Merriment 18 | Video

[shadowcourage]

Hey. I'm Shadow and new on blue team. So, from my experience, its better that I do stuff regularly. Keep engaged and all that.

So I'm gonna offer a few services.

One, food. It sounds like yer not strapped for getting enough, but there are limitations. I have an ability to make food, so I figure I'll hit up the kitchen everyday and add to the stores a bit. I can't do a ton, but like feed a few extra people's worth a day should be fine. As long as I'm not wiped out for some reason. Probably won't happen after missions. I'll do this shortly before the rainbow colors disappear.

I can also take special meal requests, or help with special diets that are hard to get what ya need. If those apply, find me in the kitchen, or the training gym before hand. I'll be there regularly. If there's no requests, I'll just add what looks good. Probably rarer items or perishables when its close to stock up time. I reserves the right to reject special requests if yer rude.

Two, I was on Diagad before arriving. And its with great debate I offer this, so I don't want to hear a lecture. I know dark magic. Which is not inherently evil, just a tool, just one that makes it real easy to do evil things. And I do know a spell for mind control. No, I'm not explaining the 'tragic backstory'. [Complete with air quotes] For why I know it. But if ya want to learn how to resist mind control, I can help test ya. Ya can bring a person to monitor me, or another mind reader, or check with my brother whose been here weeks for my character. I'm offering a service, I'm not forcing ya to take it, its up to ya to do what makes ya feel safe doing it.

Three, I guess I can also help people with dark magic. No, I'm not teaching the mind control thing.

Four, I know shadow magic. Yes, that's different from dark magic. This take special kind of affinity to go, so not everyone can learn this, but if ya want to try learning, I can see what I can do.

I'm also gonna hit up the fight club training listing, but I figure I'd throw out the weirder stuff now.

Comments

[mustknow]

I don't have much faith in a pattern of deeply ingrained hatred and rage being suddenly broken simply because a stranger chooses to involve himself.

[Xehanort's gaze shifts away, to track along the wall, a muscle in his cheek twitching.]

And it is not going to go very well the next time I am accosted by a self-righteous person eager to berate me for things I haven't done. I'd like to delay that as long as possible, thank you.

[shadowcourage]

....ya would be surprised. [This is the face of someone who has Extensive Experience and he Hates It.] Sometimes it takes an outsider for people to get the message of how idiotic they're being.

I mean if people are giving ya trouble, ya can ask for help because I'm not a fan of people rejecting dark things when they haven't actually done anything yet.

Which is also the answer for problems of memory and rejection.

Ya need some kinda support system.

[mustknow]

[That earns a sharp laugh, but there's no humor in it.]

Oh they already know. They forgive me, after all. They've allowed me a second chance, even though I haven't had a first one. They know I haven't done wrong yet, but what the mind knows and the heart feels are very different things. And I can hear every whisper of their hatred, their terror, their pain. No. It's not I that needs a support system.

[They weren't unjustified, not a one of them. They lived through hell!]

These people I'll do such harm to need it far more. I just need more control, and maybe a bit of sleeping medication.

[shadowcourage]

Pain isn't a zero sum game. Neither is support.

If ya deny yerself support because of guilt, ya risk making similar mistakes.

Having someone on yer side, literally anyone at all, that ya can feel that support from...it makes all the difference in the world.

[mustknow]

They were my support. My friends. Perhaps as close to family as I'd get. There's no-one left, and I can't very well wander about the train asking for hugs.

[Because.. no.]

I can manage without undue socializing. I can. I've gotten this far. I just.. need a better teacher than trial and error when it comes to the power aspect.

[shadowcourage]

....

[There is a long pause, Shadow just staring at him.]

I was the one who started the calamity for my kingdom. The resurgence of Lord Ganon.

[mustknow]

..And how do they see you now? The townsfolk. Your friends, Zelda and the hero.

[He remembered one name!]

Does your friendship remain?

[shadowcourage]

The townsfolk I don't care about. And the story I tell is...very simplified. Not quite a lie, but also not the truth. It makes things easier. ?[He twirls a finger in the air.]

[Two shadows appear on the wall, a girl in a dress and a boy in a tunic.] The thing about heroes is they so often deny the darkness in themselves. They have to be good, they have to be light, they have to be better. But in the end, they're still human too...

