voidtreckernet | [ Audio

[This wasn't good. As he looked at the roster, his frown deepened at whose name was showing gold.

He might need May on this one.

It isn't long before he shows up in the movie car with some water.]

When was the last time you saw her?

[ Peters over by the ICP scrolling through available movies and trying to find one he can easily distract himself with when he hears Tony come in. ]

Oh. Uh... on the mission, actually. I think I saw her briefly on the Beach but I didn't actually get to talk to her.

[He hands the bottle over to Peter.]

Drink.

[He sighed and rubbed his face once his hands were free.]

Did you see the roster? A whole bunch of people are gold. I wonder if there isn't some kind of glitch in whatever system this thing uses after not this mission but the last. I'm sure they'll all be back soon.

Yeah, I saw.

[ Peter says glumly. Even Renee and Cal. Is this going to just be a monthly thing? bunch of people go missing at a time and maybe the come back but maybe they don't? Where do they go anyway? ]

I don't know why I didn't see this coming, you know? I should have. [ Because everyone leaves. He takes the water but he doesn't take and more just... stares down into the bottle. ]

...I just... I got too close, I guess.

Peter stop it! You aren't cursed. We know how this train is. People disappear but they often reappear within a short period of time. There's something going on right now that's bigger than you.

[He pulled Peter into a side hug.]

It'll be okay. Just don't start doing that thing where you become a robot again. I know it hurts and it sucks.

[ Peter's not really in the mood for a hug right now and just shrugs himself free, his eyes a little bloodshot and breathing maybe a little irregular. ]

But how do you know that Mr Stark? Why else do I just keep losing everyone? Why does everyone always leave? What did I do!?

And I shouldn't even be this upset because you're right, it's not like she's fully gone, she could turn up again-I mean I don't really trust myself to be that lucky because why would I? But she'd just be going back home, right? As far as we know? And that's a good thing but I still feel like I'm fighting myself-like part of me just wants to be numb to it but the other part wants to just scream and throw things-which isn't gonna help anyone-not that I really care right now except that's not what I'm doing so I guess I do care a little?

I just- [ He sucks a deep breath, hands gripping at his curls as he starts to feel a little more manic. ]

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel right now. It's just-It's so hard [ His voice breaks on the word. ] To tell myself that it'll be okay when I just keep losing everyone.

[ He hiccups slightly before wiping at his eyes. ]

[Tony doesn't fight him. He was still learning all of Peter's cues and he wasn't always going to be right.]

Because that's life. You ultimately lose everyone. You can postpone it if you're lucky but in the end, when you die, you have to become star dust or whatever you want to call it, alone.

[He reached down and picked up the water bottle. He offered it again.]

Scream. Throw things. Stop censoring yourself and let yourself express your emotions. Do whatever is the opposite of going numb. And yeah, it is hard.

[This hurt Tony. He hurt for Peter. He hurt for himself having to watch Peter. He hurt because Gwen had been someone he'd begun counting as family.]

Maybe it's the two of us together. I lose everyone too.

[ Peter stops for a second as he considers what Tony's saying. ]

Then what's the point of anything? If we're just gonna lose it all in the end, why even bother? I think I'd rather be numb-or I don't know. Take a break somehow-to just stop existing for a while, you know?

Honestly, I don't know how you do it, Mr Stark. I'm not even half your age yet and I already feel like I'm going crazy.

[Tony is quiet for a few moments after Peter's stopped talking. He could give the kid all kinds platitudes but he knows those don't ever really help.]

I drink. I also spar a lot. It does get to me and sometimes I need a break. So.. if that's really what you need to do then I can't fault you for it. But..

[Okay, maybe a little cliche here.]

If you left tomorrow I'd be devastated but I wouldn't trade my time with you for anything.

[ He takes in another breath and then steps over closer, still ignoring the water bottle and hugs Tony tight, staying silent for a long moment while he just appreciates that Tony is still there and he can still go to him for things. ]

I don't sleep.

[ He finally admits-he knows Tony is aware of this as it's not really a secret. ]

I say that I can't sleep maybe because it's true and I know that that's pretty normal for kids that have been through a pretty serious trauma-but also I don't want to sleep sometimes. I mean, I say that I don't want the nightmares but is that just an excuse to get away with hurting myself? Because that's what it is-it's self harm.

[Tony tosses the bottle aside. Peter knew where it was if he wanted it. Right now this was about doing whatever the boy needed.

He smiled when it was a hug.]

I know. If I could make the pain stop and people quit leaving you, you know I would. I know sleep is something you can control. I'm being a hypocrite getting on your cause about it but I can't help it. I worry.

[ Peter's not letting go immediately-he likes hugs and just as always, Tony just has a way of making him feel safe and normal especially when he doesn't think he is. ]

You're not a hypocrite Mr Stark, you're a dad. What's that thing parents always say? Do as I say, not as I do?

[He wasn't letting go yet. He tightened his grip just a little more as he sensed Peter needing it. Maybe he hadn't had it wrong earlier after all.

He breathed a laugh and nodded.]

Yeah but when have you ever listened to what I say?

[ Peter can't help the small laugh that escapes him. ]

That is entirely beside the point, Mr Stark. [ Amusement leaking into his voice. ]

[Peter laughed. Tony wins.]

You know what the best cure for the blues is? Work. I saw some more of those dumb ants on the wall on the way over here. Doesn't that sound like just the thing to cheer you up?

[ That is gonna get Peter step back and give Tony a look. ]

Uh, no. Not at all, actually. You can't just turn around and destroy the moment by giving me chores.

[Tony laughs harder at that look. He waves his hand and shakes his head.]

I'm kidding! I wish I had a camera though. That was priceless.

[ The look doesn't recede from his face just yet. ]

And you wonder why I'm a rebellious teenager.

You enjoy giving me gray hairs?

[He ruffled Peter's floppy brown curls.]

You keep my life interesting, that's for sure.

[ Audio | Day 12 ]

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