voidtreckernet | video; poi 16

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video; poi 16

Um.. hi, everyone!

[ Madoka is smiling on the screen, though it's definitely a faint smile. A smile with something awkward around its edges, like the girl is trying really hard to smile, even though it's difficult. ]

I hope everyone has seen the art car already.. I turned my points into votes so we could get it as soon as possible, and it seems like it really worked. [ Thank god for the train actually following up on its promises. ] The carriage is really nice, so.. please make sure to check it out. Even if you don't think you like art, it can be a good way to.. um, to just.. release your feelings a little, I guess.

[ And that's something a lot of people could maybe use right now, she thinks. ]

And.. there's something else too. Maybe some other people got messages from the Ministry too, but I also got one, right around the end of the mission.. It said..

[ ...

Madoka suddenly grows quiet. ]

.. It said my world is gone, just like I thought. I.. um. [ She bites her lip, obviously having more trouble speaking. ] I just thought I'd share that information. Because.. I think it's important to keep remembering that a lot could be happening back home while we're stuck here, s-so.. it'd be really nice if the people who want to go home could go home soon, and make sure their worlds are okay.

[ There's another pause, and then the girl sucks in a breath, shaking her head before quickly adding: ]

D-Don't worry about me, by the way! They said that they.. they'll try to see if my world can be restored somehow, s-so.. um, I'm sure it'll be okay! [ Look at her suddenly talking so much more quickly, like she wants to get saying this out of the way as soon as possible. ] A-Anyway, please enjoy the art carriage..!

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[ He doesn't even really bother responding, just leaving the terminal and heading for the art carriage. It doesn't take him too long, and he goes over to Madoka's side as soon as he gets there. ]

I am... sorry. About your world, I mean. ... You shouldn't have to go through something like that.

[ There's some more initial surprise when the feed suddenly cuts out. But after a moment Madoka is capable of figuring out what's most likely going on here. If Naoya asked where she is, and then shut off the feed, then he's probably coming in her direction.

She's not too sure how to feel about that, since it's a little easier to deflect across screens than it is in person.. But it's too late to stop it now, anyway.

Which means Madoka focuses again on the drawing she was working on until she hears the sound of the door opening. It's then that she glances up, looking at Naoya as he approaches her and speaks.

His words leave her quiet for a moment, glancing down at her hands, but then she slowly speaks. ]

.. It's okay. I.. mean.. there's nothing we can do about it already having happened..

[ That's the hard part. That realisation. There's absolutely nothing Madoka herself could have done about it, and nothing she can do for her world unless the Ministry finds a way to fix it. ]

I just.. wish it hadn't happened in the first place.

[He holds a hand out before resting it on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.]

I'm sure there's a way to save things. Lost things can be recovered. Solutions can be found in places where you don't expect them. If you want to save your world, you'll find a way.

Don't give up. Even if it takes a long time, there's got to be a way to make things turn out the right way.

I'm.. [ She starts, then stops.

And then finally shakes her head. ]

I'm not giving up.

[ Madoka doesn't want to. The Ministry did say they're looking into things, trying to see if they can somehow revert things, so there's some hope there. But.. ]

It's just.. [ This time her voice trails off like she's thinking of the right word to use. ] .. hard.

[ That sentiment is reflected in her eyes too. ]

Good. Because... there's a way.

[He hesitates, and then draws her into a loose hug. He knows that hopelessness, that feeling that there's nothing that you can do. If someone had been there for him, maybe...]

[But there's no sense in thinking on the past right now.]

I know. It must feel awful. ... But you can cry if you need to, yell if you need to. Take the time that you need to in order to process it.

[ Madoka shakes her head - something that Naoya can probably feel more than he can see, considering that she's in the hug. Her forehead rests against his chest just enough for him to be able to feel it. ]

I don't want to cry. [ Or rather, she's already cried enough.

Even if she can't help it, it still all feels wasted. Time she's just spending feeling hurt. ]

I've already been sad for long enough on the train.. I don't want to feel like that anymore.

That's all right as well.

... You let people know if there's anything that they can do, all right? There are people here who care about you.

[Maybe not him, but he can play the good person when he needs to.]

.. I'd like it if there was someone who could make everything alright again.

[ That's a honest admission, really. That's Madoka's deepest wish, all the way down in her heart. For everyone to be okay. For everyone's worlds to be okay. For them to not be trapped here unless they wish to be, not being forced watch people they love disappear all the time..

But before Naoya might get stressed out if he were to think she was a little too serious about that, Madoka adds: ]

But.. I know that's not possible. Things haven't changed here for well over a year, so of course they still won't change that easily.. [ Even though it's hard.

Even though things feel more and more painful, after so long. ]

[He lets her go and meets her gaze - not unkindly, just watching.]

