voidtreckernet | Video; Llama 13

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Video; Llama 13

[Since Allen came out of the luggage carried he had a good number of questions some of which have at least been answered by looking around. Knowing certain truths that he is willing to keep to himself and pretend that everything is awesome while in reality, he wasn't doing so great because of it.

But for the time being, he decided to at least play the game of catch up for other things.]

So... I don't know how long I've been gone for so... Is there anyone who is okay with telling me what has been going on? I assume I missed the mission since I see mentions of it, but considering I wasn't here... I don't actually know what is going on.

[He pauses, he wanted to pretend everything was okay on his end even with the lack of knowing what day it was or what was going on, but he figured he would at least ask.]

I do have another question. Not as important, but for those of you who've ever... How do I put it... [Words on this subject were not his area of expertise.] Developed romantic feelings for someone who then leaves. How do you manage that?

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I don't expect help from anyone.

[ He already says he knows he shouldn't apologize, so she's leaving any scolding for that out of this. He's already well aware, so it's not like it'll help any to still tell Allen that.

But she can at least make this clear. No one has to apologize for not helping her when it's actually a surprise when someone does go out of her way to help her. ]

If anything, it was more convenient that you weren't around. At least it means you didn't get caught up in any terrible illusion yourself.

I am well aware, you can handle yourself just fine, but still if you ever do need help, I hope you will call on me as a friend.

[He at least is giving her the option. But soon at the mention of at least not being caught up in an illusion himself he found himself laughing, but not just a normal laugh. It came across as awkward.]

Yeah. At least in that world. I have dealt with something similar to an illusion before. So yes I am glad I didn't get caught up in it because it means no one had to deal with anything related to me.

[Timcampy lowered their wings as it showing sadness as he said that. But being on top of Alices head it would be hard to notice.]

[ Unfortunately she indeed doesn't notice anything about Timcampy - he's well outside of her field of sight, after all.

And the words Allen is saying aren't too surprising either. He's always like that, right? Wanting to protect people from the dangerous things about himself, about his world. It's not hard to notice. ]

Everyone had to deal with everyone's problems.

[ In other words, though she's not saying it with as many words: his own problems wouldn't have stood out in the mess, so he doesn't have to worry about that part. ]

Besides, since that thing escaped, it means it's very likely to happen again. It's important that we start building up some sort of resilience against this kind of thing.

Resilence, like to be immune to it or at least be able to tell the difference between illusion and not.

[Allen had his moments of understanding. It also seemed the most logical anyway for what it could mean. But it would make sense to also try and do something like that anyway especially if it might become more of a regular thing.]

I am sure there is a way to do that, but right now there is nothing.

[ Alice pauses.

She doesn't know why. Maybe it's because she's reminded of everything that happened, or maybe it's because it's Allen she's talking to - and she trusts him with her secrets.

So she sucks in a deep breath, before releasing it again and speaking up. ]

I can practice all the time. [ Her gaze is trained on him. ] I-- see things. All the time. Things that are not actually there. Even when it is not being induced by some.. some horrible entity.

You always see things that aren't there? I didn't know that.

[So it does technically make it easier for her, he guessed but at the same time that is not exactly something pleasant either, so see things at random times.]

I guess as horrible as it is, that's an advantage. So is it something that happens randomly? Or is it literally all the time?

Randomly. It happens more often at some times than other times.

[ After all, mental health is unpredictable like that. Alice can never know for sure when she's going to have an easy period of when it's going to go crazy. ]

It makes it really hard to discern what is real and what isn't all the time, since I have no idea when I am merely seeing things. [ It's not like there's any warning signs. ]

But to others would it be more obvious? And if so is it a case of just leaving you alone, or can we do something?

[he honestly wasn't sure, but he wanted to at least know if he was ever there when it happened.]

[ She shrugs. ]

Usually the things I see nowadays are just extra, rather than actively warping my surroundings. [ That's the one good thing about already having conquered her mind as much as she has so far. She can only imagine how annoying her train stay would have been if she constantly imagined it to be some sort of other place. ]

So it's not as if it would be a problem if you were to interact with me at any given time. Nothing can be done about it, but it usually isn't exactly dangerous. Just annoying at best.

[Allen considering learning this to be two things. 1) Learning more about a friend he cared about and 2) Learning something new completely. It was never something he would have ever thought to hear, but considering other worlds, he wasn't surprised either.

But one thing did surprise him though...]

Wait...nowadays are just extra rather than warping your surrounding? Do you mean to say it use to do that?

Oh, all the time.

[ She doesn't feel nearly as casual about that part as she may be trying to present it right now. Alice remembers the sheer panic she used to feel, the confusion at the line between reality and fantasy that was constantly being blurred. ]

Sometimes I started seeing people differently, as if they were monsters even when they were just regular humans trying to talk to me. Or my surroundings suddenly became disgusting and bloody.. [ Her voice trails off, and she shakes her head. ] It wasn't easy to deal with, but it's not as if there was any doctor who could provide actual help.

I guess not.

[Not that he knew if doctors could help deal with that either. medical stuff was a whole different thing for him. But soon Allen had made himself his own team to drink while Timcampy still sitting on Alice's head patted her with one wing. Maybe it was there way of being comforting.]

But at least it's at a good spot currently. But it still sounds like an awful thing to experience and I'm sorry it's a thing for you.

[ At least she can feel that, coming from Timcampy. She reaches up to gently pluck the thing off her head and instead put Timcampy on her lap, so she can gently pat him in return. ]

It's fine. I am quite used to it by now. [ It's been a thing ever since she was little, after all.. ] I suppose that at this point it is just a part of who I am. I might feel odd if I didn't see things anymore.

[Timcampy is not at all used to being the one patted. What is this? It's nice, so the golem isn't complaining or moving. It's content, but confused.]

So you are so used to the thing that it would be odd to be without it. I've never heard someone say something like that before. I mean I guess people do accept parts of themselves like I accept my differences as they make me who I am. The same applies here to?

.. Right. [ She says, after a slight moment of thought.

Her gaze turns towards Timcampy as she keeps petting the good, good little golem, but Alice does also keep speaking. ]

After all, you're not quite normal either, right, Allen? [ Then again, are any of them here on the train? ] Maybe neither of us could even imagine what it is like. Living a "normal" life.

I would have never considered myself normal by any means.

[Considering his life and everything... yeah not a normal life.]

Though I'm not even sure if my life could have been normal before I was ten. Who knows there. [But he soon grins and gives a small shrug.]

But I think normal is not as fun. [Trying to be jokey at least.]

[ Alice huffs. ]

I don't know. I think my life might be a whole lot easier if you had been normal.

[ Sssh, she's just joking too, okay. Even if she constantly has to drag Allen into not endangering himself too much, it's just part of who he is. ]

[He laughed slightly.]

Would be less fun though, right?

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Video; Llama 13

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cw: talk of mental health

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