Lan Jingyi (AU) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jingyeets) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
voidtreckernet2021-07-27 08:48 am
jingyeets) wrote in voidtreckernet2021-07-27 08:48 am
video | merriment 15
( Jingyi anchored, and thus he's still tired. Very tired. Flopping between areas and people to nap with kind of tired. It hasn't resolved yet, and he hates that, but he can't let him not get around to important questions.
Which is why he's on camera as crossed legs only, laying down on the bench with the ICP swiveled his direction. It's almost like he's shy... but no, he's not, he's just exhausted. )
Everything was a mess and all of us there had strange illusion things to deal with before things went really bad, but I have a question. About my friend.
( A pause. He does, in fact, literally mean this about a friend. )
Say he was in a situation where... certain boundaries were willingly crossed, but what it meant in the illusion was different from what it means outside of the illusion. And explaining what that means and how it's different is kind of important to the one they were crossed with.
( For both sides, but he's more worried about his friend than he is the other guy, for various biased reasons he has no regrets over. )
How do you handle when people here do casual things with 'dating,' but I'm from—he's from—a place where you definitely don't?
Which is why he's on camera as crossed legs only, laying down on the bench with the ICP swiveled his direction. It's almost like he's shy... but no, he's not, he's just exhausted. )
Everything was a mess and all of us there had strange illusion things to deal with before things went really bad, but I have a question. About my friend.
( A pause. He does, in fact, literally mean this about a friend. )
Say he was in a situation where... certain boundaries were willingly crossed, but what it meant in the illusion was different from what it means outside of the illusion. And explaining what that means and how it's different is kind of important to the one they were crossed with.
( For both sides, but he's more worried about his friend than he is the other guy, for various biased reasons he has no regrets over. )
How do you handle when people here do casual things with 'dating,' but I'm from—he's from—a place where you definitely don't?
LMF poor inigo
Man, you made this bed, let him pull back the covers and invite you to lay down in it. That's plenty gentle. )
I would think the point is, is I want to be nice to you ( okay, true, but also, a little funny, because he knows he's also being a bit of a jackass not giving Inigo an easy way out; ) so it's in my interests to do that. No one said I wasn't selfish.
( He turns his hands palm-up, empty. Sorry, bro, you've gotta get through this feeling bad or otherwise! )
So be selfish for you, too.
( Look in his mind this is also a weird prep talk so??? You've got whatever this is, Inigo! )
you can't talk about PINNING and then not TAKE RESPONSIBILITY my dude!!
But the problem is that Inigo isn't a particularly smart person - and that the chance of anything smart coming from him at all is drastically reduced with every moment he spends as a flustered mess. He doesn't even get that Jingyi might be trying to reassure (??) him or teach him a lesson (??). All he can think about is how awkward this situation is.
Because here is a dude into him. So easily. Which feels impossible?! And over here Inigo is, turning him down?!
He feels crazy.
Maybe he is crazy.
(Maybe he is wildly escalating a situation in his head that's just a misunderstanding.) ]
I.. uh, w-well, I...
[ Inigo eyes the door nervously, as if he's trying to calculate his chances of just running away. Jingyi is so tired, he'd never catch up to him! .. but then again, it's kind of sad to do that to someone you're rejecting, huh. ]
I already like someone..!
[ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
WHERE'S THE BUTTON FOR THE EMERGENCY 'BEING SHOT OUT INTO THE VOID BY THE BUNK YOU'RE SITTING ON' OPTION? ]
so really is just the start of inigo's harem daydreams, live your best life bro--
Ah, and he's bad with sharing.
( That comes out, mostly a jest. Also blinked off because it's like realising his normally minimal filter is even more off the road, and his brain is too slow to catch up to his mouth.
Far more importantly, and the reason why his tailtip curls into a tight, curious arc, is that Lan Jingyi enjoys a particular brand of gossip.
This is definitely on that brand. )
That's good though, right? You should have someone you care about. Who is he?
( Exactly on the brand that the guy who mostly looks like some mix of tired, curious, and interested rather than heartbroken: it's like an early warning system he didn't have to invest in to say NO DON'T DO IT YOU'RE HEADING FOR A BAD TIME, but really, had he noticed he was starting to care like that, this would have come up eventually.
Then... wait. )
You've told him, right?
