video jelly 26 (cw: mentions of child abuse, other triggering topics likely)

[blue_ice]

[ Kaiba is blissfully, thankfully, 19 again. Back to normal, back to work...except for one thing. ]

Everyone recovered from the children running amok? Good. As one of the rowdy kids, I cleaned up what was left of my mess. Thanks for looking out for me, those who did.



[ And then his voice softens a little quiet and thoughtful. ]

And on a more awkward personal note? If I alarmed you with my demeanor at that age, you can quit worrying. 'Father' hasn't been in my life for years. I've surpassed him, and I'm not the person he molded me into anymore. But on reflection, I realized I'm not the only one who's had memories of that nature resurface. When the memories of childhood are suddenly fresh, the whiplash can be unnerving.

So I have a small proposal for all of you: a ceremonial burying of the past. You don't have to share anything you don't want to, but it might be cathartic, to draw or write up a representation of whatever baggage got dredged up and destroy it. Or you could talk to someone the old-fashioned way, I'm not gonna police it.

Where you came from doesn't have to define you. But it's still part of you, and if it's still causing pain, it's worth trying to exorcise it. I'm in the rock garden if anyone wants to join me.

Comments

[bakegarasu]

... Yours too, huh?

[blue_ice]

Assuming you mean the man who was 'father'... seems to be a more common issue than I'd like it to be. Something about adversity making us hero material?

I don't know.

[bakegarasu]

Oh. Heh. Mine wasn't making me hero material. Mine was just making me a weapon. Something he could show off and hurt and wield for his own amusement and benefit.

[blue_ice]

...oh, right. What I meant was I became a monster back then. I don't regret what I accomplished, but I'm not proud of how it was done.

I was just wondering why it's so common with people who are called to the train. But I get it. The things you do...there's a point of no return, or at least it feels that way.

[bakegarasu]

Oh.

... I don't know. I don't... most of the things I did were against terrible people, but I still did it because of terrible people. So I don't know if that makes it worse or better.

[blue_ice]

I'd say better, probably. Lashing out against innocents is worse.

But it still sticks with you.

[bakegarasu]

Yeah. ... Well. The killing doesn't. I lost track. But the whole... situation.

[blue_ice]

[ Hey, it's another heavy weight. He nods grimly. ]

Want to come destroy something?

[bakegarasu]

I'm pretty much always up for that. What do you have in mind?

[blue_ice]

Piece of paper or a cloth, with whatever you want to bury written on it. Then shred it or burn it or...whatever. I'm making a destruction pit here in the rock garden.

[bakegarasu]

... Works for me.

[Not enough, but still.]

Gonna be okay to burn stuff? Given the enclosed space.

[blue_ice]

That's what fire pits are for. Easily contained. I built the walls high, and I have an extinguisher with me.

[bakegarasu]

Guess that's fair.

I'll be there soon.

[>action]

[blue_ice]

[ Kaiba is kneeling over a small metal bowl he's claimed, a few shreds of paper already inside. He has his notebook out as he writes out all he remembers from that day, and lifts a head at the sound of footsteps. ]

Ready to let it burn?

[bakegarasu]

[Otoha chuckles at the question and nods. With some of his scars...]

'Burn' is appropriate. It's... never mind. Long and depressing story.

[Not one he wants to get into now, with someone he barely knows.]

Let me write up something.

[He pulls out his notebook and a pen and starts writing something down - it's a list of names. It takes a minute or so with some stops and starts before he pulls the paper out of the notebook. He then takes a little bit to write his father's name, the kanji clear and precise, before pulling out that page, too.]

[blue_ice]

[ Seto is polite enough to turn away while he writes. ]

I'm not going to ask what you chose. But in vague terms...these are some old chains I'm trying to break. I tried everything except talking about it, heh.

[bakegarasu]

... Talking about it is new for me, too. I... didn't really see anything wrong with it for a long time. Sometimes I still don't, even though I know that's wrong.

[foxyou]

...Is there really any point to a thing like that?

[blue_ice]

[ Ha. Sounds like the him from a few months ago. ]

Burying it didn't help. Took me a long time to realize that. So I'm trying something new.

[foxyou]

The events of the past can't be forgotten simply by destroying a piece of paper. And I doubt any attempts to erase them from the minds of whoever met us yesterday would be seen kindly by the remainder of the population.

[Never forgive, never forget! That's his motto!]

[blue_ice]

Of course not. But the power they hold over us...it's one way to move on.

