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[sos_pilot]

[ The video is late at night - not too late to wake a bunch of people up, but it's definitely different than Della's usual videos where it's an earlier time. Not to mention she kinda... looks like hell. Bags under her eyes, all the usual signs of exhaustion - but it's more than that. She actually looks emotionally beat up. ]

... Hey, guys. I figured I owed a bunch of you an explanation about my behavior last mission. Look, I know a lot of the time I'm all "woo, adventure, let's beat up monsters, yeah!" everywhere we go, but last time I was more... out of control. Not listening to anyone, still trying to fight even when I was literally falling apart... and I am sorry. I shouldn't have to make you guys worry more than you already have to, especially in the middle of a dangerous fight.

... Here's the deal. All of you are amazing, you have to know that on some level. You've got super powers, you've got metal bodies, you've got magic, and even of those of you who are about to say "Oh, I'm just some ordinary human" - you're not. So many of you have amazing abilities with your weapons, brilliant minds that have led kingdoms and companies, you're all wonderful, and should be so proud of yourself. I'm proud of each and every single one of you.

... And all I can do is land a solid punch every now and then. Back home, I... I was on a team. My family. They all had their own special talents too, and when I finally came home, maybe some part of me wondered... if they really needed me after all, since they'd done so well without me for ten years. And now, here I am, and I can't even do the one thing I at least KNOW I'm good at, being a pilot. Here, I'm just... me.

[ She sighs, taking off her pilot's cap to run a hand through her hair. ]

Dang, I didn't mean to ramble. Just... I'm sorry. I'll try to make sure it won't happen again.

... 'Night, guys.

[ For anyone wanting to check in on her, she can be found in the lower-carriage of the library, wordlessly thumbing through her copy of the Junior Woodchuck Guide, though not really reading it. ]

Comments

[Action, cause you said it was okay]

[guru_clef]

Clef was in his usual spot atop the tall stone that lived in the library. He had been transitioning from going over his notes - again - to working on the project he had with Kaiba. Which would have felt really stupid in light of his new urgency, but it was to earn books tat would help with his actual goal. So as inane as it was, working on a stupid game was actually working towards the goal of breaking free of the Train's hold.

But he knew the look of someone not really reading.

He wasn't in a great mood or he might have spoken up when she first came in, if only to say hi. But he didn't. He was tired after the mission, but the anger, the frustration, the helplessness, it all bubbled still, still drove him.

But he was a Guru. Had been for far longer than he had been Ascended. Far longer than he had known Nita. He had to offer what aid he could. Had to.

"Unless you absorb throgh osmosis, I believe a book is meant to be read, not flipped through absently," he said, his voice dry but quiet.

[sos_pilot]

Della glanced over at him, but only briefly, before returning her eyes back to the guide. "I've got the thing practically memorized. I don't really need to read it."

Which meant she wasn't actually there to read at all - just needing something to stare at while her mind circled in depression.

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[badassfreakingoverlord]

...Why the hell have you never joined my party!?

[sos_pilot]

[ rubbing her temples. ]

Zeta, if this is about me becoming your vassal again, I swear...

[blue_ice]

Della...

[ No wonder he'd been feeling a little off toward the end. He felt a surge of guilt for not being there. ]

Don't repeat that I admitted this, but we're all flawed. Failing at your area of expertise once doesn't mean you've completely invalidated yourself---it took me a while to figure that one out. It means you were stressed, overwhelmed...and with that last mission, who wasn't?

If you ever want to come with us on Orange, we're usually solving puzzles. But you're going to recover, and you're going to be fine.

[sos_pilot]

... Maybe I could be better there. I dunno. Hopefully.

[ There's a weak smile at the end of the sentence. ]

... I appreciate it, Seto.

action

[blitzcheer]

[ It's not like he can avoid Della when they're both stuck on a train.

And he hasn't been, not exactly. It's been busy after that last mission, and he's been worn out, spending time trying to distract Inigo and not have him think about his missing mum. Now though, hearing Della's voice all over the train...

He's not sure she'll still be in the library, when he goes through. But he does linger, he does check, and there he finds her tucked with her book, and whatever pushed him to search for her drops for him. What is he supposed to say?

Idling, he pats a hand against the other, leaning a bit where he stands. ]

...Hi.

[sos_pilot]

[ She looks over, and gives a weak little smile. ]

... Hey.

[ She places the book aside, to show that he has her full attention. ]

... Thanks. Y'know, for... making sure I didn't get ripped apart out there. I know I acted like a huge idiot.

[Action]

[helborn]

[It's not like Casper is often too far away from the library. He spots Della as she's thumbing through her book and walks over, crouching next to the chair to be near head level with her. He's quiet for a bit before speaking.]

