The word you need is 'self-punishing'. Being selfish means trying to only benefit yourself, even if it hurts others.
If you think you're hurting others no matter what, you're being 'self-punishing'.
...It's better to let yourself be you though, is the point. Thinking of yourself as 'another' of someone else makes impossible expectations, and becomes self-punishing.
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The word you need is 'self-punishing'. Being selfish means trying to only benefit yourself, even if it hurts others.
If you think you're hurting others no matter what, you're being 'self-punishing'.
...It's better to let yourself be you though, is the point. Thinking of yourself as 'another' of someone else makes impossible expectations, and becomes self-punishing.