[Voice] Imagination 22

[ayao]

[He is tired and sad and more beside himself than he would like to admit.]

Xue Yang, answer me.

[That isn't how he wants to begin this broadcast, so he breathes in...and out.]

Has anyone seen Chifeng-Zun? I cannot find him and I know of no ill that has befallen him.

[Now, the part that really hurts.]

Huaisang, Zewu-Jun, I have failed you in not protecting him. I tried.

Comments

[so_dark_a_road]

Ah, right. In your world, males have given names, clan names, courtesy names, and names that honor their contributions. He must have come in on a platform day that I missed, or I'd know who you're talking about. But he was someone you cared about, obviously. What was your connection to him?

Xue Yang does have a penchant for risking his life. That's one of his characteristics that I could identify with. You would follow him into death? Or did you mean you would follow Nie Mingjue?

[ayao]

He took me in when my father rejected me. [Saying that aloud is part of his healing process.] The Nie sect has accepted me as one of their own. I owe them my life.

[He is also dearly in love with Mingjue.]

I - I would follow Nie Mingjue. But...if Xue Yang has died here, doesn't he return to us? That is what I meant. He has returned before as I recall.

[so_dark_a_road]

That seems an excellent reason for your gratitude and loyalty. Especially if his entire sect accepted you.

[ Understandably in love! ]

If you follow Nie Mingjue, would you hope to find him again in another world? Or even in your own?

As for Xue Yang, if he has died, he'll return via the luggage car, probably at the next platform. Unless of course, the gold appears around his name in the roster. If that happens, he may not return.

[ayao]

They...did. Eventually. He made it clear that I was wanted by giving me a position at his side.

[Where did it go so wrong that he ends up being the cause of Mingjue's death? Meng Yao isn't sure.]

He is dead in mine. [His lips twist sadly.] I have no right to follow him, but I know that my spirit will be drawn to his upon my demise.

Mm he is too stubborn to stay away. This is a good opportunity for him too.

[so_dark_a_road]

That was very kind of him.

[ Things go wrong, and people suffer for it. That is an unfortunate fact of life. ]

I am sorry for you, then. [ He gazes upon Meng Yao's sad face with sympathy. ] But maybe Nie Mingjue would feel otherwise about your following him. Maybe he would want to find you again, and be happy if you two met again in this life or another.

[ He can't help smiling a little. ] Xue Yang is stubborn, that is true! I hope that characteristic brings him back.

[ayao]

He is a good man.

[What went wrong is entirely in Meng Yao's mind - a product of what his father did to him. And his genetics, most likely.]

I...do not think so. I...am the one who killed him. In...my future. [He struggles to say the truth.] I must lose my mind.

[so_dark_a_road]

You are the one who killed Nie Mingjue? And that's in your future, so the only way you would know about it is if others had told you. Or if Nie Mingjue did.

What happened?

[ayao]

I am. [He ordered Xue Yang to do it after he drove Mingjue mad.]

Everyone alerted me of the truth when I arrived. Mingjue sought to take my life when we first met aboard the train. His brother still wants me dead.

[Meng Yao feels his heart racing.]

I was told that Nie Mingjue betrays me...in the future. I do not know how or why. My sanity must...slip. When love turns to hate, it is a dangerous thing.

[so_dark_a_road]

[ Curufin nods. He's not at all unfamiliar with murderous actions and intentions among people who should be allies! ]

In that case, I'm glad he didn't succeed. We don't need another murder on the train. His brother is Nie Huaisang, I take it. I only met him once, and he seems a very friendly and diffident sort of person. But people are complex, and you never really know what a person is capable of. You'd better be careful.

The others didn't tell you how Nie Mingjue will betray you in your future? So, that's why you decide to kill him. It's true, when love turns to hate, the deadliest forces in the human heart are unleashed.

[ayao]

I will try to...show him...that I mean him no harm. But that takes time and I'm not sure if he sees my actions. He lost his brother - the last of his kin - by my hands. I understand his reticence in giving me an audience.

[All of it hurts. Huaisang is someone he loves; someone he considers a friend. Now he feels the man's hatred.]

I can only imagine that I followed my father's orders and that said orders flew in the face of Mingjue's morals. I have long wanted to be accepted by my father.

I know that is impossible now.

[so_dark_a_road]

It would be difficult for him. But I think it may not be impossible. I have a similar situation in my own life. I caused or at least contributed to my cousin Finrod's death, and before that, I took his kingdom away from him. I met him and his sister Galadriel in another world, and I tried to reconcile with both of them. They were not very willing at first, but we were making progress when that world ceased to be viable.

[ People often think that only the victims feel pain. They don't know that the perpetrator does, too. ]

It is at least understandable, if you followed your father's orders in that future. Fathers and sons! [ He shakes his head. ] Is there ever any understanding how deep and complicated that relationship is?

When did you come to the conclusion that you will never be accepted by your father?

[ayao]

Thank you for giving me some hope. [That hope is what he clings to with all of his might and sanity. Without it, he feels like he has been torn to pieces and left to drift in the wind.]

My father has never accepted me. I am his bastard - one of many - and he left me to be raised in a brothel alongside my mother. He won't even give me his name. When I went to see him after her death, he blamed me for interrupting my brother's birthday celebration and kicked me down a long flight of stairs.

I could barely stand. Nie Mingjue took me under his wing then - he did not have to - and I have been loyal to him since. However if my father required something of me...

Something that would mean he would accept me...

I can see why I would be tempted.

[so_dark_a_road]

Where love and loyalty are concerned, hope is essential. You are very welcome, and if there is anything else I can do, just let me know.

Your father doesn't sound like a very compassionate man!

Yes, I can see how you would feel gratitude towards Nie Mingjue.

And I can see how you might, in your future, be tempted to accede to your father's request if that meant he would acknowledge you as his son and give you the acceptance and social position that being his son would entail. As I said, that relationship is complex and compelling, and a son can never really shut his heart to his father.

[ayao]

Thank you again, Lord Curufin. I offer you the same. [Though he feels useless at the moment.]

I do not think he ever knew compassion. [Jin Guangshan is one of the most selfish men in existence.] Nie Mingjue was his opposite. Is...his opposite.

But I must shut him out. For the safety of those around me. His influence over me is perilous and if I give into it, Nie Mingjue will die.