things together." Was he wrong? He didn't think so but his shoulders slumped anyway.

And as Tony went on, he shook his head. "All of that doesn't tell me.." Ignis sighed and stopped. If that's all he was going to get, well he'd dealt with similar situations back home. He wanted to deal with the pain and fear and failure and all of that together. "And you've been hurt along the way." He knew he was being hypocritical here but he pushed the thought away. They could deal with his idiosyncrasies later.

Finally, Ignis reached a hand to touch Tony's sleeve though his head remained down. "It's our burden to bear."

Edited 2019-10-26 22:28 (UTC)

Tony couldn't figure out what was going on here. He was doing what he thought Ignis had wanted. He'd said no. Now he was wanting to be something different. What did this mean? "We are. Just as I'm supposed to not hurt you and talk to you with respect and I've just failed at that. So I'm not sure what you want right now. Do you want to be left alone? Do you want me to do something specific? I don't know!" And he was stressing about it on a level that wasn't normal. He felt like his emotions were spiraling all over the place. First he was mad and then he felt a depression of sorts and now he was feeling stressed and anxious and like the whole train was about to explode and it was his fault.

His frown deepened, even as a dusting of sweat was slowly forming on his brow. "Well.. obviously. I've told you I'm a complete mess! I don't know what you want though." He put a hand on his chest. He set the coffee down, feeling a wave of weakness.

He'd been trying hard to keep his distance but the moment Ignis touched him, he was engulfed in a fierce hug. Tony burying his face against his shoulder and he was starting to tremble. "What the hell is going on? Is this from the.. is their emotion manipulation weapons still working on us?"

He wasn't going to deny that Tony was right on the failing to respect part. "We need to talk this out and figure out what's going wrong." Ignis didn't want to keep fighting Tony, it wasn't the right course of action. He hurt for both of them, and the advisor hated seeing his lover in pain. They just had to get things settled and to watch the other going through something that perhaps had nothing to do with either of them cheered him a little.

Seeing the hand go onto the chest had Ignis shake his head instead of reaching out. "You need to slow down." He didn't need anything happening to Tony at all nor did the rest of the train. Yes, the other was a mess and that wouldn't get denied, but it also didn't need to be agreed with. Maybe some other hand was at play here, one they had yet to pinpoint.

Suddenly though, those strong arms were around him and Ignis felt warm. He allowed himself to relax though he could feel Tony shaking which of course bothered the advisor. Tightening his grip, he gently placed a hand to the back of his lover's head. "Whatever it is, I will stand with you and help you to bear your burdens."

Edited 2019-10-26 22:54 (UTC)

He was pretty sure the only thing going wrong was himself and nothing to do with the other man, but he wasn't going to say that. Ignis didn't seem to respond well when he blamed himself for things, even if it was accurate. Either way, those issues could be set aside for the moment while he continued to feel that extreme anxiety within him. It was very strange as he would've understood an anxiety attack, but this felt different. There didn't seem to be a specific trigger and it wasn't building up like it usually did. It was just *bad* and constant.

"What do I need to slow down? I'm not doing anything." Whatever Ignis thought he should do, he was willing to try. He couldn't help the small smile when Ignis reiterated that they were facing this together. "You're insane for wanting to be with me, Ignis, but I love you for it."

"If that hand on your chest is any indication, maybe should just rest today." A pause as his brain worked at another reply. "And you've yet to eat today." Ignis planned on feeding Tony, it just would be a matter of when because he wasn't about to let the other get away without eating.

Sighing as he continued to hold onto his lover, the advisor finally smiled as he was termed insane. "Don't forget that I've seen what a good man lies beneath all that pain and brashness." His grip tightened only a little more. "So don't be afraid to let me share the load."

As he stood there and held on, Ignis wondered if he should have Tony lay down but this moment between them was needed and he selfishly didn't want to move and disrupt it. There'd been hurtful words and actions so he would treasure these few moments.

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