Nebula 5

[firewalled]

Heard we're supposed to be having another mission soon... seems a bit like every time we get beat down, we have a nice break, then have to get beat down even harder, huh?

[Rich is starting to get tired of this, honestly. He's trying not to let it show on his face, but the bags under his eyes probably still make it obvious. At least he seems to be back to his talkative self, though he has to admit... it's just because he can't take the silence anymore.]

Anyways, I've been thinkin' a lot about the stuff I miss back home. Video games and cheesy movies, and fast food courts in malls that seem like a great vibe until two hours later when you've barricaded yourself in a bathroom stall. All the stuff we don't have a lot of here. And I think there's one thing we're sorely missing, which is memes.

[He smirks a little.] I mean, I could do an acoustic riff on Astley if anyone wanted it, but I wonder if we have better than that.

Maybe we could use that laptop to make new ones? Yknow, all that bottom text goodness? Though I guess we couldn't really use them as reaction images on these terminals...

Anyways, I guess, what's the one thing you wish you had here, that the train just can't replace for you? So whatever you can't buy from the store. I'm in a nostalgic kinda mood.

Comments

[firewalled]

You... you don't need to apologize. It's not your fault. I mean, if it's anyone's, it's mine. [Though even he can admit that he didn't have a lot of time or energy to turn over a new leaf before he was taken like that. He was focusing on healing until he could see them again...

He tries to smile, but he doesn't know if he looks successful.] I guess that's something I've got to hope for, right? I don't think they'll worry that much, with the school's rumour mill going nuts about me, but... at least then they could hear from my own mouth what actually happened.

[irrationally]

If we truly want to get technical, there are a whole lot more factors one needs to count in here, other than just your behaviour.

[ After all, if Rich's world wasn't such a weird place where computers can control your brain, a concept Alice truly has been trying to wrap her mind around in her own way, then none of this mess would even have happened in the first place.

Alice finds that these sorts of things often are able to be traced back to shitty worlds. Or a handful of terrible people. ]

You always blame yourself so much. [ Her tone doesn't sound like it's scolding him - more just like she's pointing it out. It's not like it's the first time she has done as much, after all. ]

[firewalled]

...I guess so. There are other factors. I just need to make it clear that my behaviour is one of them. It's an important one.

[He already knows where this is going, before she even speaks up. People here have often wondered why Rich is so determined to blame himself for everything, and sure, he knows he's not completely to blame for everything that happened. He knows that... as much as he knows that he doesn't deserve the sympathy that comes with that easy way out.

He sighs heavily and shakes his head.]

If I hadn't been such a miserable asshole, the SQUIP wouldn't have been able to use me the way it did. Simple as that.

[irrationally]

[ Alice isn't too sure of it. Even with her limited knowledge of computers - or most things related to technology, really - she's pretty sure that computers would have been able to do that sort of thing, regardless of one's personality.

But on the other hand, she also doesn't want to push too hard. She doesn't know all the details, after all. What exactly Rich was like, what exactly happened - there's no way to view it all from some objective point of view when it's all Rich recalling it.

So rather than focusing on that, she instead asks something that feels more important and productive here. ]

But.. does it make you feel better, thinking about it that way? [ That's the important part here, isn't it? ] Or does it just make you feel worse?

[firewalled]

[The question takes Rich aback, and he has to resist the impulse to go on the defensive for his own crusade of self-hatred. He feels like this always leads to people pitying him, and it irks him to think that no one understands why he just wants to hold on to that blame.

He manages to rein it in, but there's still a hint of bitterness in his tone.]

Don't think it'd make me feel worse than the people I hurt, but it's what I can do.

[He brings his knees up to his chest to rest his forehead against them, voice muffled from between his legs.]

Just forget it, okay? I don't want you feeling bad for me. Everyone already treats me like a charity case for my dad and the burns. I don't need the charity because I bought a stupid supercomputer and got myself fucking brainwashed.

[irrationally]

[ Alice opens her mouth, looking confused.

Then she closes it again, clearly thinking twice about speaking too quickly here, even though she's used to being direct. But clearly - judging by Rich's reactions - being direct is not the right option in this situation, so she has to think of what else to say then. How to word any of this. ]

Is it.. a bad thing to feel sorry for another person where you come from?

[ She doesn't look upset as she says it - just confused. Like Alice genuinely doesn't understand this concept. No one has ever felt sorry for her, so it's just something she can't seem to wrap her mind around. ]