video

[sos_pilot]

[ The video is late at night - not too late to wake a bunch of people up, but it's definitely different than Della's usual videos where it's an earlier time. Not to mention she kinda... looks like hell. Bags under her eyes, all the usual signs of exhaustion - but it's more than that. She actually looks emotionally beat up. ]

... Hey, guys. I figured I owed a bunch of you an explanation about my behavior last mission. Look, I know a lot of the time I'm all "woo, adventure, let's beat up monsters, yeah!" everywhere we go, but last time I was more... out of control. Not listening to anyone, still trying to fight even when I was literally falling apart... and I am sorry. I shouldn't have to make you guys worry more than you already have to, especially in the middle of a dangerous fight.

... Here's the deal. All of you are amazing, you have to know that on some level. You've got super powers, you've got metal bodies, you've got magic, and even of those of you who are about to say "Oh, I'm just some ordinary human" - you're not. So many of you have amazing abilities with your weapons, brilliant minds that have led kingdoms and companies, you're all wonderful, and should be so proud of yourself. I'm proud of each and every single one of you.

... And all I can do is land a solid punch every now and then. Back home, I... I was on a team. My family. They all had their own special talents too, and when I finally came home, maybe some part of me wondered... if they really needed me after all, since they'd done so well without me for ten years. And now, here I am, and I can't even do the one thing I at least KNOW I'm good at, being a pilot. Here, I'm just... me.

[ She sighs, taking off her pilot's cap to run a hand through her hair. ]

Dang, I didn't mean to ramble. Just... I'm sorry. I'll try to make sure it won't happen again.

... 'Night, guys.

[ For anyone wanting to check in on her, she can be found in the lower-carriage of the library, wordlessly thumbing through her copy of the Junior Woodchuck Guide, though not really reading it. ]

Comments

[blitzcheer]

[ He's trying to think, but...? ]

Weren't you the one who saved me last time? You jumped those demon guys and pulverised them with your leg! And you took on those giants back on Irivar? I wasn't there, [ at least, not often--just once, ] but Roland told me about that club of yours he was saving for you.

And we worked pretty well together in that weird fake...tree world.

[sos_pilot]

... Heh. Y'know, that's not such a bad idea.

[ It wouldn't directly cure her of all the deeper issues she has, but... it'd be nice. ]

... I'd really love to show everyone the thing I love most in the world. Might bring us all a little closer, or... something like that.

[helborn]

Two things, then. ‘Cause I’ll sit right here and tell you one right now - you care about people. Deeply, or you wouldn’t have gone out of your way to make badges for people and tell them to be proud of themselves. And that’s a trait that’s more common than I used to think but still much rarer than I’d like.

Your turn.

[And true to his word, he plops down on the floor next to her chair.]

[sos_pilot]

... Yeah. But sometimes my best isn't good enough.

[ A deep, deep inhale. ]

Look, I'm not... trying to shoot you down, or constantly sound negative. I swear. It's just... a little harder right now to accept all the positive vibes.

[sos_pilot]

[ She glances up when she hears a familiar voice and, being polite, puts aside the guidebook. ]

... I take it you heard the whole thing?

[sos_pilot]

[ Ah, crud. She didn't mean to wake up any actual kids. Now she feels worse. ]

Y-Yeah, I know, I know... don't worry about it. Go back to sleep, okay?

[sos_pilot]

So you can only do it once in a while?

[ della are you avoiding your issues by distraction ]

[yondu]

[He's of the mindset that things being a little nicer is the best one can pull off sometimes. She's got the more healthy mindset of being upfront about her problems and taking them on and admitting them. But this is the best he can do, and the best he can offer.]

Figure we need a little bit more world than just bein' cooped up on a train, an' gettin' worked an' all riled up when we're off of it. Might take a while but I'll start savin' some shit up.

[Sorry, Della, he's got a potty mouth.]

[dreamtamer]

[Takato was still concerned over what she had said earlier, but if she wanted to talk about this instead, then that was okay too.]

Well, I guess it isn't anything like a time limit or anything. If someone attacked right now and we were needed, we would change. [He pauses, thinking.]

I guess its more like... Dukemon is both of us together. Its our belief in each other and in what we need to do that gives Dukemon strength.