( The firsts keep stacking up, because not only is this his first rejection, and before his first confession, it's the first time anyone around him has been in that kind of like with someone and brought it up, and he's kind of oddly proud of Inigo for coming forward with it. You go, Inigo!
... You are going with your heart, right? )
yes, time to imagine jingyi kabedonning him
Oh, no, because his focus is taken up entirely by the things Jingyi says. Every single one of those statements and questions drags an even louder mental ugh from him, all the way until the other guy arrives at that last question.
'You've told him, right?' You've told him, right?
As if Inigo hasn't imagined telling his crush it ten thousand times over, each more terrible than the last!!
He lets out a sigh that sounds like his soul is quite literally leaving his body, before he just drops his face forward, straight into his hands. ]
You have absolutely no idea just how many reasons there are why I can't ever tell him how I feel!
jgdjgd don't let your dreams stay dreams, there's always a nonsense way
Why do people make their lives complicated? Clearly mystery man matters, or else why run over in a fluster to turn down someone who hadn't... been trying to whatever him. It would be funnier if the soul ending sigh didn't instead make him tired. )
Not until you tell me, I won't. So talk! You've got my full attention.
( up to the point where he passes out, at least, forgive him. He lets his tail flop down to the floor, a living line of scales and fur. Ugh... he needs to do a full brushing soon... )
I can start guessing, but that seems dumb with you right here.
one day we'll make it happen
So he has to be honest. Which is hard, because he's never said any of this out loud, no matter how often he's turned the thoughts over and over inside of his own head.
It makes him sigh again as he finally raises his face from his hands, looking kind of miserable, despite not even being in a similar exhausted state to Jingyi. ]
Because there's already a girl who's really important to him. And even though they can probably never be together again [ - honestly, using the word 'probably' there is generous when it could be left out, but Inigo likes to have some hope for his crush's happiness - ] there's just no way I could ever take her place.
we will, i believe in shenanigan potentials
Also, Inigo assuming what people feel, and why, and how he fits into it are pretty obviously... not based on freaking asking in direct words. Case in point, the reason why he'd rushed over here! )
Inigo, why do you keep making other people's decisions for them? Why do you think people replace each other instead of add up to even more people being in someone's heart? That's dumb.
( Wait, pause, here's the late diplomacy check: )
Is that what you do? Keep replacing people in your heart based on how well they stack up compared to the ones you've lost?
( He sounds dubious. He sounds so dubious about this potentially new insight. )
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[ It's said quick, almost offended. There's definitely something both flustered and frustrated in Inigo's tone, exactly because all of this is such a sensitive issue. And he knows that this is just Jingyi being who he is - blunt, mostly, extremely direct - but it still just feels bad to be confronted with that first thing when it's already so hard for Inigo to open up about any of this. ]
L-Listen, you have to be gentle with me on this topic, okay? [ Because he feels like this is probably.. something he needs to communicate with Jingyi, or the other will bulldozer straight over him. While all of this is already terrifying.
Even his hands can't stop fretting. A hand through his hair, then nervously scratching at his neck. ]
You'd get it if you had seen him talk about her. She's his entire world. If you want to put it in terms of space in someone's heart, then it's like.. like she takes up so much space that there's just no room for anyone else in that sort of way.
[ Inigo slowly breathes out, trying to keep it from sounding too shakey and failing hard. ]
.. especially a guy.
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One he knows better with people he's known for years, but that much means he can listen now. A good few seconds lagging to what would be more normal, but as his brain catches up, he sighs, shoves off his bunk, and kind of looks at Inigo, for the first time here feeling awkward. )
May I sit down?
( On his roommate's bunk, which he'll haphazardly smooth out the blanket for when Inigo ends up leaving. ... If he doesn't also fall asleep on it, trying. We're sorry, roommates. Roll him to the side, he sleeps on floors very nicely, too! )
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Mostly since he's surprised, since his jaw is slightly hanging open.
Then he quickly nods, seeming kind of flustered. (Still?) ]
O-Of course! [ He's already scooting over as he says it, making room for Jingyi. Perhaps a little bit more room than necessary, as if he's overcompensating.
Inigo's gaze was already nervous, with something sad in it too, but now it's apologetic as well. ]
.. sorry, did I say too much?
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(Jingyi thinks everything is tiring about now.) )
Huh? No, why are you apologising?
