voidtreckernet | Orchestra Day 14

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Orchestra Day 14

[Video]

[Yondu's opting for a video post though he did consider audio. But he really wants to put out there how important this is to him. He needs help and he can finally damn well practice what he preaches and ask for it.]

[Okay, deep, uneasy exhale before explaining.]

I uh.... before I showed up here, the same day even, there was a mutiny aboard my ship. Had a buncha folks decide they didn't like I was takin' cheaper jobs to keep from doin' stuff I weren't comfortable with. I was usually able to make excuses- we still made plenty but a few outspoken bastards were real upset I didn't always pick the options with more in our pockets, and then my first mate got jealous. Called me out in front of everyone. 'Caused a shitstorm. [He's a little distant in describing that.]

He didn't know how bad it'd get. The traitors... they uh... Hell... Alright if you're a kid or you don't gotta deal with a lotta death, just turn this off. Get the hell outa here. It ain't for you. [He takes a moment for them to do that if they care to. Alright? Good. Carrying on.] I was detained proper at the time. Couldn't use my arrow, couldn't fight, too hurt to get loose. They shoved 'em one by one out an airlock an' I couldn't save 'em. We're talkin' a hundred plus men dead, one by one. It was not just a few. Just left to float like garbage thrown out a window and they laughed about it and mocked 'em as they watched 'em go.

[There's a moment of shaky-breathed anger, but, you know, what's done is done. Assholes what done it are dead now, they cain't do it to anyone else or use his ship to go make the universe an even worse place or harass his family. He's good.] Dyin' in space is like freezin' and drownin' at the same time. Every moment of it hurts 'cause you feel your outside freezin' in, an' at some point you know even if you was saved the life left in ya wouldn't be worth it. [He can say that from experience. There's a little bit where you know how bad the damage is.] Almost three decades some of those men had been with me. Good and bad. I didn't make a lotta friends but they did mean somethin' to me. And someone gave me the idea maybe I could put 'em to rest if I could do somethin' memorialwise. I don't want the last thoughts directed at 'em to be their own crewmates bein' happy about 'em dyin'.

Ravagers... when we die, usually we're remembered. If our bodies cain't be picked up, we're toasted by our crew. If our bodies are there, we're put in the ship's engine. Turned to stardust, get to travel forever. And the one that's usually for captains is a ship flying its Colors- you do this big light show. Well, no crew here besides myself to drink to 'em, and their bodies ain't anywhere to be found [not to mention a hundred-some people is a lot] so I figured I'd ask anyone that can do lights an' illusions if they'd help me out to fly them the Colors whenever we're at a stop where our lives don't depend on it and there's a sky overhead. They weren't captains but they was loyal enough. I don't know if I could pay ya, but I been sittin' on knowin' what happened to 'em and I ain't been able to think of a way to really make it right.

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( Yondu wasn't hard to find, and so sometime after his announcement the Senju places down some food and (to his surprise, he'd not have believed the train to have it) traditional tea making equipment all on a tray. )

How are you feeling? ( Eyes flick up to the man as he seats himself and unloads the materials necessary to prep the tea. )

Edited (derp) 2021-11-29 08:51 (UTC)

[He's a little surprised to see him bring food. More surprised for the tea tray and the nice presentation of the food. A snack he's not surprised by, but this is more effort than he would have expected. He's not about to turn it down, though.]

I dunno. [He says honestly.] Still hurts but it's easier'n how it's been. [He puts aside the book he's long since lost concentration on to take the food. He's at least learned to use chopsticks since coming to the train so he's not a complete heathen.]

Thank ya. It was a good idea, an' loyalty like that deserves rewardin'. They didn't change their stand to save their skins. They went down yellin'.

( Don't think too much of it. Tobirama's a traditional man but this is all crudely slapped together -- at least in his terms, in the terms of what it should be like. Frankly, it's a comfort more than anything. But perhaps their understanding of levels of effort are wildly different. In any case, he continues to prepare the tea. )

That type of loyalty is rare, I find. ( A pause, gently whisking the tea before serving the small bowl to Yondu. ) Whether it's to a person or an idea, people often shift to save their lives.

[Very much wildly different. To him, someone who barely had any gestures of kindness (and often shows his own affection through gifts) when people share food with him he appreciates anything about it. Whether it's a handful of trail mix, a teenager handing him some hard candies, the occasional baked good, or in this case, nice tea and some kind of ocean monster salad which he's totally okay with.]

[He eats a bite as he listens, before he puts it down to take the bowl of tea.]

Yeah. I've seen it happen often enough. Maybe they would have feigned disloyalty in a different situation. The only reason my first mate survived was because he did that, up until he could turn me loose.

That and him knowing how bad he'd botched everything was the only reason I forgave him.

[He prepares to take a drink of the tea. But it occurs to him to say.] I remember who do right by me. And you have, so if you're ever in a tight spot all you gotta do is holler. [Which is different from that preservative crew loyalty he'd spoken of before. Tobirama was more than proving himself someone he wanted around, with minimal effort apparently. And he looks off before taking that sip, thinking again about Kraglin and where everything went wrong.]

