Video | Llama 29

[firewalled]

Yo! Needed you all to know something important, so listen up, train!

[Rich is standing in front of the monitor in the music room, hands on his hips, looking very stern and serious... but then he smirks.]

Have you ever gotten ads online promising hot bisexual singles in your area?

[...Is he actually shooting fingerguns?]

It's me. I'm the hot bisexual single in your area. Just thought you all needed to know I am currently on the market.

Please field all date inquiries to my mailbox. Or my sleeper car, whatever. I'm rooming with Alice, but we are not an item.

[She would pretty much laugh in his face if he even implied they were.]

Comments

[agoodsoul]

Oh yeah? What kinda music?

[Sounds like Rich has been keeping himself busy. Dennis feels like he could do with doing some more cooking too, though the kind of cooking he likes tends to ruin girlish figures, which he's trying to keep!]

... yeah, feel kinda weird thinking that almost prefer here to home. Even with the crazy shit.

[firewalled]

I play a lot of rock, mainly. Sort of punk, too, but I'm probably no where near the greats. I should maybe think about doing a concert again...

[He gives a wry smile at Dennis' comment.]

Yeah? What's home like, if you don't mind me asking? I probably wouldn't miss it as much if I didn't have shit I had to get done over there.

[agoodsoul]

No one starts off great, mate. Don't sell yourself short.

[All the greats started from the bottom, maybe some got to the top faster than others, but no one was amazing from the get go. As for home... Dennis sighs, shrugging.]

Shite. Just felt like I was always trying to run up the longest set of stairs, yeah? Then just something would knock me down, trip me up. Just trying to do better, be better than what people thought of me.

[Didn't matter though, didn't change the way most people saw him. He came from a poor shitty background so clearly he was a waste of time.]

Not saying I didn't do nothing wrong, cause I fucked up plenty on me own, but... [A little shake of his head.] Don't think I'd miss it if I never went back. Miss me mum, but... y'know.

[firewalled]

I guess not. I've been playing since I was little, but I didn't play for a while there, so I guess that explains why I haven't really gotten anywhere yet. At least some people like listening?

[And if that makes them happy, that's all Rich can really ask for. He wishes he could come up with some way to help Dennis out, but instead all he can do is wince softly at the explanation.]

That... yeah, that's usually how it is, right? You just keep trying to claw your way up from the bottom, but one wrong step, and it feels like you're right back down at the worst that you ever were.

[He sighs softly.]

I kind of wish we had a choice. Like, if I could just go back and properly apologize to everyone, I wouldn't mind having to stay here either. I just... wanna tie up the loose ends first.

[agoodsoul]

Hey, you already got an audience, that's something. I'd like to listen sometime too.

[A little music was good for the soul after all!]

Yeah... guess we both know how that works. Just crazy how I've not had any problems like that here in a place with people from all over. Sure something will come up eventually, but just don't feel like it'll ever be as bad as back home.

[There will always be someone here that will support him and be his friend, that much he feels certain about. That's not something he could feel at all confident about back home.]

Would be nice... you'd think they'd be able to do something like that?

[firewalled]

Yeah! Honestly, let me know whenever you're feeling it. I can set up a little impromptu concert or something.

[He is glad it helps people besides himself feel better, so he'll keep it up so long as that's the case.

And Rich does want to help Dennis, since it sounds like they unfortunately have a lot in common. He frowns softly.]

It can be hard to remember that people here have dealt with worse, and have given forgiveness for shit we can't even imagine. I keep trying to apologize, but every time, it seems like there's nothing to apologize for. Guess that's what people said back home too, but... it's easier to believe here.

[Not that Rich is able to accept that.]

I don't know... have a feeling that river was the best they could give us. It feels awful, though, just not knowing if they got the messages, or if they even wanted to read 'em.

[agoodsoul]

You got it.

[Young men with shitty troubled lives and pasts? Probably something that plagues a majority of people here on the train, but that doesn't take away from their pain at all. Just too bad that so many have had to experience such things.]

Forgiveness is... weird. [For a long time he'd tried to do everything he could to make up for something he'd done, apologized and even attempted to sacrifice himself to make things right. In the end he'd just found out everyone around him was just as fucked up in their own way. That maybe forgiveness wasn't what he should strive for, just continue to be a good person.]

We could destroy ourselves trying to get it, but wonder if it's really worth it.

[Like yes, trying to fix whatever wrongs they'd done is good! Expecting forgiveness for it is another thing.]

I hope they read them, it seemed really important to you.

[firewalled]

[Sure, maybe that is something a lot of the train knows about, but in Rich's experience, his issues have felt remarkably normal in comparison to those of the people around him. That's what makes it nearly a relief to talk to someone who lived a common, if shitty life. At least they can commiserate about their lost mothers without one of them having lost her in a galactic war.

And they can talk about the bad things they've done, without feeling minuscule and meaningless next to the crimes of a soldier in a magical hellscape. Though that does mean it makes Dennis' advice harder to ignore. Rich huffs out a slow sigh.]

Sometimes it takes every bit of energy I have to stop myself from just... running away and starting over. Going somewhere where I can't destroy everyone's expectations. And then of course, the train traps me here, so I have no choice but to try. But... trying means leaving those people back home behind.