( There would be reasons, for other things in this madcap adventure that still feels like a fever dream, but he waves one hand with all the strength of literally just flopping his hand around, settling it back on his tail after with a long sigh of his own. )
I'm trying to understand. Since you asked me to be gentle.
( Why is that the correlation. Why is this the case. )
So... you're worried he doesn't like guys, since the important person in his heart was a lady. You're also worried he loves her too much to have room for anyone else.
( With a touch of dry humour, he asks: )
You sure you don't think he's a Lan?
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I don't think people adhere by those kinds of strict dating rules where he's from. [ Inigo lightly jokes in return.
He's trying. Especially since he realises Jingyi is being so kind to him here. Hearing him out even though the other is tired, trying to be gentle with Inigo after he asked for it. It means he has to do his own part too. ]
But.. yeah. Even aside from that specific girl.. I don't know how he feels about the idea of having something like that with a guy in general. He already found it odd the first time I asked him for a hug. [ Like it's weird for two guys to hug each other! Please! It sure isn't in Inigo's little mental world. ] So it doesn't seem very likely that he's ever thought of getting together with a guy.
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He listens, rolling the words around in his head, slightly squinting as he tries to process. There are also culture divides, and things he might say if he were better rested, but as he's not, and as he's tiring again off the whole odd dance of being rejected for a love he didn't have, which was still cute, but a bit misguided: he keeps it simple. )
Do you want me just listening, right now? No thoughts on what to do? Or advice, stuff like that.
( What does be gentle consist of for Inigo? He also rubs his face with one hand, then leans forward, planting his elbow beyond his tail and on his knee, cradling his cheek so he can lazily look sideways at his friend. )
You gonna say who it is?
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Inigo pauses, glancing over at Jingyi, and then adds: ] Just lean against me if you need it.
[ Since he's tired! It's ok, bro, Inigo's got you. Especially since they're sitting side by side now, it just seems like a waste to force Jingyi to keep sitting up when he's just a tired blob. ]
But I don't really feel like there's a solution to this. Other than just owning up to it, but.. that would just ruin our friendship. [ And that's the last thing Inigo wants. He can't handle that on top of all the other misery this train throws into his lap. He sucks in a breath, and then, as if sighing the name out: ] Since it's Tidus.
[ And he's not sure if Jingyi noticed, since he's still relatively new, but Inigo thinks a lot of people on the train would know how inseperatable the two of them tend to be. ]
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Harder imagining being the one confessed to, if only because until this last month, he's been surrounded by his clan most of his life. If it was from another branch, he... would have complicated thoughts, because of how they love, but he likes to think that past an initial surprise, he'd sort through what it might mean, or what it won't.
He's way too tired to figure out the romantic lives he doesn't have. He also thinks... )
Tidus? He seems like a good guy... maybe not into adoption, but whatever.
( From passing conversations and awareness he's also one of the long term abductees. Though the second comment is a hazily recalled text conversation in illusion, and sounds about as random as it is. Jingyi makes himself sit up, back to propping his hands on his tail when he sways a bit. )
I could... ask him, not about you, but about the guys thing. You did just kind of call me a cut sleeve... to the whole train.
( A huff, not amused or unamused. Just noting that anyone who figured out Inigo's panic when Jingyi was oblivious had possibly drawn their own conclusions. )
I guess to me it's... is he that much of a jerk he wouldn't be your friend after, if he didn't end up feeling the same way? ... If you... you haven't pressed him up against anything to kiss him yet, it's not like you suddenly will just 'cause you open up to him. He's your friend, your closest one.
( He squints, because he thinks that's the implication? He's rambling by now, stream of consciousness style. )
He knows you. Even if it was awkward for a moment... you both still care, right? And in better cases... in those cases, you open his eyes to something he didn't realise he could consider in the first place.
( This feels like a pre game to talking with Dennis, only from the opposite side of who isn't saying what. He's also listing to the other side, and his voice has been getting progressively more gravelly with tired. )
Why do you believe so strongly... you're gonna lose him entirely?
cw: mentions of sex, nothing graphic, just very vaguely nsfw!!!
Well, it's probably not the best idea to ask that right now - not while the other is tired and probably already has enough trouble just keeping his mind on one thing at a times. This isn't the sort of conversation he can just derail like that. Even though Inigo honestly isn't sure what to even say in the face of all of that, the waterfall of opinions and ideas coming from the other.