( His eyes flick up when Yondu speaks about his first mate. And a smirk filled his lips at the last statement, though is left as fast as it came. )

It's bitter. ( He mentions about the tea just before Yondu sips. ) As for the rest, did you trust him when he presumably turned?

Kraglin was jealous of my boy. I think... hm... I think he couldn't tell what kinda feelin's Quill an' I had and he just didn't think we was close enough. [It's the first time he's really considered Kraglin's behavior towards him.] I forgave 'im, but... I died just a few hours later so I didn't really get to figure out whether or not I fully'd ever trust him again.

[Yondu looks sadly into the tea, again thinking of how badly Stakar hated him. His heart pangs.]

...I drink pretty strong coffee sometimes. Picked it up when I came to the train. Come to associate the bitter taste with feelin' my bones warm up. This ain't bad. [But he appreciates the warning.]

( He thinks that those who seem the toughest are the most vulnerable underneath it all-- a good breeding place for loneliness and jealousy. Thoughts he'll keep to himself for now, though. Tobirama knows that he himself wouldn't be able to fully trust someone like that even if he's forgiven the previous actions. He didn't trust Orochimaru, and though they've come a long way he still -- if he was being honest -- didn't trust Sasuke.

Deep down there was that seed just waiting to be proven right. He sighs, an audible and heavy one. )

There is something to be said for him coming back to do the right thing, at least. ( A sip parts the two statements. ) I hope that this helps you put your friends to rest.

It's a conversation I'm glad I don't gotta have. I don't know that I could trust 'im again. But he's probably the only one left what cared enough to see my funeral done right. I wanna think I can trust that much out of him.

[Yondu's a forgiving man, but never has been a trusting one. Trust is hard-earned, and easily lost. Loathe as he is to admit it he couldn't even trust Peter. And while people rarely trusted him, if they were on his good side they could at least always count on the fact Yondu would show up if he was called on.]

I told Sanzo once that I hope at least some of 'em found their own trains. As long as some people know they did good an' what was done to 'em wasn't right. [That they weren't just a bunch of throwaway dead Ravagers. And maybe he shouldn't have said his personal stake over the network, but he needed people to know he wouldn't damn well just let his crew die if he had the choice.]

Would you wish that trauma on them? ( He finally gets to his own salad, the sweet tanginess offsetting the bitter quite well. Thinks for a second to mention something-- doesn't. No use in that. Unlikely to work. ) I've thought this a few times. What it does to a person to come back when they've endured such a traumatic death. For them, it may be better they stay passed.

Some of 'em. The ones what could handle it. I described it 'cause that's how I died, and here I am. I know quite a few of 'em... bastards would probably just jump up an' laugh about how they didn't get got after all.

[And he finds himself smiling. For all that they weren't 'friends', sometimes he does miss watching their antics. How hard they celebrated everything.]

I bet you got a few of those, too.

( There were some, he supposed. Hashirama always had a resilience to him but they had to; they all had to. He'd deliberated on it several times, actually. After his brother's passing. Seeking counsel for things his widowed wife simply couldn't fulfill but couldn't bring himself to do it.

Others, though. Glad to be returned to the land of the living. None of those people were particularly... good to have back. A few exceptions he supposed. Naruto. Sasuke. )

A few. ( A pause. ) The list of those I'd be happy to see return fewer. Our life after is not so bad.

I guess it does have a difference if ya got some idea that there's definitely a better place out there.

[When it's all about how people remember you, he really does want an extension for some. He definitely thinks without him, some of 'em will lead better lives, be a part of better crews, and that's just a fact. It's a lot of weight in the conversation, though, even for one about the dead and their continued life.]

[He thinks about saying something else, but scoops octopus into his mouth to keep it busy. It's not exactly elegant, refined eating, munching pieces whole, but that's a sharp tooth thing he can't even help. At least it's not the disaster the grilled cheese was.]

For your sake then, I hope some of them so find another. ( He's quiet for some time as well, sipping his tea, considering. Then, to break the silence. He'd introduced himself as Senju for a variety of reasons, but: ) Tobirama. ( A beat. ) Is my first name.

( The Senju tips up his cup and finished the tea. ) It means 'the space between two doors'. In our culture, doors are significant in meaning. As gateways to progression and opportunity.

[He'd gathered from the roster. He'd looked him up at some point, but to be given a name is different from just searching it out. He knew the clan name was important, so he'd understand why he'd labeled himself Senju first.]

You think it fits ya pretty well? [He asks in much the same way Tobirama had asked about his team color, and Yondu takes another sip of the tea.]

( The question pulls back at the corner of Tobirama's lips for a moment. Yes, he's figured the name itself was already well known. Can't hide that with the lists available, but indeed there is something to be said about being given it. )

I do. ( His fingers fold in his lap. ) It is the place I belong the most.

[Even the man's resignation (or relaxation) looks stoic. Takes some presence to pull that off.]

Is this one of them places?

