jelly 23, Video

[bakegarasu]

[Otoha looks flat-out exhausted when he hops onto the network.]

The creepy empty-eyed kid who barely spoke was me. Yes, there's reasons for why. People who know me probably can guess.

For everyone else, I'm... sorry.

[Ugh, that feels weird in his mouth.]

If you wanna yell at me for being freaky I'm in the greenhouse for a while.

Comments

[firewalled]

Then the city will have to find someone else. You... need to go somewhere else, especially to get away from the place where you had to kill him.

[Rich isn't going to blame him for a second for having to kill to get away. God knows he had nightmares about near misses with his dad. If he had done the same... it was self-defence, wasn't it? Even if it makes Rich feel queasy, it's self-defence.]

[bakegarasu]

... Rich. You’re acting like I feel bad for killing him. I don’t.

[He locks eyes with Rich, trying to get him to see that he’s being totally honest.]

As messed up as he made me, I only cared about following his orders and protecting him because that was my role in the organization. He never loved me snd I never loved him. I’m glad that he’s dead.

[firewalled]

...There isn't like a part of you that feels confused about it? Like... I mean, I hate my dad too, he's an awful, fucked up human being...

But he was still part of my life. And it's traumatizing to have to take that part of you out.

[Maybe Otoha is used to killing, so it's easier for him, but for Rich, the possibility of taking out a life that's supposed to be important, and dealing with the fact that you had to for your own safety... it's harrowing for him. He wishes his dad was dead, and also wishes he could somehow get better.]

[bakegarasu]

No. Not really. I don't know why I should feel bad about a man who told me at least once a month that I should have died as a newborn?

[He knows most people would feel bad, but there was no love whatsoever between them.]

[firewalled]

...Fuck, man. That's awful. But... what I'm talking about is feeling bad for yourself, for having to take a monster like that out of the picture. Parants are supposed to take care of their children, and knowing you can never have that because he's dead, and because you took him out...

[Rich sighs and runs a hand through his hair.] I don't know. I think I'd be pretty upset about it all.

[bakegarasu]

No. I don't feel bad for myself. He became my target the instant he shot Reiji. ... I don't feel bad about taking out a target.

I was never going to have him care about me when he was alive, either. Even for half a dad he still did less than half a job.

[firewalled]

...God, Otoha. That's... awful. I'm so sorry he did that to someone so important. I'm sorry he never bothered to care. It's just... you have to know that you didn't deserve it.

[And that's what Rich is trying to get at. Being expected to take down the person who was supposed to raise you... Forced to grow up too fast, to maybe even become less than human... sure, wallowing in self-pity doesn't help, but Rich would at least understand that was fucked up to go through.]

cw: explicit discussion of incest

[bakegarasu]

[Does he know? He's not sure. He's still conflicted. He knows that yes, probably he didn't. On the other hand he's a monster by birth and by actions.]

[At the idea of treating anyone 'important' with respect, he can't help it. He chuckles, shaking his head.]

If he cared about how he treated 'important' people he wouldn't have had sex with his own mother and called her a worthless whore when she did giving birth.

[firewalled]

[Rich is pretty sure the fact that Otoha has adopted him makes him the furthest thing from a monster. If he was a monster, he wouldn't care so much for other people, and want to protect his city.

He's just been... in a lot of messed up situations. That much is very apparent from what Otoha says next, causing Rich to inhale sharply.]

Yeah... I mean, it's obvious that he's a monster. It's just that how he treated people doesn't determine your worth, or anyone's worth.

...I'm sorry if I'm not making sense or arguing too much. I just... I worry about you.

[bakegarasu]

... I know you do. I... worry about you, too. You're important to me.

[He's just not sure what to say. He's not sure how to make him understand.]

[firewalled]

[Rich is at a loss for words too, so instead of bothering, he just... leans in to squeeze him tight again, pressing his head into Otoha's shoulder.]

Sorry. I'm sorry...

[He just wants Otoha to take care of himself...]

[bakegarasu]

... It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong.

[He wraps his arms around Rich tightly, firmly.]

I'll keep you safe. You have any problems, you can run to me. If you need to talk, you can run to me - I'll listen, even if I don't completely understand. If you have a nightmare, you can run to me. I've got you, all right?

[firewalled]

...Okay, I... okay.

[He takes a few slow breaths, but then looks up at Otoha with a slightly desperate frown.]

As long as you promise you'll do the same if you're in trouble, okay? I know I don't look it, but I really can handle it. I want to help you. I just... want you to know you aren't alone.

[bakegarasu]

... I can only promise to try.

[That's the best he can offer. None of this is natural for him, all of this is new... it's going to take a while.]

[firewalled]

...I think that's probably all I can ask for. Thank you, though. I'm glad we can talk...

[If Rich is just patient (which admittedly, isn't one of his strong suits), he might be able to get Otoha to take care of himself a little better.]

[bakegarasu]

Of course. ... You're my brother, after all.

[firewalled]

...Big sap.

[Rich mutters, and falls silent as he leans against Otoha, just quietly watching the plants around them.]

[bakegarasu]

Yeah. Don't tell anyone, you'll ruin my reputation.

[He turns Rich so the boy's back is against his chest, just draping his arms over his shoulders and taking in the moment.]