And who said anything about erasing memories? Is that even possible?

[ Please don't tell him it is. ]

[foxyou]

Who said I meant it literally?

[A scoff.]

But if you can move on just from...talking about it, or burning paper-- [ugh he doesn't know how to word this. Does he even want to? Whatever.] It's ridiculous.

[blue_ice]

It's not the only thing I'm doing. But getting it out of my head seems to help.

You keep it in your head, you focus on the should've, would've, could've. I've done that too long.

[foxyou]

Good for you then. I'm sure your life is much more enjoyable now that you've freed yourself of such things.

[mynameisallen]

[Kaiba... Kaiba do you really want to know the shit Allen keeps buried?]

Honestly. Until this all happened I had honestly moved on from the way I was. Sure I remember and remind myself it's a part of who I am but at the same time, I don't see the point in lingering either.

But in all honesty... That part of my life was never great because of the way I was treated by most people. So I didn't like going back to it.

[blue_ice]

Neither do I. It just...kept coming back when I didn't want it to.

Which is why I'm symbolically destroying it. In a way that's easier than blowing up a tower.

[mynameisallen]

I'm surprised mine actually came back but... considering things always happen, I should have expected this possibility. But even though I am used to worlds and trains pulling stuff like this... Still get surprised.

But I guess this was also the sign to actually... speak to those I'm close to about the me they met anyway. I am meant to be opening up anyway.

[blue_ice]

Hey, I'm not going to knock you for taking a while. Opening up leaves you vulnerable to attack. I avoided it for years. Couldn't trust, too much risk.

But as long as you have someone, or a few someones...you'll make it.

[mynameisallen]

I guess it is a trust thing.

[For him it was more it was a hard subject because of everything that happened. Plus why did they need to know when it was in the past. But this did bring up the fact it was and is apart of them.]

I know. It's something I've had to have yelled at me a good number of times. Much like being told to take better care of myself. The people who care will understand.

Voice

[mtsilver_conquor]

That's- probably a good idea for a lot of us, yeah.

[Eva, he means you too...]

Voice

[blue_ice]

Do you want to come?

Voice

[mtsilver_conquor]

I-

[The startle's small, but very much a tell to anyone who knows her.]

Sure. Someone needs to keep you company, right?

Video

[firewalled]

...Fuckin' dads, right? I'm sorry you had to deal with that. You, uh, weren't exactly the only one.

[He doesn't think he ran into Kaiba while he was younger, but considering the number of people who already found out anyways...]

That sounds like a good idea, though. I might come by, if you don't mind having me as company.

Video

[blue_ice]

Everyone's welcome. People who treat the children they pledged to care for that way are the lowest of lowlifes.

Bring some paper from your notebook, I have the trash disposal set up.

Video

[firewalled]

Yeah. Coincidentally, did you know 'blood is thicker than water' originally had the opposite meaning? That bonds with people outside your family are more important? Just thought that was interesting. But I'm on my way.

[He comes with his notebook (might as well make sure he has all the paper he needs) and a pen, but not much else. Maybe if his dog tags were here, he'd find some way to get rid of those, too, but at the moment, he's just left with his thoughts.]

>action

[blue_ice]

Huh. I love my brother more than anyone, but. It's something to think about.

[ Seto greets him with a wave. He's standing over the pit, where ripped pieces of paper line a bucket. ]

Hey. You ready?

[firewalled]

About as ready as I could be, considering the subject.

[He still gives Seto a warm smile, before looking down at the bucket with a slightly guarded look.]

[blue_ice]

Alright. Let it rip.

[ He's shredding his and dropping them, to demonstrate.

My father, and every mark he left.

[firewalled]

[Rich pulls out his own piece of paper, looking over the letter he wrote. His hands shake a little when he sees some of the words... but he tears it in half.

He keeps tearing it bit by bit, eventually speaking.]

...You're lucky you got away from him.

[Rich still needs to track down his escape route.]

[blue_ice]

It didn't solve everything. Not even close. But...

[ He sighs deeply. ]

If I could do anything about your problem, I would. No one deserves that kind of life.

[firewalled]

No. You don't have to do anything. This is... something I can figure out on my own.

...Or that's what he'd say, anyways. Man up and pull up your own bootstraps, or whatever toxic bullshit he's on.

[He laughs, even if there's no humour behind it.]

I'm talking with a social worker, though. We'll... see if that goes well once I get back.