[And even if they didn't usually take physical injuries, they still felt the pain and the strain from using all of that energy in their minds. ]

I think... we're just not used to staying like that for very long. So we're really tired after all that fighting.

[myblueskies]

But you're sad and your spirits are all down. [So how could he sleep? When he knows there is someone who needs help?]

I got a bit sad on the mission too, because I'm s'posed to be mister Zetta's shinki but I couldn't go with him because I'm not strong enough to fight big monsters like demons. But I don't think the train would of brought anyone who wasn't helpful at all and I bet you helped people even if you got a bit grumpy!

[light_of_willpower]

I get it.

[Again, said with understanding.]

Usually I'm the one brooding, so I should know how this goes. The only other thing I could offer would be to punch it all out. And if you want to do that, the offer is there, Della.

[guru_clef]

He looked so confused. "How in the world could you be useless?"

[averyusefultray]

Yeah.

[No sense denying that]

I'm not sure I mentioned that I'm a combat pilot. And train new recruits.

[theturksway]

Well, y-yeah...

[Ah, don't do this to him, Della.]

I mean, they take people with the best assets. Candidates with high scores at academy can get into the Turks that way, sure. But... not everyone does the training before the recruitment. Some of us...get recruited and then have to take the training.

[sos_pilot]

Last I checked, badges didn't help defend a person or keep them alive.

[ She sighs, then rubs her temples. ]

I'm... I'm not trying to be a jerk, I promise. It's just... not so easy to accept all the nice-ities once you've been kicking yourself for a while.

[ Then, with a side-eye - ]

You, of all people, should understand that.

[sos_pilot]

And I love this family! You know I do! It's just... I...

[ She lowers her head. Part of her agony is missing her flesh and blood family. Her uncle, her brother, her precious boys. ]

[sos_pilot]

... You have a spaceship?

[ Cause that's what it sounds like. While raising so, so many questions. ]

[sos_pilot]

Huh... yeah, I guess so.

[ She sighs, rubbing her face with her hands. ]

... I guess when you get like this, it's hard to remember all the good stuff and only see the bad. It's like wearing the opposite of rose-colored glasses... like, thorn covered ones?

[blitzcheer]

I get it. [ If he takes a moment to think about it, and then even then, barely that long- ] ...You know, I didn't know how to fight. Or use magic, or any of that stuff you said about feeling bad about. Before I showed up in Spira... I just played sports. That's who I was, what I did -- I was a blitzball player. And a good one! But- fighting fiends, travelling every day, all that stuff? It was hard. I was surrounded by people who'd had to grow up fighting just to survive, and to be honest...

I mean, there's no lying: I wasn't great at it. Everyone had to watch my back, and Yuna was healing me all the time. [ There's some humour as he admits it, underneath the tale. A humour that he picks up as he holds out a hand over the table. ]

You know? Zanarkand got attacked, and the guy with me said, [ in a gruff voice: ] 'I hope you know how to use it'.

Can you believe it? [ pah! ] I never saw a sword in person 'til then! He was outta his mind!

[ An exaggeration, but his point still stands!! ]

[sos_pilot]

... Am I allowed to say the pilot thing, even though I already said it before?

[ She sucks as a person, she knows it, but she knows her skills are top-notch. Uh, yay? ]

[sos_pilot]

[ Eh, they're both adults, she'll let it pass. And you look me in the eyes and tell me Donald has never sworn at least once. ]

... I've got plenty of points saved up too. Last thing I used them on was a sewing kit to make the badges, but I've got a whole chunk of "change" left over, if it'll help.

[sos_pilot]

That makes sense... I think.

[ it sure beats thinking about her own problems. ]

So, you become one guy, am I hearing that right? One mind and all that, it's all equally balanced?

[yondu]

Yeah, an' I'll see how much they bless me with this coupla weeks. Who the hell knows, seems random how much they give me.

[But he'll pitch in as much as he can get away with and see if the train takes it.]

[sos_pilot]

... Back up.

[ Zetta, what did you do to this child. Does she have to kick some pages. ]

You're Zetta's what now?

[sos_pilot]

... The training room was tempting. But I got worried I'd do more damage to myself letting it all out.