Llama 11, Evening, Video

[fivemilesdeep]

[It's been a few hours since everyone has returned from the mission. Ryo looks tired - but gods, who isn't by this point? - but he's still here.]

I'm in the dining car. I have coffee and tea and hot chocolate - the good kind. I also have something that'll knock you out until tomorrow, if you want that. If anyone wants anything, you're welcome to come pick it up.

You don't have to stay and talk, but...if you want to, I'm here. I can also help you if you're hurt or still coughing from the smog on the mission.

Just...don't feel like you have to handle this alone. Even if it's not me, there's always someone willing to help. You just need to ask.

[[OOC: I'm good with action tags, handwaving, multiple people in a thread, w/e - go for it!]]

Comments

[fivemilesdeep]

[It was him. Because he's terrified of himself. Because he's terrified of losing people- no, of killing the people he loves himself.]

[He still blames himself for Reiji's death, doesn't he.]

[It takes a few moments for Ryo to realize that Otoha is crying...but honestly, if anyone is going to recognize silent crying, it would be Ryo. He's done it enough himself. All he can do now is hold Otoha and help him weather the storm.]

I'm sorry.

[bakegarasu]

[He sniffs and nods, holding on tightly before finally releasing Ryo and wiping at his face.]

When I saw the things... that were in his - in my hospital room, covered in blood... I lost it. I almost... I almost went for my sword.

[And what does it mean, that he was so ready to hurt a version of himself? He doesn't know. Even as large as Otoha is he feels tiny right now, a lost little boy crying and trembling slightly in fear.]

[fivemilesdeep]

[Ryo grabs a napkin from the table and gently starts wiping Otoha's face. He couldn't help Otoha during the illusions, but he can at least help him here.]

You know it wasn't real. You know it was just trying to hurt you. It's just...it can be hard to remember that.

[He doesn't have the right words for this - he doesn't know what to say to someone whose biggest fear is themself - but he's trying.]

[bakegarasu]

[He doesn't move away from the fussing, just taking a deep breath.]

I know. I just... it's... it's a lot easier to kill then to deal with emotions. To pretend that I can't... feel shit at all. ... But it's not going to make me happier, is it?

[fivemilesdeep]

[Fussing is a love language, Otoha. Let him help.]

It won't, but...it's good that you know that. That you're not taking the easy route because you know it won't help.

[It's an emotional intelligence he either hadn't had or just hadn't displayed before. It's growth.]

I'm proud of you.

[bakegarasu]

[He looks up at Ryo, shock written all over his face. 'I'm proud of you.' There's some emotion welling up in his chest that he doesn't understand - it's not sadness and it's not happiness, but it's something else he can't really name.]

[... No. No, there's a name for it. Longing.]

I... no one's ever...

[No one's ever been proud of him. Impressed, maybe. In fearful awe, plenty of times. Not proud.]

[fivemilesdeep]

[He pauses when Otoha looks up at him, a bit taken aback. He knows he's not at his best right now - had he said something wrong?]

[And then Otoha speaks, and it clicks into place. Positive affirmation is a hell of an experience when you're not used to it, and he smiles, just a bit.]

Well, let me be the first, then. You're not the same person you were when you arrived - you've been working on yourself as a person. It's difficult, and it's painful, and you're doing it anyway, because you know it'll be better for you in the end.

So yes, I'm proud of you.

[bakegarasu]

... Thank you.

[It's hard. His voice feels small and so does he, taking some deep breaths and trying not to cry again.]

... Sorry, I just...

[He wipes his eyes again, trying to keep himself calm.]

[fivemilesdeep]

[He puts the napkin back on the table and wraps his arms around Otoha, resting Otoha's head on his shoulder.]

It's okay. You can let it out.

[He's said it already tonight, but he'll keep saying it until it sinks in. Otoha is safe with him, and he wants to make sure Otoha knows it.]

[bakegarasu]

No, I... I'm okay.

[He pulls back slightly and brushes hair out of his face. Ugh.]

It's... it's just strange for me. To be cared for. It's getting more normal, but still...

[fivemilesdeep]

[He lets Otoha pull back and settle himself.]

But it's still weird when you're not used to it, and getting used to it takes a while.

[bakegarasu]

[He just nods and ruffles Ryo's hair a little, fondly.]

... You're an amazing brother. I'm... lucky to have you. ... Your... your twin brother's lucky to have you, too. You care a lot about him...

[He doesn't want to bring it up, but they're just going to end up hurting if he doesn't, right?]

[fivemilesdeep]

[He's not surprised Ryoga has come up, and he knows Otoha doesn't mean to hurt him, but...well, there's nothing for it, is there.]

I do. I...I'll find him eventually. Just...not here.

[He tries to smile, but it just comes out sad. He can't think of what else to say - he doesn't really want to keep talking about this - and what he has comes out light but still tinged by that same sadness.]

...and now I want a hug.

[Nevermind that he'd just hugged Otoha twice; he wants one for him. It's different.]

[bakegarasu]

[It's very different. Otoha considers him for a moment before picking him up and putting him on his lap, hugging him tightly. He's got you, Ryo.]

I know. You'll find him. I'm sure... if we can, there's people who can help you look for him.

[He would, but... he has to be home.]

[fivemilesdeep]

[Otoha pulling him onto his lap is unexpected but welcome, and Ryo hugs him back, just about clinging to him.]

I know. He's somewhere on Tera - I just...can't worry about it now. He'll be okay until I can get home.

[Ryoga was always the stronger one anyway.]

[bakegarasu]

[He leans his head against the other's shoulder.]

And you'll be okay, too. You're taking care of a lot of people... but you need to take care of yourself.