jelly 23, Video

[bakegarasu]

[Otoha looks flat-out exhausted when he hops onto the network.]

The creepy empty-eyed kid who barely spoke was me. Yes, there's reasons for why. People who know me probably can guess.

For everyone else, I'm... sorry.

[Ugh, that feels weird in his mouth.]

If you wanna yell at me for being freaky I'm in the greenhouse for a while.

Comments

Also Greenhouse Car

[kabano]

She doesn't bother responding to the video, she wouldn't know how to anyway. Regardless, this isn't the sort of conversation that should be had in any manner other than face-to-face. So she enters the car silently at first, with only the bell on her collar to give her away. She sits rather politely at Otoha's feet for a moment and looks up at him, curious, but unsure where to start. She has questions she'd never thought to ask before, but where does someone like her even begin with them?

Eventually she settles for a soft mew at first, just so he knows she's there. He's not alone.

[bakegarasu]

He hears the bell and waits for her to sit in front of him. He pats her gently on the head before drawing his hand back. "... I'm sure that was weird for you to feel. You okay?"

[kabano]

Yes, it was weird for her to feel, but she'll live. He probably will to, but he's also more likely to have strong feelings about it. She leans into his hand first, then changes back to her normal form, still seated and looking up at him.

"Are you?"

[bakegarasu]

He takes in a deep breath. "... Well. That wasn't a period of my life I wanted anyone to see. ... Physically, I'm fine. Otherwise... I'm not sure."

[kabano]

She is not good at this and she knows it. How exactly is she supposed to comfort someone when she's not a person and never had been? She's half tempted to flee and find one of his other friends to take care of this, but she stays put, thinking for a moment in silence before she speaks again.

"Tell me."

cw: physical/mental/emotional abuse

[bakegarasu]

"... Well." How to even begin? Will she even understand abuse? He's not sure. He has to try.

"... Growing up, I was treated as a weapon. A freak, a monster without pain or fear. I started being trained in weapons way younger than I should have. I was always told to shut up and stay in the corner, out of the way. They threw things at me for fun, put out cigarettes on my arms because they thought it was funny. I never got treated like a person."

He pulls his sleeve back and looks at his scarred arm. "I didn't get compassion. I didn't get touch. Hell, I'd never even had a hug before I got to the train and Ryo latched onto me like... like Reiji did."

His voice goes faint for a moment, but he continues. "... No one cared about me. I was told I shouldn't care about anyone else. So I shoved all of those feelings into a mental box. The only place I ever talked was school, and even then only when I was forced to. They wanted me to be nothing, just something that followed orders. ... So that's what I became, for them."

[kabano]

She listens--it's all she can do at first. She'd known parts of the story, but never all of it. She's quiet and unmoving through the entire thing, giving him her undivided attention while he speaks. Even after he finishes, it's a few more moments of silence before she has anything to say. Most of what she can think of is more "too little too late" than anything even resembling helpful.

"Otoha. Why did I choose you?"

[bakegarasu]

... That isn't a question he expected, and he blinks in confusion for a second before thinking about it.

"... Because I can follow orders. Because I know how to fight. Because I have a lot to make up for. ... Because I understand sorrow." That other Karas... he'd never gotten her name, but her words still stuck with him.

[kabano]

"Because you know the depth of human suffering and fight to change it. Because you know how the world must change and possess the desire to change it. Because you care--about both of our worlds and the people in them. Because you survived monsters and became more than they were."

Anyone could be taught to follow orders or how to fight. Once they were in that armor they were all but invincible anyway. But the conviction in her voice and her expression is wholly genuine. Whether or not he believes her is up to him.

"You were never nothing."

[bakegarasu]

He looks down at her and hesitates before putting a hand on her shoulder. "... I... that's true. I... don't want people to suffer like I have. ... I felt like I was nothing for a long time. But now I can do something good with my life."

However long that ends up being. He doesn't have to worry about running out of time anymore.

"... The whole time I was alive, I never really lived. I want to live now. With you, with the yokai, with the humans, with the people on this train. All of them are important."

[kabano]

"That is why." Then she stands, looking directly into his eyes for half a moment, then takes half a step closer. She doesn't quite touch him, but she stands there for a while, hoping he can at least feel some comfort from her. She's not exactly the type to offer physical contact.

"I still need you, my Karas."

[bakegarasu]

"... Thanks." He reaches out and squeezes her hand gently before letting it go. "... You saved me. Twice. I never really got to thank you for that. So... thank you. For saving my life. For seeing something worth saving."

[kabano]

"I will always come for you." That's just the truth. She needed him as much as he needed her. But beyond that, she does like him, even if she's not that great at showing it.

[bakegarasu]

"And I'll always come running for you. Not because of our contract. Just... if you need." It's... nice. She has his back and he has hers. Together, there' an amazing team.

"... Aside from yesterday, are things going all right for you?" Individually, he means.

[kabano]

She nods once, and looks at him, confused by the question. Of course she's alright, but...well, it's difficult being separated from her city. That's just becoming her new baseline now.

"Should I not be?"

[bakegarasu]

"I don't know. It seems like it might have been stressful with all of the kids running around." Then again. "You're probably used to sensing a bunch of kids running around though, aren't you?"

[kabano]

"There are always children." They aren't always in good situations--he would know that--but she simply can't save all of them. "I'm...not used to interacting with them."

[bakegarasu]

"... No, you wouldn't be, would you" Huh. ... I mean usually kids like fuzzy animals, so you can always lean on that." He smiles a little bit at her. "But... yeah. They can be... hard to deal with sometimes. Especially if you don't really know how."

[kabano]

"Some more than others." It's not meant to be a dig at him, but it is the truth. She had avoided interacting with most of the children after she'd found him.

[bakegarasu]

"... Yeah. I can see why I would make you immediately exhausted with kids." He would get tired of kids after dealing with him, too.

[kabano]

"Most of them weren't like you." Him she could deal with, even if he refused to speak to her. Or at least she could understand him better than other children. Maybe she was too old.

[bakegarasu]

That's true, there's something about their companionable silence that just... fits. "... I'd hope not. Hopefully a lot of people just had... fun days."