[And the boy has a shadow that starts to extend further and further along the floor as the boy and the girl grow taller, into teenagers, the shadow extended to their own feet.] Unfortunately this one was also steeped in magic and a dark lord willing to use anything to hurt him. [And the shadow disconnects and moves to stand next to the other two.] And to the shadow, anything was worth getting what they wanted. If it took destroying everything, then why not? The world didn't care the shadows, so why should they try?

A lot happened. The hero learned a bit of what motivated the shadow. Still killed them because its what the hero had to do. But that is the thing about being connected to the dark lord, he doesn't let you die, especially when you're not exactly restricted by a living body. [The third figure falls to the ground in a weakened state.] Leaves you a very rough state.

The shadow had given up. There was no anger, there was no being 'right.' There was no pride. The shadow as ready to just accept being dead if the dark lord hadn't forced him out. They knew they couldn't get anything they wanted the state they were in.

And it was the first time Zelda saw me for who I really was, instead of all the pomp and bravado I had used. And offered me kindness. And it was enough to change me. And in that change, she kept her hand extended....and so did he. [And the boy and the girl move to the shadow, both taking his hand and helping him stand.] It was when I acted in the way I wanted to really be, over what I thought I had to be in my anger and resentment.

I do not talk about having support because its the cheesy, feel good thing heroes do. Its because I know darkness in a way few others can achieve. The fact is, buried in darkness, bathing in the light, both will blind you if you don't let a little of the other in.

[mustknow]

[A fairytale story. Sweet and pure and simple, motivated if earlier words could be believed, by the power of love. A gentle end for a supposedly monstrous being, just like those charming little tales.

Not a word is said. There were far more unbelievable stories on this train, and yet they were inevitably at least partially true. He waits, expression masked, for the more detailed retelling to reach its conclusion, and for a time remains quiet then too. It's easy enough to push the bitterness aside and weigh it, and draw his own conclusion. Finally, eventually, he shakes his head.]

I am .. pleased to hear your outcome was positive. Or at least seems to be heading that way. But I will note your two friends, your support, reached out to you. If the price for your aid is finding innocent people and attempting to make friends with them with a goal of using them as emotional crutches, no matter how benign or useful such a goal may be .. then.. I must regretfully decline.

The necessity of balance is of course true.. but the price of your methods is too high. I will not involve others. Thank you for your consideration nonetheless.

[Another failure. He shouldn't be surprised, but it stung anyway.]

[shadowcourage]

To be fair, the outcome is that I gave up the ability to be beside them. Zelda reached out on a hunch, but Link only felt safe to after he saw what I was willing to sacrifice for her. [And the figure that was the shadow returned to the floor with a flick of his wrist.] Though honestly, we had expected my actions to result in death, so that was a nice surprise. I could at least know that they got out all right. And that they do remember me. Not the outcome I wanted most...

But considering what I had done before, it was probably more then I deserved. And I had a new way to find happiness after.

[He waves his hand and the shadows vanished.] For the past couple of years, I've been in a place like the train. Nautilus had people from different worlds and different times. I met Zelda's some odd great grandmother and probably my owner's something odd great grandfather. It was very harrowing. Between lies and wanting to be honest and trying to figure out how to not be a terrible person. But that's even dramatics.

[He turns to Xehanort.] I'm not telling ya to hunt people down to make friends. I'm telling ya to keep yer heart open. I'm the last person to tell someone to just go like and trust people, friendship is incredibly difficult. Precisely because it requires sincerity to really take.

But sometimes it can start with a bit of sympathy. And frankly, I don't think there's a person alive who drive me as nuts as Clef, so I'm offering my support. To back ya up when ya need it and smack ya upside the head when ya deserve it.

[mustknow]

[His tone darkens by degrees.]

My cup overflows with people constantly watching for opportunities to 'smack me upside the head' when they think I deserve it. Seven.. perhaps eight? You'd make the ninth? My Master says he's sympathetic and has offered his support, he has even forbidden others from harming me, and yet he asked me to drink poison for him, to save our world from its fate. Because I deserved it.

