[Voice] Imagination 22

[ayao]

[He is tired and sad and more beside himself than he would like to admit.]

Xue Yang, answer me.

[That isn't how he wants to begin this broadcast, so he breathes in...and out.]

Has anyone seen Chifeng-Zun? I cannot find him and I know of no ill that has befallen him.

[Now, the part that really hurts.]

Huaisang, Zewu-Jun, I have failed you in not protecting him. I tried.

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voice;

[lanxichen]

Young master Meng.

[ Xichen's own voice is a little rough, too. He's answering from the garden car, where he first met da ge again. ]

It... may not have been something you could have prevented. I have asked, and people who have been here longer have said that sometimes people go missing as he is, with their names on the list... in gold. Sometimes they return. And other times, come the day when the train stops at a platform, they are gone. It...

It is not him alone who is gone like this. But as it is an occurrence that happened long before you were brought to the train, I do not think you can be blamed.

voice;

[ayao]

[The sound of Xichen's voice makes the tears well in his eyes again.]

I meant to keep us together. I thought I could. He gave me a chance - as have you - and I prayed for time to -

[He bites the inside of his cheek, silencing himself. This feels terrible.]

May I see you?

voice;

[lanxichen]

A chance was given, and then taken. It is better than to not have had a chance at all.

[ Xichen hesitates, then adds, ] I am in the garden car. If you wish.

[ He is not as his best, his eyes reddened almost all the color is to his face - against the bright orange of his train-assigned attire, he probably looks like he's about to fade away. But he's out and about and using words, and that's... something? ]

action;

[ayao]

[He knows now that Da Ge cares for him. Yes, that is better than not knowing - even if it breaks his heart to be away from him.

Once he learns of Xichen's location, he arrives shortly, looking as pale as the other man. He kneels at the man's feet, peering up at him imploringly.]

Zewu-Jun, you need to take care of yourself. Have you eaten today?

[lanxichen]

Please, rise, you need not - it is difficult enough to face already, you need not add to it for lowering himself.

[ He holds out his hand to help him to his feet. Then. Shakes his head. ]

I did not much feel like food this far today. It - I know I need to. I will.

[ For the sake of not ruining Wangji's joyous occasion. Other than that...

He knows he won't be granted the mercy of dying. So what difference does it make if he takes care of himself or not, usually.. ]

[ayao]

[He rises with a sad frown, deciding to take a chance. His arms are slender, but he is strong enough to embrace Xichen and hold him. The other man looks like he could use it.]

I can fix you something delicious. Then you won't be able to say no.

[lanxichen]

[ Xichen freezes for a moment, but then his arms settle around Meng Yao's shoulders and he holds him back. Not even replying for a long moment, just closing his eyes and pretending, for a long moment, that he's not breaking.

Then he hums quietly. ]

You do not have to - I will not refuse it, but - you do not have to, all right?

[ayao]

[He settles in immediately, the gentle scent of his perfume hopefully offering some sense of calm. He is so careful with his hygiene and his appearance. Those habits had extended to Mingjue; Meng Yao had spent his mornings brushing the man's hair and helping him ready for the day.]

I want to. [He rests their heads together, eyes closing.] For you.

[lanxichen]

I-- [ Xichen hesitates, then hums softly. Yes, it's a comfort. It's a comfort that Xichen feels guiltier for accepting. And he knows that Mingjue himself more than allowed it, but that's different. It's Xichen's trust that hurt him, after all.

And yet. Yet he needs this, a little. And he thinks Meng Yao is not pretending about needing it, too. ]

All right. But - in a little while. I truly am not that hungry.

[ So, yes, that is permission to stay close like this. ]

[ayao]

A little while. [He agrees, curling closer to the other man, one of his hands rubbing over Xichen's back. It feels so good to touch him and he is, as ever, greedy for more. Meng Yao has been so careful about becoming overly attached to anyone, but Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen have turned his self-control on its head.]

I would have gone in his place.

[lanxichen]

[ Xichen squeezes his eyes against the stinging, his fingers rising to caress lightly over the braided hair. ]

Do not think of it so. I think - eventually, we will all need to go. He was ever the first of us, is all. Instead, try to cherish the additional time we did have. Knowing that, in the end, he could seek a way to forgive and would choose to love.

[ayao]

He proved his strength. [Not just physically, but the strength of his heart too. Nie Mingjue is one of a kind and wholly deserving of their love.] I will follow his lead with you and everyone else I encounter.

[Meng Yao sighs under that touch, holding Xichen a bit tighter.]

[lanxichen]

I know he would like that. He always wanted you to follow his example.

[ One of the reasons, probably one of the biggest reasons, why he agreed to their sworn brotherhood.

But that is... all the more certainty for Xichen to know what he said is true. ]

Ever the best of us, he was a good man - and I think you can be, too. And you will not be alone on that path, either.

[ Xichen will not abandon him. Somehow. ]