Though one thing does become rapidly clear from some things he says. Jingyi definitely doesn't have the full image. Because Inigo hasn't offered up said full image yet. He didn't think he'd have to, and he wasn't planning on doing so, since it's kind of embarrassing.. But a lot of the advice doesn't really apply when the other doesn't know about it.
So Inigo sucks in a deep breath, prepared to feel like the dumbest guy in the world when he says: ]
We already have sex.
[ Yes. Even though Inigo is worried about confessing his feelings-- look, it's complicated! This is why he was trying to be vague!
(So, yes, actually, people have been pressed up against stuff to be kissed.) ]
So the situation is a little less simple than that. [ Than just being best friends, one of whom happens to have a crush. ]
likely just consider that to apply in vague and going forward
To catch himself with his thoughts a nest of flailing confusion, he thrusts out his hand at the floor. Instead of fully pitching off the bed to his hands and knees, which wouldn't have hurt and might even have temporarily helped him wake up, he raw focus tosses wind at that angle, enough to catch himself, give him some kickback from the summoning, and leave his actual bunk with pushed back sheets and blanket and the whole cabin in a brief, surprising whirlwind that fades within seconds.
There's a full tired whine in Jingyi's voice when he's looking with obvious confused distress to Inigo, hair still fluttering in the dissipating gust of wind. He wants to understand, but he's definitely not getting it, and he's not sure if that's just being tired or not. )
Iniigooo, explaaain?
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It's not even that Inigo hasn't seen people use wind magic before. One of his friends back home could use it! But right now? Here? In the middle of this conversation? Inigo hardly even notices the fact that the other almost fell down, because he's way too busy being confused and startled about what just happened - even as his own shorter hair also stops turning this and that way in the sudden strong wind.
He would have been left speechless at that question in general - how does one explain that, especially to someone with Jingyi's ideas about love - but this sure doesn't help. There's a good few moments that consist of nothing but awkward silence as they stare at each other.
But then Inigo finally seems to find his words again. ]
I-I don't know?! [ Perhaps sounding a bit panicked, considering he's still confused about what just happened.. This is too much for his peanut sized brain. ]
He just.. He just wanted to do that with someone, and I-- I thought that since I liked him, I might as well, since then I could.. pretend..
[ Inigo can feel his face getting hotter and hotter, especially when he realises how desperate that sounds. He quickly shakes his head. ]
I know it's dumb, alright..!
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Which, yes, well, what the actual what? It's not that sex as a need or a curiosity is beyond Lan Jingyi, it's not. He's no saint, he's read things, he has hands, life is great, we all get on well doing whatever it is we do. He wouldn't even be surprised if people did this in other clans, kind of a one off thing with someone? Or something? Most the world is not Lan, and he's not going to tell people to be Lan restrained, that's dumb.
But he's also from a world with brothels, and his mind blanks out for a moment because that seems like the... worst... way... of getting laid. "I'm curious, who wants to sleep with me! Oh yes my best friend here that's totally going to keep us platonic." He's probably missing context, he's only on a minor adrenaline high from having used wind to stop himself from falling, and: no, he doesn't get it.
But at least Inigo knows that he kind of shot an arrow into his own knee over this, too, so that's... something? )
I, uh, okay. But he said yes. Do people just get that kind of intimate with their best friends around here?! Or in both your worlds?
( So helplessly confused looking here, his three world views are taking a heck of a thrashing. )
Has he been trying to do this with a lot of people? Does he casually go around asking for sex? Is it just with you? I swear this sounds just like the stupid dating everyone talks about, only neither one of you've actually said the words!
( None of this sounds like an accusation when he's saying it, his streak of absolute confusion is strong here. )
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No, it's not-- it's not like that! [ It's not that sleeping with your best friend is a regular thing back home for either of them - if not just because Inigo's best friend is also his cousin. It's not that Tidus has done this with more people than him.. he thinks?! And no, they aren't dating, if only they were!!
Inigo rubs his face helplessly. ]
I think he just asked me specifically b-because he trusts me. To not.. get strange about it.
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One moment, brain catching up with itself. Braining, braining... and Jingyi sighs.