[Because it's been confining to him. He's a rover, once with the ability to roam the stars. He still misses every part of being able to reach out and visit them and be a part of worlds where time wasn't measured in sunsets or sunrises but the movement of an entire nebula-lit sky. Or worlds covered in skeletons, their artifacts around them the last remnants of their stories, every misplaced relic a tale.]

[Though the people he's met do make a difference. They're the closest he can get to that sense again. Each story, whether it's a tale of a world where someone who dares kill a whole eight people as a soldier is considered unhinged, a foundling boy trained his whole life to be one of the most important Buddhist priests to exist in his world, or an impossibly strong Prince who is only the ruler of a few battle-torn stragglers. Or in another man's dreams to end a cycle of clan-generated violence. He's got to dig for those places in other people's memories.]

Edited 2021-12-03 01:51 (UTC)

It's more metaphorical than that ( he begins to explain. As it stood, Tobirama wasn't too bothered by the circumstances but it likely would become so. Then again, he was a man who made home where the people he cared for were. Quite literally; there wasn't a village before he worked so hard to help his brother create one. )

The space binding two points, two opportunities, two different directions -- this is how I interpret it.

Huh.... I guess the question still stands then. [Yondu's still thoughtful, putting down his now empty tea cup.]

Do you see an opportunity here? Directions that draw ya to 'em?

[But then it's still all pretty new to the guy.]

Hard to say right now. ( He thinks on it; thinks about the kind of person he is. Rest isn't in his blood. Starting over, starting new, those things aren't in his blood either. He has a skill set. He puts them to use. Routine, consistency, all comforts for him. He wont change. He'll find a way to fit himself here; a way to live to his name. ) But knowing me, I can't imagine I won't find a place to house myself in a similar fashion.

Well... just remember that most of the kids here are looking for guides rather than leaders. You start tryin' to boss people and they get resentful. [Technically he's a lead, but he knows it's little more than dispensing information, maybe some organizing.]

Not that I doubt you have the experience in bein' a guide. But after all, you're talkin' to a former captain right now... even if things went to shit. I'm friends with a Prince. I know the highest Buddhist priest. I know angels and demons themselves millennia upon millennia-old and eccentric for every year of it.

[He really does love Crowley and Aziraphale being so damn approachably weird for what they are.]

But the kids still need us. Especially since so many of 'em went through what we did.

That was never my style in the first place. ( Outside of a very specific group which all knew what they were getting into, but he won't mention that. He's quiet once more before asking: ) Here, or back home?

Edited 2021-12-09 03:54 (UTC)

Hm. You struck me as the leader type. You got that air to ya. [But that's his business.]

They're all here. Bunch of others, too. I don't remember if I mentioned the gods and such. Probably did. Clan leaders from different cultures. Top of the line brainwashed assassins.

[He slumps lower in his seat, impolitely, frowning in that way his face is just set to frown as a default expression he can't help.] Though considerin' Ravagers are mostly made up of expats and genocide victims meeting people with shit life stories isn't that odd. This is just the first place I didn't run off from 'em.

[Because he can't. Because it's a tiny train, and he had to play nice in the beginning. Now he actually cares but he had a few conditions early on that made him care.]

Edited 2021-12-09 04:11 (UTC)

In my way, I am. I have no interest in leading those who wish not to be led, nor lording over others with the assumption of knowing all.

( And that was true as anything. Root was not his design and were he alive when it had been created he would have quickly dismantled it; reprimanded those involved in its birth. It still fuels a potent rage within him. The very idea of it went against everything he fought for, everything his brother fought for, and how Danzou could have the nerve to take charge of such a thing. How Utatane, Mitokado -- how Saru of all people could support it.

Unforgivable. )

Perhaps that was a gift waiting to be received. It seems you've since received it well.

Well... I weren't aimin' to be insultin'. [He's just prone to being a bossy bitch himself. He probably would have been worse for it if that whole tragic scenario mentioned before hadn't happened. He'd have gotten into way deeper shit.]

[He quirks his mouth to the side.]

Y'know... one of those crew members- Tullk? Did I mention Tullk? Well... I knew 'im from way back when. One of the first guys I took on. Way back when I was a lot happier. An' then ever'thin' went downhill and I changed to survive. But it was like he kept tryin' to draw that old version of me out. Never gave up on it. Would wave at me through windows and laugh the loudest and shut down anybody backtalkin' me.

No matter how much I ignored 'im. He tried like hell. He was one of those men what got shunted out the airlock, yellin' the whole way.

...So I guess for him I oughta shut the hell up and receive it well. Even if by habit I wanna be a prick about it.

No insult taken, its too common a method of leadership. ( And it works for some people and in some instances but there's lines -- it was Madara's problem, too. Wanting control, wanting to lord power over others. Will always result in rebellion and war. Even when you try your best... mistakes he's vaguely learned from.

This all aside, he can't help but notice something about the man. It's become more and more clear each time they speak. Worries a lot about how people perceive him. And everyone does, but. It's not his place to point out, though. Can only imagine what seeing that would do to a person. ) You can choose to receive it however you wish, Yondu. That is, I think, the point.

Orchestra Day 14

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