voidtreckernet | jelly 23, Video

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jelly 23, Video

[Otoha looks flat-out exhausted when he hops onto the network.]

The creepy empty-eyed kid who barely spoke was me. Yes, there's reasons for why. People who know me probably can guess.

For everyone else, I'm... sorry.

[Ugh, that feels weird in his mouth.]

If you wanna yell at me for being freaky I'm in the greenhouse for a while.

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"Yeah, I know they were shitty people who should've never had a kid." He laughs weakly and stares at the ground. "I wasn't wanted. They said - well he said, I never knew... her... he said that he should have flushed me down the toilet the day I was born, that I should have died with that whore. Whoever she was."

He'd grown numb to it. That doesn't mean it's okay, but he's numb enough to it to repeat it.

Kinda like how Soldat can pretty easily talk about a lot of what they went through. It was just normal, at the time, even though they're used to people reacting badly to it. (Maybe don't do that, here. Yeah, I know, Sarge.)

"Wow, what an asshole." They say it with carefully crafted understatement, voice dry as a bone, both to diffuse potential upset on Otoha's part, and to show they aren't going to make a fuss, themselves. Even if it's pretty awful. And also probably a lie, just meant to keep Otoha down-- if he really wasn't wanted, he'd have been killed or exiled, not kept as another mouth to feed. "Well, you're wanted here."

He takes a deep breath, then another. He pushes his hands through his hair, trying to pull himself together.

"... Thanks. It's... hard to understand why, sometimes. But it's still nice to hear."

"Yeah, I know. I didn't get it for a long time, either. When Misty told me she loved me. I didn't even. I had no frame of reference." They fold their arms across their upraised knees, drop their chin onto them. God, they miss her. "I told her I didn't know if I loved her back. If I even could. I figured it out, eventually, and of course I could, and did. But it took a while."

"... What kind of love?" He's aware there are... multiple kinds.

They glance over, looking vaguely amused. It's a valid question, they suppose. "Not the kissing kind. I don't really want that. But I admit that's really all I can say for sure."

"Okay. I'm just... hm." He shakes his head and looks at them. "... Do you wish she was here?"

"More than anything." They look back across the greenhouse car. "When I first woke up in Beacon. I was lost. I didn't know how to be without orders. So. I made myself handlers. She was one of them for... I don't now, six months, maybe. Up until I realized she wasn't, anymore, she was something else. She never really wanted the title or the role, but she still was careful and kind, and helped me in the ways I needed."

“... Can’t replace her, and I don’t want to. But I’m here if you need me. Uh. Any of you need me?” He’s not sure anymore. “... I’m a fuckup in my own way, but I promised to protect you.”

How to put this... “I’m a protector of my city and the people in it. As far as I’m concerned, you’re part of my city.”

Otoha gets a small, sweet little smile. "Thanks." (Good kid. Team. Aw, Asset learned a new word.) "We're on the same team. Watch each other's backs."

Then, because they can, they add, "And I don't think you're a fuck-up. No insulting yourself when I'm around, got it?"

"... I'll try." It's... hard. To shake that kind of conditioning. Even when he won and saved the city, there was still so much destruction.

He sighs deeply and stretches a little bit. "... Were you headed somewhere, or did you just come here to find me?"

Trying is all they can ask. "I came here specifically for you," they say with a lop-sided smile. "To defend you against anyone who might think to yell at you. For the kid thing. Not that I think anyone will."

"That's... nice of you." He brushes his hair out of his face and tilts his head a little at Soldat. "... You hungry?"

"Otoha. I am always hungry. It's a thing." But they look kind of wry when they say it, self-deprecating rather than offended. "You offering to go get food with me?"

"... Yes, Soldat, I am offering to go get food with you. If you haven't noticed, I'm bad at this talking thing." His tone is flat, but he can't help but break 'character' by smiling slightly.

"It could've been an attempt to distract me!" they protest, but lightly and with a smile, and push back up to their feet. They offer Otoha a hand up, too. "Come on. Let's see if there's any chocolate in the storage car. That always makes me feel better."

He snickers and also gets up. “I can make a few things now. Taste test for me? Rich is too nice sometimes...”

Soldat laughs a little and says, "I will try not to be too nice."

To the kitchen it is!

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jelly 23, Video

cw: severe verbal/emotional child abuse

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I think we can end here!

and wrap!