... Is it okay if I give you a hug?

[Action]

[sos_pilot]

[ Della doesn't look up until he speaks. When she does, it's with a weak smile, putting the book aside. ]

I'd never say no to a good hug.

[ As if further proof, she's already opening her arms. ]

[Action]

[dreamtamer]

[ After seeing that post, Takato and Guilmon had gone looking for her. It takes them a while, but they finally think of the library. ]

Della... Are you okay?

[sos_pilot]

[ Hearing their voices, she looks up with a weak smile, putting the book aside. ]

Well well well, if it isn't the dynamic duo. Back to two people again?

video;

[theturksway]

Hey, what's wrong with punching things?

[Look, he's trying not to show his concern but let's face it he's not Rude his stoic partner good at not showing his emotions on his face most of the time outside of work. He thought he'd already gone through this song and dance with everyone back on the last world before they left but apparently he'd missed Della. He thought maybe she'd finally gotten some much needed rest but...apparently... it wasn't enough to make her feel better. He hated dealing with guilt but she was nice to him and he maybe kinda appreciated that and jfdkslfj gdit emotions, leave him alone.

So he's just gonna try to make her laugh or something with his usual stupid antics and pretend this isn't him trying to cheer her up. Other people were better at that nonsense.

Also! Seriously, what's wrong with just punching things!?! That's what his partner was good at and he loved Rude for it! It was very helpful!]

There's always something to punch and I, for one, like a good brawler at my back. Who is also a good pilot. Did I ever tell you my partner is good at punching things and piloting stuff? 'Cause, he's the freakin' best.

[sos_pilot]

[ It gets a tired little smile out of her, but it's still appreciated all the same. Still... ]

... Let me just ask you this. The Turks - it's not like just anyone can sign up, right? Does it require training and all that?

action;

[flatteries]

[ Replying over the ICPs feels too hard in his current state. He's too afraid a bit too much emotion may spill out, and he really doesn't want to show the whole world that right now.

But he doesn't want to ignore Della either. Not when she's obviously hurting. So Inigo instead starts looking through the train, all the way until he finds her in the library. He spots her easily, but takes another moment before approaching her. Because he needs to sort himself out first, make sure that he doesn't look as sad as he's feeling.

That he can greet her with a smile, the moment he finally approaches and puts a hand on her shoulder. ]

.. Hey, Della. I'm assuming about a dozen people already stopped by to tell you this, but.. you're pretty amazing in your own way, you know.

[sos_pilot]

[Della felt she hasn't seen Inigo for a while, but doesn't blame him - he probably wanted to spend all his time with his mom. If her sons were here, she'd be stuck like them to glue too.

She feels the hand on her shoulder, and gives it an appreciative squeeze as she places the book aside. ]

Yeah, yeah... hearing it is one thing, though. Accepting it is a whole other ballgame.

Video

[light_of_willpower]

We haven't talked much, Della, but you being you? That's enough. We're all here because of who we are. I'm sure you are good at a lot of things besides being a pilot. For one, you're always one of the first people to welcome and encourage others.

This probably all sounds stupid. But well, you're not alone in worrying if you're 'enough', and you definitely have good skills and things you can do besides being a pilot.

[sos_pilot]

... We're all here for a reason. That's what I kept telling the newcomers here, to try and calm them down about this whole... situation.

But it's something I made up. Really, no one knows why we were chosen. We still don't have so many answers.

Video

[yondu]

[Yondu has an arrow that can pierce hull metal, and he still feels that sense of worthlessness. Captain of his own ship? Still feels it. He couldn't escape an illusion that he knew was there. He couldn't heal himself. Even with a full team around him, he just missed his old team the whole time. It ate at him every spare moment, even knowing they hated him all he could do was cling to the good.]

[He's still considering himself damn lucky that he's managed to make one (1) real friend that he trusts not to bail on him. He gets it in a way, he does. None of that is going to get said, though. Instead he closes in on a part of it that feels alright on his end to mention in mixed company.]

So you're a pilot, huh? I did a lot of pilotin'. Spaceships- M-Ships actually, these little fighters? I think the principle is about the same. I miss it like hell. Bein' out in the black or just up in the air.

[sos_pilot]

... Airplanes. That's my expertise. Spaceships... I've been in about them three times, and let's just say each one was connected to a Very Bad Thing.

[ It's not his fault, he doesn't know. But yeesh, everyone has either never heard of planes, or are just beyond them into spaceships. She's not sure how to feel about that. ]

[Action]

[goingthroughaphase]

[ Kitty isn't sure why she was still awake, but she was glad that she had been, so she could catch Della's message on the terminal. She'd been worried about Della for a while, but getting her to talk about things had always been difficult.

