video; a blood cultist's apology and offer

[sacrament_of_blood]

[A teenage girl with red eyes and sharp teeth is on the screen. Behind her, one of the washing machines can be seen with laundry soap suds spilling out of it and onto the floor. She looks both troubled and apologetic.

It's pretty bad, too, the suds're spilling into nearby cars.]

I am sending this for several reasons.

Firstly, I am Merciless and I wish to apologize for my errors that caused the state of affairs you can see. I carefully observed another person using the machine so I could perform my duty properly. However, I believe my error laid in the amount of soap I used or at least it was the primary difference between our actions. I used considerably more than the other person with the intention of getting the clothes more clean.

As you can see, that was a mistake and I extend my apologies. I shall do my utmost to clean this up, although I would greatly appreciate it if someone showed me how. This event has eroded my confidence in my ability to do such tasks without guidance.

[She sighs.]

Secondly, after I clean this up, I will be offering my services as a priestess. I am far more capable at that. I have had intensive training in it, wherefore I have not had any training in doing laundry. I can bless objects including fluids and perform ceremonies such as weddings and funerals. I can also perform rituals such as preservation from decay, tracking by blood, or warding against an enemy. However, any ceremonies I perform will have to be adjusted to a more generalized form, as I do not believe there are any here who worship the gods of my people.

Speaking of, thirdly I wish to hear about your gods. What gods do you have?

Comments

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Oh hell yeah. Finally, some credit! [At last, someone gets it! Demons are evil! Zetta is a demon! Zetta is evil!]

[sacrament_of_blood]

You seem strangely enthusiastic about that even for a being of evil.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

An Overlord has a duty to be an exemplar of evil. A pinnacle all the demons of their Netherworld can aspire to be like. And since I'm the most badass freakin' Overlord in the entire cosmos, my level of evil is a standard for everyone to admir!

[sacrament_of_blood]

And yet I apparently am one of few to call you evil.

[That's truly baffling, unless.]

...Are you one who are more talk than action?

[badassfreakingoverlord]

I have pride. Standards. Like picking on all of you guys is just pathetic, since you can't escape or even fight properly here on this train. That'd make me out more cowardly than evil.

[sacrament_of_blood]

So you are effectively a harmless form of evil?

[badassfreakingoverlord]

...Look, again. Do you really, really want me to prove it? Would you seriously feel better about this whole thing if you were dead or subjugated by me? And would it really prove anything if I wasted my time and effort on all of that, when it just makes more sense not to?

Evil isn't STUPID, kid.

[sacrament_of_blood]

So, what do you do that is evil?

[She's somewhat baffled but intrigued.]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Well, ordinarily, I rule my Netherworld like the despot I am, conquer others for kicks, leave destruction and chaos in my wake, humiliate heroes, mercenaries, and adventurers, pull duty as obnoxious postgame bosses that take weeks of grinding to stand up to, litter, steal, cheat, implement arbitrary laws, pitch Prinnies, expose others to my ego, make lists where some items are really bad and some are just questionable, and break the fourth wall for the sake of comedy.

[sacrament_of_blood]

I am now certain that I don't understand you.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Hyaaaha ha ha ha! Of course not! We demons have an advanced, nuanced understanding of evil far beyond ordinary humans!

[sacrament_of_blood]

I am not certain about your understanding of evil, but I am increasingly certain you are beyond comprehension.