voidtreckernet | Following that other one... [video]

[Joss sits, bent over his cocoa and very quiet. Uncharacteristically so.]

[Tony comes over and sits next to Joss. He doesn't say anything at first as he puts an arm around him. He figures it must be really awful to see a murder after having been murdered not that long ago. He couldn't imagine the horrors the kid must be seeing in his mind.]

I'm not going to let someone hurt you.

[For once, Joss accepts the hug without a fuss. He even leans into it.]

I’m a killer. I don’t—I don’t want—that’s not me anymore, but it was. I did horrible things. Am I next?

[Tony craned his neck so he could keep Joss under an arm but also see just how sincere this answer was.]

No!

[Was there more? Well, yes, of course there was more. That wasn't nearly enough of an answer from someone who loves to talk.]

You are not who you used to be and I have done horrible things too. This train is about redemption. I don't care what you did or to whom, Joss. You are a good person and I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I give you my word.

[Unfortunately, Tony’s word doesn’t seem to be enough. Joscelin sits rigidly on the bench, eyes staring straight ahead.]

It’s his fault. The other Joscelin’s, I mean.

You're right. It wasn't. All the more reason you shouldn't fear punishment.

[He sighed.]

Joss, think logically about this. Yes, we were caught off guard but now everyone is on alert and watching everyone else's back. You know how strong many of us are. Do you honestly think anything can escape all of that?

[He snuggles in closer to his foster father, who seems very tall and very safe right about now.]

I know, I know...but watching that. I remember when it happened to me, you know. The first time I died, I was too sick to notice the difference. I just fell asleep. But when I was shot, it was sudden and violent and I saw it coming. I felt it.

I don't want to die again.

[It was healing in some ways that even if he hadn't prevented the psychological attack the ICP message had been, he was still hero enough for Joss to lean on.]

You won't, kid. You won't.

But it can't be easy having a reminder like this after what you went through.

[He looks up at Tony.]

I am, though. That's the whole point. I'm mortal now and anything can hurt me. You're right; it was a reminder. I just met her on the platform...I gave her water because she had something in her eye. And then she was killed, just like that.

[He sighs. It wasn't because Joss was being difficult- even if he was kind of. He was frustrated there wasn't an easy way to answer this that would make his boy less afraid.]

At some point, as a mortal, you'll die. That's true. However, it's not going to happen with me around.

[He knew he could make all the promises he wanted but eventually he wouldn't be able to shelter the boy- or his other boy.]

You should talk to Peter too. He is struggling with similar things and in a sense you're both kind of brothers. At a point in his future, I'm not going to be around. If you follow me home, eventually I will die there as well. May and Peter will be part of your family there as well as here in addition to Morgan and Pepper.

[A small, soft and fluffy black cat wandered up to sit in front of the unhappy kid. He never went too close, just in case people didn't actually like kids. But he sat close enough to watch him.

Eventually he spoke.]

It's okay to be sad.

Joscelin had been absentmindedly petting the cat that had wandered over to his seat when it suddenly spoke. He’s more used to the idea of talking animals now than he was before, though, so he takes it in stride.

“You’re a shapeshifter, are you? Hmm, yes, I suppose it’s all right to be sad. I just wish I didn’t feel so damned powerless.”

"Not technically..." He could shift his shape, sure, but he wouldn't have considered himself a shapeshifter. What he was he didn't want to say. If adults freaked out he didn't want to think about how kids would react if they knew what he truly was. Best just to let people think he was a nice cat, here to soothe them with purrs and being cute.

He had leaned into the hand petting him, softly purring.

"I don't think anyone could have done anything though. That's why people are here doing this. Because it's all they can do."

He scratches the talking cat behind the ears. He's more familiar with dogs than with cats, truthfully, but he seems to remember that most animals like this. "What are you then, if not a shapeshifter? Fae?" He's just idly curious, chatting with this cat to keep his mind off of the horrors he just witnessed.

"That doesn't make me feel better," he sighs. "I used to be someone who could do something. Now I'm just another stupid kid, not useful for anything.'

Maru was quiet, just content for the moment to let the boy pet his ears. It seemed to calm people when they did that, and as a cat it wasn't a bad feeling. Especially when they got that part he just couldn't reach with his own little paws.