It takes a while, but eventually she finds Della in the library. ]

...Hey.

[sos_pilot]

[ Hearing Kitty's voice, she looks up, puts on a small smile, and puts aside her guidebook. ]

... I'm guessing you saw what I said.

[Action]

[averyusefultray]

[LIke she can ignore something like that. For one thing, it's a situation she recognizes. And they had bonded. So she goes looking for Della.]

Hey.

[sos_pilot]

[ She glances up when she hears a familiar voice and, being polite, puts aside the guidebook. ]

... I take it you heard the whole thing?

video

[myblueskies]

Miss Della? [He's in his pyjamas, his hair mussed up. He had been half asleep and usually he wouldn't get up to respond to any videos in this time when he was definitely sleepy but many of the adults were still awake.

But miss Della sounds sad... Not like herself at all.]

You got a team here too and you are an important part of it! Even if you don't got magic or super strength!

[sos_pilot]

[ Ah, crud. She didn't mean to wake up any actual kids. Now she feels worse. ]

Y-Yeah, I know, I know... don't worry about it. Go back to sleep, okay?

Audio only

[subcircuits]

[The deep voice coming through in response to her broadcast is quiet and solemn.] The only thing I've ever been any good for at home is piloting. That's the-- the one contribution I could make to my community that mattered. And when I got here, I didn't know what the hell I was going to do without my rig. How could I possibly contribute on missions with all these metahumans and magicians on the field? I can throw a punch too, but in the end I am just some ordinary human. [Don't @ him on that.]

But...

[He falls silent, the moment stretching long enough that it's possible he's given up and disconnected. But then he laughs, soft and wondering, and continues.] I'm starting to realize that this train doesn't need people like me and you fighting. There are other things we can do. Things we don't even know we can do, that make a difference out there on the ground even if we're not punching bad guys.

If... I... could find something like that... I'm sure you can too.

[sos_pilot]

[ It is nice to hear from a fellow pilot, and one whos' been in the same depressive funk she's been.

... But. Maybe it's also because of that she can't help but pick at it too. Sometimes when you hurt, you want others to feel the same. ]

... Could. Does that mean you haven't found it, yet?

[paopuofyourlife]

[This is something Kairi can kinda relate to. Sure she has a keyblade and magic, but when she compares to everyone else...]

I think I can honestly understand what you mean. I know a lot of amazing people back at home to and I wonder if my friends do better without me. But that's why I try my hardest to learn, improve and maybe find new skills so that I can consider myself on the same level someday.

So if you feel such a way, maybe we can try and find something else you enjoy and work on that. I at least believe in you, even if we don't know each other.

[sos_pilot]

[ She doesn't want to crush this girl's kind word, and they're so genuine and sincere. It's just... so hard to hear and accept them, in her current state. ]

... If I could, that'd be great. It's just... not something I can even imagine, right this moment.

[10billionpercent]

I understand...

[ It's not often that Senku can say that when people are showing their emotions, but this one he painfully understands. He feels the same way after that mission. It was a horrible mission, really. Really terrible. ]

I am just an ordinary human though. [ He quips, it's a light joke. ]

I think that you have skills that only you can use, we just have to find a way to fit them in.

[sos_pilot]

[ She can't help but give him a Look. ]

... Senku. You know I love you. But that brain of yours is FAR from ordinary.

[Video]

[melodiouspacifist]

[ Yeah, okay, he feels bad about that. He feels bad about all of that. He wasn't that nice to Della - she made him - but still it wasn't very nice.

He knows.

It's a part of who he is though, and flirting with darkness is what he does. Also, he doesn't think she'd know why his magic inevitably failed, but that's alright. He doesn't need people fussing over him and his brushes with death.

He isn't sure what to say, he's not good at apologizing, and he's definitely killed this friendship, he's pretty sure.

So she can see him, he hestiates, but says nothing. He moves like he's about to turn it off anyway. ]

[sos_pilot]

[ When she sees him, her face softens. ]

... Hey, Demyx. ... I owe you a major apology, and a whole lot of thanks for trying to save my hide.

[ ... possibly not what he was expecting. ]

Video

[gundamofthedesert]

You shouldn't sell yourself short, Ms. Della. You are a good person. The missions are very stressful and they can make us doubt ourselves, especially when we look at each other and see someone right next to you have an easier time of it than you are.

But that's okay because we are all strong in our own way. You're probably much better at throwing a punch than I am and being a pilot is always useful. You have that knowledge and I'm sure there is much more to you than just that.

[sos_pilot]

... How is it always useful, when not once have we come across a pilot, or anything that needs to be flown?