voidtreckernet | who am i: jelly 17 (cw: mentions of death/identity/spoilers)

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who am i: jelly 17 (cw: mentions of death/identity/spoilers)

[ Scene: Mami in the greenhouse, with a fluffy leaf-green hedgehog on her shoulder. ]

Hi everyone...

I wanted to let you know about something more serious. It's about who...or what I am. So this doesn't surprise you later. I guess some of you already knew I wasn't quite what I appeared to be, but I'm still processing it.

I used to watch shows about magical girls when I was younger. If you've never seen those shows before, they're about girls with magic who use some kind of gem to change into cute battle outfits, have animal friends to mentor them, other magical friends to fight alongside...and love and justice always won out. I used to dream about what it would be like to become one, though I was sure it wasn't real.

And then, when I least expected it, it happened. I was heavily wounded after a car crash, and a cute animal appeared to me. He promised me any wish I wanted as long as I agreed to become a magical girl and fight witches who trap and kill humans. So I wished to keep living...and became what I am now.

I thought I was just a regular magical girl like the ones on TV. But it turns out I'm a lich. Revenant. Undead. He ripped my soul out of my body and put it in a gem...I know that's usually dark magic. I've been reassured that I'm safe for you all to be around, Rosetta helps keep my soul gem safe. But it just feels strange, that I've been like this for a while...is all. Any advice on living with it would be appreciated.

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Yeah. There's another guy on the train now who's in a similar situation.

[Though that's a whole other long story, so he doesn't elaborate on Vexen just now.]

And hey, if I can help keep some one else from making the kinds of mistakes I made? I can definitely take or make some time to talk.

Plus I have a friend who's not entirely human too, and has been struggling with her own issues on that front. Maybe the two of you could help each other out too, kinda like a really small support group or something?

That is correct. One need not be complete to accomplish great things, they must simply cleave to their ideals and press forward. And regardless, you don't seem as though your soul has been completely disconnected from your self, so it oughtn't matter much if it resides within your body, or within an object that communicates your will to your body.

"I died," Soldat explains. "Got my. Life essence or something. Sucked into another world. And then into this." They slide their lantern off their shoulder. It looks like it belongs in Europe in one of the world wars, except it's got metal shutters welded to it, to block the light and protect the glass.

Not unless you want to. Some shades continue on as in life. Others use their afterlife to learn from their mistakes in life and improve.

Even if you are in between being fully alive or being fully dead, you're still you.

It would depend on the tests, and like I said, I'm familiar with a lot of types of dark magic. I'll do what I can to help.

Well...

[There's not nearly as much to his story as there was to Mami's, so in the end there's not much for it except to go for it:]

I was ill, before arriving on the train. As in, I knew it was my time, that I was dying. Only, I ended up on the train instead, in full health, with no obvious reason for it.

[He brings up his SCA-bearing arm, the one whose hand Mami isn't holding.]

To some extent, the train may well be the only thing keeping me alive. If I even am alive.

[He pauses then, feeling quite awkward, not sure how Mami will respond. But he reassures:]

So, you're not alone, whichever you feel you are, or just feeling unsure which you are. And that doesn't make you any less of a person.

[No more than I am, goes the implication.]

Oh wow, that sucks.

I don't really know if this helps at all. But I've been kind of... not really alive, not really dead for that last two years. And I've kind of gotten used to it?

If you ever want to talk about stuff. Or you know, take it some misplaced aggression by punching stuff, I'm there.

I think I'd like that.

...mm. How did your friends react, if you don't mind my asking?

I could try. Let me know when a good time to meet is.

Mami watches the lantern with interest, glancing back down at her gem. Soft little yellow egg, glowing. It's weird to think that her soul is in there.

But she looks back up at Soldat. "It's...good to know we're not alone in dealing with this," she says softly. "And thank you again for all your help back there. You're a baker too?"

As long as it doesn't...well, glitch. I'll be all right.

[ She is relieved. ]

You know so much about these things. It's good to have guidance.

[ She finally smiles. ]

Thank you. I still feel strange, but I'm not going anywhere. Better get used to making this work, right?

My gem. It's my soul, but it's like a heart. If I lose it or it breaks, my body drops dead.

That's worrying. And...I'm not sure I age anymore.

[ Mami listens, her heart swelling as she does. Oh, Alfredo...]

I'm dead like that too. So. Doubly-dead. If we can stay here, it's where I'll be.

[ And she loosens her grip on his hand for just a moment to impulsively hug him. Sorry, Alfredo. ]

Thank you, Raven. I'll keep doing my best for everyone.

I stopped aging over thirty thousand years ago, it's a real nice state of affairs. Otherwise... it's just like an organ? You wouldn't want to damage your heart or your liver or your pancreas, so just add the gem to the list.

Pretty freaked out at first? They saw the accident, and considering how much I was freaking, I can't really blame them. But after that, they accepted me and everything went back to the way it was before.

Just with more ghost attacks.

I've seen others make a variety of mistakes in handling a similar issue. It is regrettable that my experiences are relevant, particularly to one so young, but at least some good is coming of it.

"More of a cook, really. I'm told they're different things. But there's a few things I can bake okay." They set the platter down next to her on the greenhouse bench, sneaking one of the cookies themselves and dropping to a crouch, below her eye level so he's not leaning over her, to eat it.

"I didn't want you to think you're bad just because someone did something bad to you," they add after a beat, voice a little softer. "Especially not something I know a lot of good people had done to them, too." Everyone in Beacon had the same lantern situation, after all. They were all like her. And they were some of the best people Soldat has ever known.

[ He knows he told Persephone and Ryo that he'd try to be more than Death Incarnate, but this is still okay. This is different. ]

If want to speak more of Death, I will answer whatever I can.

Wow...I'm sorry that that happened to you. I can't imagine what that must be like. But you still choose to help people, which I think is way more important than whatever dark magic was used to bring you back to life.

I don't really know much about magic, but I'm pretty good at listening, if you ever wanna talk.

It takes... a while for Otoha to extract himself from his business during the day, so it's a bit until he goes to wander to find Mami. Hopefully she's still in the Greenhouse - if not, he'll wander until he finds her.

Mami's still in the greenhouse, hands neatly folded over her lap, sitting quietly as Rosetta sniffs the flowers. The cycle of life goes on, regardless of how she feels at the moment. She must remain calm.

At the passing of a shadow, she looks up. "...oh, hello. Are you feeling better?"

I'm still here. I still want to protect everyone with what I have...there's no changing it now, right?

[ She's trying so hard to stay positive. ]

I still have regrets, but I need to keep moving forward. And...I'm glad to have you. Thank you, Kitty.

He sits down near her. "... Yeah. I've had an... interesting day." He sighs and closes his eyes for a moment. "... I didn't mean to make you upset. I just thought... I've never met anyone who isn't a Karas with a situation like mine. I mean, I didn't know souls existed a month ago, but still..."

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