voidtreckernet | Forward-dated to after Gwen Vanishes

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Forward-dated to after Gwen Vanishes

{ ICP Station in the Dressing Room. }

[ The feed snaps on to show Peter, his hair's actually combed and he's actually wearing his polo. One might even say he looks nice. ]

Uh... Gwen? It's been like uh... an hour-ish and I haven't uh... you coming? We were gonna meet in the Lavender Death Room right? Or the Gym? I mean I checked the gym but you weren't there either.

oh.. and uh in case anyone's alarmed-the Lavender Death Room doesn't smell like Lavender anymore-it actually smells really good. Like really, really good.

Uh... anyways... um... Gwen? Just call me back, please?

[ He cuts the feed. ]

{ In Person about three hours later. }

[ Peter's still sitting in the room he was supposed to have his sort of date with Gwen. He's given up looking for her for now and is now just laying on the ground, staring at the ceiling and trying hard not to think about the fact she could be gone. ]

[ Why does he let himself keep getting attached to people when his luck always finds a way to tear them away. His parents, His uncle and though it wasn't in the same way- He lost Liz due to her dad being a literal super villain, and then now Gwen. Why does this keep happening? ]

[ He lets out a sigh and covers his face in his hands. There's nothing to suggest anything's happened to her-maybe she's just... hiding somewhere. He thinks he might prefer being stood up to losing yet another person he's gotten close to. ]

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[ She has no idea. However, he's usually in a cheerful mood despite all the bad things he's faced in his life. It always help him to cope to knowing that he's doing what he can to keep the bad stuff from happening to others. ]

Find a distraction? Just deal with it? [ He rubs his eyes again. ]

It hurts a little less with each passing day though-it's hard to think about. I didn't understand-not really when they told me my parents died. But Ben-I thought I'd never get over it. But.. slowly... days passed and it did-it got... better. [ He swallows and offers a shrug. ]

The important thing is I just gotta keep going. There's nothing else I can do so that's what I do. I'll be okay, it just.. might take sometime.

[He didn't understand that his parents had died? How could he not understand? Dead was dead? She tilted her head as he spoke of his uncle, the thief who had also died. He had thought he would never get over it?

There's a burning ache in her chest that she thinks will never go away, no matter how much she ignores it. But it got better? She was glad to know that. She hated feeling like this. She could push it away every day, throw herself into activity. But this train provides a lot of thinking time and that's not a good thing.

So he keeps going, even when he is leaky eyed and talks too much and gets into trouble because he doesn't know how to be still or silent.

She likes him despite all of that, despite herself because she knows he is light addled and an idiot but he's fun to be around. Maybe it's not his fault if he came from a place where no one ever trained him properly.]

I can be helping. If you do be wanting. To be making it no be hurting as much... [Very tentatively, but she's been in the emptiness around enough people that it can't be considered a secret anymore. They don't know her world, they don't know that it's unusual for a child not brought up in the temple to know it. She's already spoken of Kant though and she can lie, claim it's a trick everyone knows.]

Helping? [ Makes a face. How could she help with that? Has she lost someone too? His heart aches a little at the fact. ]

It's why I became Spider-man, you know. So I can stop all the bad things from happening to others. Well, as much as I could.

[ He lets out a sigh, watching her closely. ]

So.. have you... lost someone like that? How do you uh.. handle it?

No. [She shakes her head dismissively before he gets any ideas.] I have no never been. But I do be knowing a trick.

[She steps closer and sits down in front of him cross legged, she can enter the emptiness from anywhere, she's good at it now. But when you first learn it was always better to do it through meditation.] Be sitting up and closing your eyes.

[It had been a long time since she had been taught. Since a day when she was hurting and angry and Kant had sat her down and taught her this trick. She had taught it before but she's not thinking about that at all. She had never taught it to a stranger though, Peter was a light addled hero but this was not a trick limited to the dark.

She had no idea how he fought without it.]

[ Peter sits up straight as she's asked. Is she about to try and have him meditate? It's not a bad idea, he'll admit that-it's a great way to keep anxiety down and a good trick for anger management but to process grief? He was pretty sure you were supposed to just... let it hurt for a little while. ]

Okay, sitting up.

[ He says as he switches his position so he's now sitting cross-legged as well. He doesn't have high hopes for this but he won't tell her that-there's no reason not to indulge her. He takes in a deep breath and closes his eyes. ]

[Good. At least he was trying. She watched him as he sat crossed legged as well and closed his eyes.]

Now. Be imagining a storm in your head. The biggest storm you did ever be seeing with all the thunder and lightning and sand and rain. Be seeing it in your head and be concentrating on it.

[She hopes his world has storms. Otherwise this is going to be tricky. She will hope so though, it can't be all that different not even in his world with so many lights they drown out the stars.]

