Bassoon, Day 29. Video.

[dredefulchilde]

[Joss doesn't look like he's been getting very much sleep--his roommates can probably attest to that, given the nightmares he's been having.]

It's been four days but the 'void particles' or whatever nonsense they've been spouting lately still don't seem to have dissipated.

[He turns away from the camera, ashamed, and mumbles:]

I can still hear them.

[This is as close to asking for help as Joss usually gets.]

Comments

[hashtagparkerluck]

Yeah, they're driving my senses nuts. I keep thinking I'm under attack and then, nah. Nothing.

[dredefulchilde]

It's almost as if it's all I can hear, sometimes. The singing is deafening.

[hashtagparkerluck]

Whoa, wait. What do you mean it's like all you can hear? Like you're having an episode-like uh.. like zoning out really bad?

[dredefulchilde]

Yes. I feel like I’m going mad.

[knifewithnoname]

It do be being stupid. It do be being stupid loud and do be making me feel thing I should no be feeling. [Namely fear. But if she doesn't say it then it won't be true. She shouldn't be afraid. She's not scared of anything. There's nothing to be scared of, it's just stupid void particles. Whatever they are.]

[runs_on_batteries]

Where are you kid?

[He was on his way wherever Joss says. There were some things to talk about over the ICP and this seemed like something face to face- mostly because it looked like someone might need a dad hug.]

[hashtagparkerluck]

You-You're not going mad-which, I'm not actually sure if it helps or not for me to say that but uh...like what-what does the singing sound like, exactly? Like can you remember the words?

video

[pleple]

I don't like the feeling either.

[ And for Ple Two, it's mostly in her psyche. She's not used to defending that, not enough. ]

...I wonder if it's... a warning.

[azrthmtrnznthos]

[Raven has kept her cowl up, and debated with herself. It wasn't as if she hadn't offered already, over video, to everyone. Yes, it didn't mean everyone had seen it, but she had tried.]

Let me start, by saying I value privacy and consent. I'm an Empath, where I can feel others emotions, and also project emotions to someone. I don't pry or look for other's emotions without permission or emergency.

...I can try and help, if you want.

[dredefulchilde]

I thank you for your offer, but I must decline. I've spent centuries trying to undo the damage from the last time someone had control of my psyche.

[dredefulchilde]

My room.

[dredefulchilde]

They're not in any language I can pick out, and I happen to be fluent in several.

[dredefulchilde]

It is, yes. Very stupid.

[dredefulchilde]

A warning of what? We're already prisoners on this godforsaken space train.

[runs_on_batteries]

I’ll be right there.

[Tony drops whatever he was working on and hurried to the boy’s room. After knocking and being let in, he gives Joss a sympathetic frown.]

What’s going on, kid?

[dredefulchilde]

[Joss still looks even paler than normal and rather ill. There are deep bags under his eyes.]

Do you still hear them, Stark? I certainly do. It’s deafening.

[runs_on_batteries]

[Tony shakes his head. Crouching down so they can talk more face to face, he put a hand lightly on the boy's shoulder.]

What are you hearing?

[dredefulchilde]

Singing, except when it isn’t. It sounds like sobbing or screaming at the same time.

[He looks so tired.]

I think I’m going mad, Stark. Those inspectors...I’ve never been more terrified of anything in the interminable centuries of my existence. It was like I couldn’t breathe. Like I really was the stupid, pathetic child I pretend to be.

[runs_on_batteries]

[Tony tugs Joss into a hug whether he likes it or not (okay, he wouldn't do it if the kid really resisted).]

Don't say that. I was petrified too, so don't blame your age. It was an ability they had somehow. It wasn't- isn't- your fault.

[dredefulchilde]

[Joss doesn’t resist the hug, but he doesn’t reciprocate. He just goes limp.]

Why am I so weak? What has this place done to me?

[runs_on_batteries]

Joss, you aren't weak. You aren't the one who's been laid up in the medical lab twice now. It's the emotional effect making you question yourself, but you aren't weak or pathetic. You're strong and capable but you've been hit with something.

[He was really getting worried about the vampire now. The poor small guy was just crumbling under the weight of whatever had happened to him.]

Joss, I have a friend on board who can help with these emotions. Please, let me see if I can't get her to come in and give you some relief.

[dredefulchilde]

No.

[He almost surprises himself with how forceful he is.]

No psychics. I can’t...I can’t have another person in my head again. Mother, she...

[He’s shaking now, and he doesn’t know why.]

For nearly three hundred years, my mind was not my own. No psychics.

[runs_on_batteries]

[Tony moves his hand off Joss' shoulder as soon as the boy reacted so negatively.]

Listen to me, Joss! This is really damn important. I would never let someone take over your mind for any reason. I'm hearing you and you get the final say on this, but this isn't the same thing as what you probably experienced. It is only to make the emotions easier to handle. She's used it on me before and helped me out of an anxiety attack. I wouldn't suggest this if I didn't trust her.

[azrthmtrnznthos]

I completely understand. What I do is not control, but I understand what the kind of scars and damage an experience like you had can leave.

[Despite the calm and even-tone of her voice, there is understanding and warmth in it. She truly means it--which is also why Raven had made sure to mention her commitment to ethics.]

You likely also do not want me to be the teacher or help you then, but meditation can also be useful to aid in rest even if you can't fully sleep.

CN: child abuse

[dredefulchilde]

[Tears are burning at his eyes.]

I can't. Mother hurt me.