At the question though, Maru gave the smallest of frowns. There was something about this kid...

"Vampire..." the word was out before he could stop himself. It was the lack of fear he was getting off of the boy. Even his questions seemed almost disinterested. Maybe he could accept that answer and not want to kill him on sight?

"No one is 'just' a thing. You can be someone again."

That makes the petting stop, just for a moment.

"Truthfully?" Joscelin laughs, a little bitterly.

"So was I, until recently. So no, I won't be strong again, not whilst I remain human."

"Kind of." that wasn't quite the reaction he'd been expecting, but at least he hadn't been thrown across the room.

Though finding out the kid had been a vampire...and now wasn't...intrigued him. "How?" he looked up at the kid. "How did you stop?" could it work for him too? Could he be human again?

"' Kind of?'" Joss repeats. "Is it because you're a cat right now?" Vampires aren't supposed to shapeshift, but in this train where nothing makes sense he supposes--why not? Why not have a vampire who is also a talking cat?

"I died, about five weeks ago. Got shot through the heart with a laser--which apparently counts as something that can kill vampires even though it's not one of the traditional methods. Then I woke up and I was human again, after nearly seven centuries. Being a weak human child is extremely inconvenient; I don't recommend it. I even need to wear glasses."

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sobothersome - 2020-06-28 22:47 (UTC) - Expand

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sobothersome - 2020-07-03 17:13 (UTC) - Expand

[Conan had not been getting along with Joss at all lately. But in this situation...

He'd seen a lot of murders in his life, and he'd seen the way people reacted to them. He could tell that Joss wasn't taking this well.

So Conan stops and sits down beside him, not saying anything yet.]

Joscelin stares resolutely into his mug. Someone put a marshmallow in it. Huh, he hadn’t thought the train even had marshmallows. Had someone ordered them from the shop?

“...I’ve done worse, you know,” he says eventually. “Before. Years ago, back when I was still in the business of killing humans. I’ve seen all manner of deaths and dismemberments in my time. Hell, I’ve lived through multiple wars and two world wars.”

He looks up at Conan, wondering why he’s saying all this, and laughs. “Is this my confession? The murderer unburdening himself before the detective? How ridiculously cliche. Yes, I’ve killed. But this...it’s too much. Watching what happened to her. Remembering what happened to me. Am I next on the vigilante justice docket?”

Conan listens silently.

"I don't believe there is anything that justifies murder," he says at last. "People have reasons for committing murder. They have excuses, and they have so many explanations for why this time, in their particular case, it was justified. But I don't understand it." A grimace. "You've told me before that you had killed before. But I can't understand it. And It isn't the job of a detective to judge and punish."

He frowns again, and is silent for a moment.

"And that wasn't justice. Not either of the incidents. Whatever his reasoning for killing, there was nothing in that but revenge. And there was nothing in that punishment of justice."

This kind of thing could not happen again.

“I used to be quite wicked and evil,” Joscelin explains, blowing gently on the cocoa to cool it. “Actually evil, I mean: killing for the fun of it. I wonder what changed? I know I did these things—I have those memories—but they repulse me now. I don’t understand it myself. It’s like a different Joscelin did those things and I’ve been left holding the bag.”

He has been thinking about this a lot, lately: the other Joscelin. The vampire with centuries of memories that play before Joss’s eyes like a badly tuned television—fuzzy and muted and then occasionally brilliantly clear.

“But if the vigilante is not inclined to see things in shades of gray, then I suppose that I still am the monster I once was.”

Edited 2020-06-24 23:47 (UTC)

[There's a scrabbling at his leg and Joss will all of a sudden feel more hopeful than before as a familiar white weasel tries to climb up onto his leg.

It hadn't taken Romeo long to realise a lot of people were very scared and sad right now, so he had gone to Elfnein and she had turned him so he could help in the best way he knew how!]

[Joscelin can't help but smile at the little white weasel as he picks it up and begins to stroke it.]

You were worried about me, weren't you, Romeo?

[Yes. He had been terribly worried about Joss, about all his friends and everyone on the train and this was the best way he could help!

He nuzzles his nose against Joss' hand.]

Following that other one... [video]

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Switching to prose bc it’s easier to phone tag

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