[ A storm? Peter's expression shifts to one of confusion though he keeps his eyes closed. This is going in the exact opposite direction of what he'd expected. Wasn't meditation all about find your happy place? Imagine a clear, calm beach? ]

[ Oh well, it's her trick. He allows himself to think of torrential rainfall-hurricane level and lightening and thunder and everything one might expect from a storm. ]

[She gave him a moment, for him to visualise it properly and then continued talking.] Now be taking the things that do be making you leaky eyed and be throwing them into the storm. All the things that do be making you sad, that do be hurting you or making you scared. Be taking them and giving them to the storm.

[ His storm is apparently happening on a beach late at night with a palm tree out in the distance being shredded by the wind. Take everything that hurts or that he's scared of and throw into to the storm? ]

[ How exactly can he throw bad feelings into a storm? It actually kind of makes sense though. There was a time in middle school when Flash hit him in the face with a dodgeball and it bled for hours-He imagines chunking a dodgeball out into the see and watching it get caught in the storm. He Imagines the burglar that shot his uncle and throws him out into the storm-although he feels a little weird about it. ]

I don't know about this Buttercup-I mean the burglar that shot Uncle Ben is one thing-but how do I-I mean Gwen just vanished and my parents died in a plane crash-or that's what I was told. I was five so that's just what I remember them saying.

And then there's like a whole section of stuff I just try to avoid thinking about altogether.

Edited 2019-08-08 03:12 (UTC)

[Oh. His uncle had been killed by a burglar, she had understood that wrong. A slight frown but she understands now. She had thought him too light addled to have been close to a thief.]

It do be being like they do be being hurts on your skin, be taking them off and throwing them in. You do no be needing to be looking at them, just be knowing they do be being there. If you can no be remembering the details then just be sending in the way it do be making you feel. If you do be feeling sad or angry or scared. Be putting it all in the storm.

[ He listens to how she describes it-like marks on his skin. Right. He's suddenly nearly overcome with the urge to take a shower and just scrub his skin until its raw. He gives his head a harsh shake. He's not thinking about that. Not now. ]

In to the storm. Okay.

[ He's still not sure how exactly this is going to make him feel any better but he can see how the idea behind it might work for some people. Gwen's missing-the anxiety and fear that he's lost her too-that goes into the storm. That's the thing that's bothering him the most right now so that's what he's going to focus on. ]

[ Maybe later, after he's gone to bed he'll try again and think about other things that bother him to throw into the storm. ]

Okay. [So far so good. He seems to be doing it right and throwing it all into the storm. But it gets harder.]

That did be being the easy bit. Now you do be having to do the other feelings, the happy and warm. You do be having to be putting them in too, with all the things you do be liking. It do all be going into the storm.

[Harder to let go of, but you couldn't do it just with the things that made you sad, she had tried.]

Wait, what?

[ Throw the negative emotions out, sure fine, he can do that but the good ones too? There's a word for that and it's not a good one. ]

You want me to dissociate? You know that's like an actual medical condition where I'm from-there's literally medications to stop you from doing that. I was on medication to not do that.

My therapist literally told me not to do the thing. I mean I only saw her for like four sessions because therapy is expensive but she did teach me a few coping techniques because she really did want to help.

You do be babbling Peter. [Half in the emptiness herself her voice was distant, but strict. He's not going to learn if he panics about the very concept of learning.

She doesn't understand what he means by dissociate but the emptiness is not a medical condition, it is a fighting mindset. He had medication to stop him entering it?

She's so confused, he's so confusing. Luckily most her annoyance is kept at bay.] I do no even be knowing what a therapist do be being but being in the emptiness do no be making you ill, it do be helping you be fighting and be reacting quicker. You do be needing to be breathing. Be closing your eyes and be trying.

[ Peter just watches her with concern-she's doing it right now and he's tempted to try and coach her back to earth-or back to the train. They're not on Earth. ]

Uh... no? Not really? Like I know the science behind this because before I got superpowers all I really ever did was read.

But yeah-it is. It's a medical condition-it's called a dissociative disorder. [ And he has to admit, calling it 'the emptiness' is probably pretty accurate. ] And yeah.. you're like.. empty when it happens-like you can't feel anything not the bad things but also not the good things and the good things are... well, good-they keep you sane.

And a therapist is kinda like a doctor-only you see them when you've been through something really bad or you have some kind of disorder-like dissociation.

I mean-I can kinda see why some people might think it helps with fighting-but the problem is you're not fully aware of everything around you-your body's on autopilot-right uh-like your body's steering itself without you really thinking about what you're doing.

What I'm trying to say is that it's actually really, really unhealthy. I did it a lot-like a lot back when I was uh... younger-and I still do sometimes-not nearly as bad but it depends on just how upset I am.

It do no be being like that at all. [Her most patient voice. Kant would be proud. Lights, Priesstess Elena would be proud.]

It do be making your senses be sharper so you can be hearing better and seeing better and fighting better. My body do no be being on autopilot, I can be thinking just like I do be being normally but there do no be being distractions.

[She's too far in the emptiness to roll her eyes but she does look at him, her features blank.] I do no be saying you do be lying, maybe there do be being an illness that do be sounding like this that you did be having when you did be being a baby but the emptiness do be being a fighting trick, no something you do be needing one of those therapists for.