What it does say to him is yes, there's a lot of trust. But also many more tangled emotions, and yet, that's... ultimately Inigo and Tidus's business. On that, he's emphatically clear. )
You think, but you don't know, 'cause you didn't ask.
( He rubs his forehead, and then flops over, sort of, nudging Inigo's shoulder with his. He's giving up on wrapping his head around it. He'll just accept it, because it is what's going on, and tiredly get out the rest of what he thinks matters. )
Right, right, I know, there's not anything I can do—that's up to you and him. I hope you feel up to talking to him sooner and not later, but... until then, you can talk with me, you know? I'm better at secrets than people assume, and if you tell me at the start you need me just to listen, I even shut up.
( He turns one hand palm up, like he's offering that intel in his tired, matter of fact way, aware that people think he's a chatterbox. He can be, but he can live fine in silence, too, especially when a friend needs it. Besides, Inigo panicked over here thinking Jingyi was talking about himself, then them, where-as the names of who he had been talking about remain off-ICP. )
I'm your friend, Inigo. I want you to be happy. When you can't be, I'll listen. Who knows, maybe talking about it long enough means you'll figure something out eventually. Sizhui does better when he can talk it out, at least. Even if it doesn't solve everything, at least you don't have to store your misery inside all alone.
( That's what friends are for, in his opinion. Making sure you're not alone in your worst moments, even when they can't resolve the cause of that moment for you. There's also a slew of pretty not-hilarious parallels with this and what his younger, but also oldest, but also younger and also Inigo's age at present best-friend from a realm adjacent to the one Jingyi knows is handling, on a less, er, intimate. Level. )
Let me help share this burden. It won't break my back.
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[ It's the only sound that leaves Inigo after hearing all of that. He's just.. staring, growing quiet again for a moment. It's not that Jingyi said anything bad - no, it's the exact opposite. The other is saying so many good things here that Inigo truly doesn't know how to deal with it. He can only feel his cheeks growing hotter and hotter with all the kindness that's being thrown his way here.
How is he ever supposed to repay something like that? ]
.. thank you. So much. [ He says, his voice more quiet. His tone more touched.
The reason for the latter becomes readily apparent when he lifts his head, tears in his eyes. ]
It's-- It's really nice of you to offer that. Especially since I know this problem is just really dumb. And not even of interest to anyone other than me. [ Who else cares about Inigo's carwreck of a love life, really. ] You're such a good friend, and I'm..
[ He reaches up to rub as his eyes with his hand. ]
I'm so sorry for making things so awkward.
[ By turning Jingyi down, he means.
But ironically enough, the apology still fits within the actual situation of him having made things awkward with his wrong assumption. ]
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'S'fine.
( He sighs, shifting his arm so the shoulder that'd been resting against Inigo's turns into an arm that pats the back of his shoulder, pat pat, then just stays pressed there. He's feeling too heavy to be aware and awake again, but he concentrates on breathing through it. Exhaustion at some point settles down beneath his skin, with its own weight. )
Think you've needed t'say this for a long time.
( Be awkward, be emotional, be whatever you need to be. He supports that, as long as it's not "what you need to be is cruel," because then he does not support that at all. )
But, 'gogo...
( He is really, truly struggling to keep his eyes open now that the adrenaline of his wind blast has fled his system, dropping him down even lower than earlier. )
'M gonna fall 'sleep 'gain.
( Murmured and softened, more syrupy sweet in cadence and tone as sleep drags at his senses. Not quite a way to translate a dialect shift, but it's something, at least. )
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Right. He's already taken up too much of Jingyi's time, especially when the other is still trying to recover from the mission. Inigo lets out a faint breath, and then something slowly occurs to him - a way to potentially start paying the other back for his kindness.
Not that he's sure this is something the other needs, but.. well, it's helped other people before, so Inigo figures the least he can do is offer. ]
Sure. Do you need a nap buddy?
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Feeling like it's too much effort to open his eyes, he just asks: )
Dragon?
( Secret: nap buddy human Lan Jingyi sleeps like the dead.
Right on his back, arms crossed over his chest, not moving. Dragon, he's an all around tiny, snuggly mess, though as his normal size, the sheer bulk of himself means he usually settles down for one position too. )
Won't notice 'n you leave.
( No danger to it, so he's unlikely to stir. Inigo doesn't need to stay. )
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