video; a blood cultist's apology and offer

[sacrament_of_blood]

[A teenage girl with red eyes and sharp teeth is on the screen. Behind her, one of the washing machines can be seen with laundry soap suds spilling out of it and onto the floor. She looks both troubled and apologetic.

It's pretty bad, too, the suds're spilling into nearby cars.]

I am sending this for several reasons.

Firstly, I am Merciless and I wish to apologize for my errors that caused the state of affairs you can see. I carefully observed another person using the machine so I could perform my duty properly. However, I believe my error laid in the amount of soap I used or at least it was the primary difference between our actions. I used considerably more than the other person with the intention of getting the clothes more clean.

As you can see, that was a mistake and I extend my apologies. I shall do my utmost to clean this up, although I would greatly appreciate it if someone showed me how. This event has eroded my confidence in my ability to do such tasks without guidance.

[She sighs.]

Secondly, after I clean this up, I will be offering my services as a priestess. I am far more capable at that. I have had intensive training in it, wherefore I have not had any training in doing laundry. I can bless objects including fluids and perform ceremonies such as weddings and funerals. I can also perform rituals such as preservation from decay, tracking by blood, or warding against an enemy. However, any ceremonies I perform will have to be adjusted to a more generalized form, as I do not believe there are any here who worship the gods of my people.

Speaking of, thirdly I wish to hear about your gods. What gods do you have?

Comments

[video]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Uh... where are my Prinnies?

[Of course Zetta opens without context, explanation, or courtesy. What part of 'Zetta' was unclear here?]

[sacrament_of_blood]

Oh dear, I shall help you look for them, but I know not what they are or what they look like.

[She's assuming it's her fault and related to her laundry messup.]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

You -- you can't miss them.

...Actually, I'm pretty sure I spot one right now. Check behind you.

[Because Zetta has indeed spotted a peg leg poking up through a mound of suds, and twitching feebly.]

[sacrament_of_blood]

Ah!

[And she's gonna just leave the video running while she hastens to extract the poor thing from the suds. She pats the Prinny on the back and they flee. After a search through the suds for others, Merciless returns to the screen.]

Most of them fled the room when it happened. I apologize for imperiling them.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

H-hey! Don't be nice to them!

[The Overlord will defend his servants as needed, but this crosses a line!]

They're supposed to suffer!

[sacrament_of_blood]

And pray why are they required to suffer?

[She didn't see why such cute beings had to suffer.]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

They're reincarnations of worthless souls. Being Prinnies is their penance for all their sins. Eventually they can earn the right to be reincarnated again.

Merciless is way too nice for a blood cultist

[sacrament_of_blood]

I see, so they are sinners doing their penance. Regardless I do not find it in my heart to be cruel. But I will keep in mind what you have said.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

...You're really, really, really misnamed, aren't you.

[Seriously, what the hell? Is it ironic or something? Maybe it's rebellion. Naming a kid 'Merciless' is just asking for them to get all pacifist or something, isn't it?]

[sacrament_of_blood]

They are not my enemies, thus I am not required to be merciless toward them.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

So then you have mercy, it just isn't applicable to your enemies. That's not the same! Now granted, 'Situational Mercy' isn't really a badass name, but still, it's like you're named "Constant Dogkicker" but it turns out you won't punt pooches who aren't some breed of pug.

[sacrament_of_blood]

To be merciless to ones enemies is a virtue I am named for. To be merciless to all is not a virtue but a vice.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Okay, but still, that's like calling a planet "Horrible Ice World" because its polar caps are frozen.

[sacrament_of_blood]

You seem fixated upon this matter of my name.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Because it's such a kickass name and you're totally not rocking it!

[sacrament_of_blood]

It is becoming very clear that you value such things over being virtuous.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

...Duh? I'm a demon, I'm opposed to all virtues as a rule. Mercy's just one of them.

[sacrament_of_blood]

Then you are a being of evil, but I suppose you would take that as a compliment.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Oh hell yeah. Finally, some credit! [At last, someone gets it! Demons are evil! Zetta is a demon! Zetta is evil!]

[sacrament_of_blood]

You seem strangely enthusiastic about that even for a being of evil.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

An Overlord has a duty to be an exemplar of evil. A pinnacle all the demons of their Netherworld can aspire to be like. And since I'm the most badass freakin' Overlord in the entire cosmos, my level of evil is a standard for everyone to admir!

[sacrament_of_blood]

And yet I apparently am one of few to call you evil.

[That's truly baffling, unless.]

...Are you one who are more talk than action?

[badassfreakingoverlord]

I have pride. Standards. Like picking on all of you guys is just pathetic, since you can't escape or even fight properly here on this train. That'd make me out more cowardly than evil.

[sacrament_of_blood]

So you are effectively a harmless form of evil?

[badassfreakingoverlord]

...Look, again. Do you really, really want me to prove it? Would you seriously feel better about this whole thing if you were dead or subjugated by me? And would it really prove anything if I wasted my time and effort on all of that, when it just makes more sense not to?

Evil isn't STUPID, kid.