Uh... my senses don't really need to be any sharper. I can hear your heartbeat from here. That's how I knew it was you when you came in.

[ He rubs his forehead. ]

When I got bit by that spider it weird things to my DNA-uh... genetic coding. So now, like... all my senses are super sensitive, if I focus hard enough I can actually hear what people in the dining car are talking about from here because my senses are-well I call it dialed up to eleven-well not right now. God it's absolutely miserable at an eleven but I'd say-more like a seven or an eight.

Plus, I have this like... sixth-sense that tells me when I'm in danger or something's approaching.

[He could? That was impressive. He already had super sensitive senses and the ability to tell if something was approaching. He didn't really need the awareness part of the emptiness.

But he really needed the rest of it.]

Even if you can already be hearing and seeing better it will be helping you to know be going leaky faced or talking really fast or being scared when your arm do be needing to be being sewn up.

[She shrugged.] But if you do be being scared you do no be needing to be learning it.

[She had only been trying to help.]

[ Peter just watches her for a moment, still very concerned about this method-'the emptiness' as she'd called it. Maybe he should tell Mr Stark about this? But what could he do? He's an engineer, not a therapist. ]

[ He sucks in a breath, trying decide exactly how to word this. ]

It's not that I don't appreciate you trying to help me-'cause I do. I really appreciate it-and you might be right-your thing does sound different than mine-but it also sounds dangerously close to dissociation. And the problem is, if I start doing it on purpose then I might start doing it by accident again-and I can't.

I can't tell you exactly what happened that made me start uh dissociating-but it was bad. Really bad and it-uh.. it's the reason I don't sleep very well and it happened when I was your age-well a year younger-but I've made progress since then. A lot of progress, I think. I mean I talk to people now-so that's something.

Anyways, I can't risk losing that progress. I'm-I'm trying to get better. I don't know that I ever will-but I'm trying.

[She drops the emptiness. It is exhausting to keep it up for a long time and it seems like Peter doesn't want to learn it and so there is no point being in it any longer.

He's scared he might get ill. Well. She guesses if he has this illness that might be a good point but she frowns as he continues. Something really bad happened when he was littler than her and he's still sad about it now? You could still be sad and scared about things for that long?

She has been hoping this ache in her chest will go away, if she just endures but his words make her worry. Then again she is well trained, brave and strong and he is... He is leaky faced and panicky and talks too much.]

You probably will no never be if it has been being so long already. [She shrugged.] You do be needing to be finding another way to no be being so leaky faced then. It do be being alright to be feeling scared and sad but you should no be showing it. Do no ever be showing people because then they can be using it to be hurting you more. I do no even be knowing how you do no already be knowing this.

Yeah... [ He admits, taking in a breath and feeling his eyes starting to sting again. ] You might be right. There are a lot of people that never fully recover so there's that to consider.

[ he sucks in a breath and rubs at his eyes with his index finger and thumb. ] But I have to keep trying. There's nothing else I can do so I just... gotta keep going.

[ But he's not gonna go into anymore about that-he can't without freaking out and she's too little to know about that kind of evil in the world. ]

Well, back home-as Spider-Man, I wear a mask. To hide my identity, yeah. But it's also to keep my enemies from seeing how scared I am. [ He admits. ] But you're not my enemy, you're my friend. So I'm okay with it-if you see me cry-I don't like it because I'm sixteen and you're eleven and then I feel like the baby-but I'm not gonna put on a brave face and pretend like everything's okay unless I absolutely have to-I wasn't brought up that way.

[She's still not sure that's how friends work. They haven't known each other very long at all and she's pretty sure it takes more to be friends. But she's not going to argue. As annoying as it is it is probably better is so open with her. It gives her an advantage.

But he admits her wears a mask to hide his fear. It sounds stupid but then she supposes the emptiness is sort of a mask.]

The voice did be saying that the mountain did be being a practice. So soon we will be going on a real mission and there will be enemies probably. We do be needing to be making you a mask.

[ He just laughs and nods at her statement. She's probably right-there's going to be enemies along the way-enemies a lot tougher than the bitey goats. ]

Yeah, probably. [ He sighs and then runs his hands through his hair. ] Man, I've done nothing but screw up since I got here. I mean, I screw up a lot back home but damn-uh-dang.

You have been. [She nodded, agreeing whole heartedly.] But you do be still breathing and Kant do be saying that as long as you do keeping trying, keeping fighting until you do be breathing your last then it do no be being that big of a failure. The real failure do be giving up.

[She doesn't even know why she is giving him advice. But he's just so... Terrible at everything that she can't help but try and pass on what she knows and help him to be better.]

Yeah. [ Peter can't help but agree with that one. ] Just keep going and keep trying-that's about all you can do sometimes. Unfortunately for me, screwing up just seems to be part of being a teenager.

[ Then again, he also has Parkerluck so it's even worse for him. He shakes the thought out of his head. ]

My uncle used to always tell me that with great power comes great responsibility-if you can do something to help others then you have a moral obligation to do those things. [ He sighs. ]

I didn't really understand what he meant until later though.

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