[The rest of it had been heard, and it would be remembered - Nautilus is a name he hadn't heard, and the rest would sooner or later be relevant--]

I grow weary of laboring under the axe of other people's judgment and punishments. I am tired of running at the whisper of another's rage and flinching at every contact else it suddenly go awry because I did something they don't like and I deserve it. If you truly wish to aid me, then teach me how to master the darkness, and leave the arbitrary judgments aside. Plenty of others are lined up and eager to strike should I misstep. I will not open my heart to yet another person who'll put a knife in it whenever they choose.

[It seems, in spite of the general calm he speaks with and moves with, there is already much terribly awry. Darkness has long since found its hold, but that's par the course for any Xehanort in any time.]

[shadowcourage]

Ya know, at no point did I say I wasn't gonna teach ya. [He looks amused.]

And the difference between me and them, I assume, is I was a dark lord. The whole reason I could rebel is because Lord Ganon didn't have to do more than make an offer, I was acting on my own pretty much from start to finish. He didn't have to force it. So he wasn't ready for to change my mind.

I'm not a good person. Barely a person. An abnormality, actually, I've yet to meet another shadow that wasn't just a feral wild animal. My entire moral compass is based on 'would this upset the people important to me?' So I can't promise friendship because its difficult for me to feel those emotions.

But....sympathy is a start, I've found. So I'd like to try.

And the other thing different between me and them, I assume, is I believe that yer not gonna change overnight. If you fell because of your own volition, it didn't just happen in an instant, on your own. Either some other force outside yourself did something, in which case you need to be saved, or it was little things that built up over time.

I say a smack so you know I'm not always going to agree with ya. Betrayal is something I will never do. But I want ya to discover the things ya want and show the world ya deserve care.

So tell me, what have ya been able to do with darkness so far?

[mustknow]

You also hadn't said you would, and ambiguity tends to suddenly go badly.

[The train has taught many lessons.]

The train has many 'abnormalities' and perhaps it even prefers them. Time... will prove, I suppose, how honest you are about betrayal. [Taking a complete stranger at their word is the absolute height of stupidity, but if he was going to get anywhere, he'd have to at least allow an attempt. And keep very close watch.] While I have no issue with disagreements, if you attack me and I don't feel I 'deserve it', I will fight back.

[Which, by the look of him, won't yet be a terrible threat - the vessel he wore was an expert at combat but he's neglected those skills quite a bit, and spending months doing lab work does not make a fierce fighter. But he'll try!

There's a moment's hesitation.]

... Not much, given the forbidding of practicing it. It comes when I call, but what to do with it eludes me. I feel as if I should already know, and yet all I've really determined is I can use it to enhance basic fire spells into something significantly more unpleasant. If I listen to it, which ... is quite literal, I can track the darkness in others, and encourage it to grow. It has a very distinct sound, and everyone's darkness so far is unique.

[shadowcourage]

Really, now I just wanna talk to these guys because they clearly don't know how to not cause trust issues.

Only fair. I'm not gonna expect ya to take abuse lying down. [He shrugs at that because it IS fair. And, well, he can also be wrong. The important thing was trying to figure it out even with heated heads.]

That tracks, really. Emotions are a constant flux, and with the relation of emotions and darkness, it would make it unique. Ya do have a talent. Getting darkness to exist with any kind of light is difficult. Fire easier then true light, but still not an easy thing to do.

But we can start with simple manipulation and go from there. Making the world around ya darker. It gives ya a grasp on how to manipulate it in the first place and its also a good defensive capability.

[mustknow]

It's not their responsibility. They are the victims, and it is not their job to be gentle and kind to the person who destroyed their lives and worlds. Some remarkable souls can, but they are exceptions.

[Simply calling on darkness and using it to stifle light is more challenging than it probably should be, given the rules of the universe Xehanort comes from. Darkness is often a metaphor, not literal, but he gamely tries anyway, and when he calls on it, needing neither word nor gesture to do so, power responds immediately, eagerly, like a well trained dog to a familiar master.

But it doesn't rise as a fog or stifling darkness, it just ripples along the floor like strange, distorted shadows, then along the train's walls, the ribbons of dark rapidly growing thicker and darker .. but the light's still there.

He frowns at it.]

It doesn't seem much interested in being diffuse.

[how2fog?]