[Video] Kazoo 1

[ayao]

[Since he enjoys cooking, he can be found in the kitchen, following through on the chore set for his team. While he waits on various ingredients to thaw, he addresses the train as a whole:]

To those who are new to our ranks, welcome. To those who have lost loved ones, I hope my soup will bring you some comfort.

[His hands are light and gentle as he adds broth into a pot. He is also good with a knife. A little too good.]

My name is Meng Yao and I am happy to keep you company if you feel lonely. I know many stories that could, for a time, distract you from your pain.

Comments

much <3

[lanxichen]

[ Xichen's blade stills for a moment, but it's thoughtful, not surprised - and definitely not in a bad way. ]

When you say not threatening, you mean in a way that would affect the illness of the mind that you found materials about?

[ Because he knows he does not mean da ge. Not in this context. ]

:)

[ayao]

[He takes a step closer to the other man, peering up into his face.]

I have given up on my ambitions, Zewu-Jun. If the illness exists, I must be aware of it. I must understand it. No one on this train has made me feel...defensive.

That is a start.

[lanxichen]

[ Xichen shakes his head immediately in denial of the suspicion, then takes a breath, considers, then shakes it again slower, more composed. ]

I did not mean to imply you have not given them up, merely asking for confirmation.

As with illness of the body, there are people to help and take care of the patient - so I am sure it is with an illness of the mind. While nobody can touch it but yourself, expecting you to do everything to facilitate the healing would be...

Unfair.

[ayao]

[He loves being near Xichen. Something deep within him settles when he sees that handsome face. He believes he can keep himself in check. For Mingjue. For Huaisang. For Xichen.]

You have spent time with me. [He drops his gaze, flushing.] Think of that as a splint or a bandage. Your kindness holds me together and I am grateful.

[lanxichen]

[ Xichen lowers his eyes, but after a brief pause, his hand resumes the chopping of vegetables with absolute precision. ]

If I can help... I am glad.

[ Trusting ... is not going to be easy. But this much is true. ]

[ayao]

You do. [And if that helps Xichen, he will repeat those words daily. They are true. Without Xichen, everything would be much harder and darker.]

We are drawn to certain points of light, I believe. You are mine.

[lanxichen]

[ Xichen's chest tightens, helplessly. Even now... even knowing how things turn out. That however much of a light he is, he gets kept in the dark - that he's not allowed to help.

Here and now... this is what they have.

Still, he tilts his head slightly to the side. ]

Even as I am now? Does... this make it harder on you?

[ayao]

[He stops what he is doing and turns to face Xichen. His gaze is piercing and yet there is something tender about his smile.]

I will take you as you are, as you were and as you will be. I accept all of you.

[lanxichen]

... A-Yao.

[ It's so, so soft, and yet it catches and rasps in Xichen's throat.

He closes his eyes, then focuses them down on the table in front of him. ]

I do, too, you know. [ Slowly, he looks back up. ] There are choices that I would not let you make again. There are things that I would do anything to stop you from doing.

But even the you who had made those choices, who had done those things. Even knowing that he would not change, even angry as I was over everything.

Even knowing that he had never allowed me to see the real you.

I could not hate him. I would not reject him.

Nor you.

[ayao]

[He can't deny how those words grab his heart and refuse to let go. Meng Yao touches his chest and inclines his head, letting Xichen's feelings sink deep and fortify him. He wants to give this man the best and brightest future - and if said future includes him, he thinks himself exceptionally blessed.]

I am yours to guide. I am...

[He glances up, quick and shy, cheeks pinking.]

yours. [Whether he is good or evil, that is a truth that has never changed.]

[lanxichen]

[ Xichen lowers his eyes again. But then he gently wipes his hand clean, and reaches up, to rest his hand on top of Meng Yao's head, petting lightly. ]

Your are worthy of being your own person. Not belonging to anyone. But...

I will not turn you away.

[ayao]

I devote myself to you freely. [He leans into the touch, hoping, perhaps a bit ridiculously, that his hair is soft under Xichen's fingers.] If I could belong to you, I would be at peace.

[lanxichen]

It...

[ Xichen does not know what to do with something like this. He has always thought people equals, equally deserving to have their stories heard, and judged by their choices ... so this devoting, while it stirs his heart with softness, it perplexes his mind. ]

If someone devotes themselves to you, as you are doing now, what would you do?

[ So perhaps clearing the expectations might be a good idea. ]

[ayao]

[His cheeks flush at the question and his gaze is suddenly fixed on the floor at their feet. Or maybe near the other man's waist. What would he do?]

The honor would be overwhelming to someone like me. I would do all in my power to care for them, protect them and guide them.

[He swallows and adds hoarsely:]

You already fulfill those roles towards me. It is my duty - and pleasure - to give my devotion and my sworn word to never betray you; to never hurt you.

[lanxichen]

Ah, Meng Yao, Meng Yao...

[ Xichen can't keep the formality of young master Meng anymore, his defenses against this man have never been good even when he is trying to not fall under the spell deliberately.

But he is aware that if he keeps calling him A-Yao, he will put him into danger.

Jin Guangyao is not the only one who lost Xichen's trust that night. ]

All right, then. I will do my best, but - please. Do not swear. Simply do it. I have... too many shards of broken oaths at my feet, any more oaths will only make the cuts worse.

[ayao]

[The sound of his name sends shivers down his back and he can't help leaning in closer, fixated on Xichen. He will do anything for the other man. Anything. He's miserable thinking about how much pain he has caused...or, will cause, rather.

Do not swear. Simply do it.

Alright. Meng Yao strengthens his resolve and stands on his toes, pressing a fleeting kiss to Xichen's lips. If action speaks louder, let his actions on this train scream the truth.]

[lanxichen]

[ Xichen stills, eyes growing very wide and a little more... broken, and his hands reach up to settle on Meng Yao's shoulders, not quite pushing him away but not drawing him close either.

It takes a long moment for him to. Unfreeze and start processing. ]

This...

This is something that will put you into danger if it happens.

[ He can't even touch his own feelings on the matter yet. So he is resorting to objective truths. And he is absolutely serious when saying this - not making an excuse. ]

[ayao]

[He tips his head back, those hands warm and solid on his shoulders. He doesn't want Xichen to stop touching him - he is weak for any contact (even if the other struck him).]

I am not afraid of danger. [Meng Yao sets his jaw, determined.] You are worth any risk. I can keep discreet; all that matters is you know how I feel for you.

[The world - any world - doesn't need to intrude. He will bar them and keep this precious secret to himself.]