You're... right that it's not that easy. But the train's gone in the past to save worlds before, I think. There's a chance that it could do it for your world, too.

[He's not great at the whole 'hope' thing, but he's doing his best for her.]

We'll think of something.

[ Madoka seems to fret for a moment, like she's hesitating to talk about this. But on the other hand.. maybe it's better that Naoya knows. ]

Something like that.. has happened in my world before too.

[ Maybe she's keeping it a little vague on purpose, exactly because the details are so painful, but she is saying it. ]

The Ministry knew about that too, that's why they're looking into whether that could be used to save my world. Even though.. um, it's obviously going to be harder now my world is just gone.. [ Hard to use the Homura time reset button when the other girl just doesn't even exist anymore due to Madoka's absense. ]

... Right. Well, hopefully we can find a way to do that soon. Your world shouldn't be destroyed - no world should be.

[There's always something to use, at least. There's got to be something to save. Something new to learn.]

Just hold on, Madoka. We'll come up with an answer.

.. okay, Naoya-san.

[ And yet Madoka.. doesn't sound really enthusiastic about that.

It's not even that she doesn't want to believe. It's just.. believing after over a year of nothing, and the only confirmation being the fact that her world and everyone she loves is completely gone because of the train kidnapping her? It's a lot.

Hence why she still looks bummed, even as she obediently says: ]

If you say so.

... I didn't mean to push, Madoka.

[He sighs and pushes his hair back from his face.]

... I'm not being helpful. Perhaps I should leave. I... interrupted you having fun with this place.

[ She suddenly, yet quickly, shakes her head.

Not necessary to him saying that he should leave. Sure, he can leave if he wants to. But then he says that last part, and the combination of those two statements is what's enough to make the girl shake her head. ]

N-No, it's fine.

[ The last thing she wants him to do is blame himself for her sadness, when the only culprit in it is.. well, technically the train, but Madoka is having a really hard time not giving herself the blame for all that happened. ]

It's not your fault, Naoya-san. Nothing is.

[ She at least wants him to know that. Of course Madoka would still try to cheer up others, even when she herself isn't feeling great. ]

I'm really happy you're helping me, it's just.. um. [ She pauses, frowning. It's hard to put all of this into words. These situations are a lot bigger and heavier than someone as young as Madoka thought she would ever personally deal with. ] I think.. I might be sad for a while. I-I'll try not to be, but.. everything feels so ovewhelming, and I'm having a hard time acting happy for everyone because of it..

... It's fine to be sad if you feel sad, Madoka.

[He offers her a small smile before speaking again.]

You can always come and find me if you want someone to listen - even if you're afraid of bothering me, you won't be. Or if you just need to be around someone while you do other things. It's... a lot to take in, I can understand that much.

Even if I can't totally understand the feelings you're feeling, I can still be around for you.

But.. would it really not be bothersome for you?

[ That's what she's worried about. Always. It's the reason why she's still trying to work so hard every day, trying to make things run like usually on the train, even though her worries about her own world have increased and increased with each passing month..

All the way until she got this unfortunate news about what happened to it. ]

I mean.. I always feel a little sad too when the people around me are sad. And I don't want you to have to be sad. [ Not when Naoya already deals with enough problems of his own. ]

No, it wouldn't be.

['I don't care about the emotions of most people' isn't an appropriate response here, even if it's true.]

I'd rather you go to someone than just sit and try to deal with it on your own. It can hurt too much to bear all by yourself.

[ ~~Savage, Naoya.~~ ]

.. okay. [ 'If you're sure,' being the implication here. Madoka doesn't say it out loud, but it lies heavy on her tongue, heavy enough that it probably speaks through in the words she does say here. ] I trust you, Naoya-san.

[ To be telling the truth, that is. To not have other people's emotions be too heavy of a burden for him. ]

I'll probably feel sad about this for a little while, but.. if it gets too bad, I'll try to come find you and talk to you. [ And honestly?

A little while might be an understatement, given the severity of the situation. ]

That's understandable, given what you learned.

[If his world was gone... but then he'd probably be free. Too much to hope for.]

... You're a brave girl. You're taking this a lot better than I thought you might be.

[He expected more tears, really. He's a little surprised to find a lack of them... but maybe she's already cried them out a long time ago.]

Haha...

[ It's a very awkward and soft laugh, and she shakes her head. ]

I already heard about it a little while ago. [ It's just that she couldn't bring herself to talk about it so openly yet. She wasn't sure how she would react while telling a big crowd of people all of it. So she at least had to wait a few days, just to make sure she wouldn't openly bawl and be entirely incoherent. ]

I got the message from the Ministry during the last mission. At the end of it, when everyone was coming back from the big fight.. That's when I knew already. So, um.. I've had a little bit to think about it.

[ Even if thinking about it might not necessarily do much. ]

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video; poi 16

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