voidtreckernet | Voice - Backdated to Jelly 23

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Voice - Backdated to Jelly 23

[ Ple Two clears her throat. ...she may have sprinted out right after waking up again, this time to keep from screaming and distressing people further, before waiting a little bit for everyone to wake up more. ]

This is... Ple Two. I feel as though I need to apologize to anyone I may have hurt or threatened or otherwise... caused trouble for. Obviously that part of me can still be relevant, when a bizarre enough circumstance arises, so I hope I don't need to worry about mitigating that in the future.

[ She was such a pain in the ass she wants to fling herself out a window. ]

I'm also in the process of gathering the kitchen knives I hoarded as weapons, so please be a little more careful with concealed places.

[ Now to figure out how to not cry when she tracks Madoka down again. ]

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[ Are you going on a Madoka hunt after making this post, Ple Two. Because if so, it's thankfully not too hard to track the other girl down.

Because it's still early enough - and she's still feeling awkward enough on top of it - that she hasn't quite left their room yet. Madoka is just sitting on her bunk, idly staring at the ribbons she's holding. Like she wants to tie her hair into the usual pigtails, but is having some trouble finding the ability to give herself the encouragement she needs to face the day. ]

[ And back to their room she goes - since she hasn't heard from Madoka or seen her elsewhere, by the time she enters their car she can feel that she has to be there. For a moment, she pauses outside the door, though. ]

...you're awake?

[ Of course she is. Madoka's pretty consistent, unless Ple Two really hurt her more than she'd thought, which makes her stomach twist, so she tries to avoid that line of thinking any further. ]

[ Madoka's head immediately snaps in the direction of the doorway as soon as she hears the sound of that voice. Her eyes grow a little wider, but when she realises the look on Ple Two's face is so much different than the one she saw yesterday, her gaze softens a bit with relief.

Madoka smiles a bit, though it's awkward. ]

.. Uh-huh. How are you feeling..?

[ Ple Two tenses a little, biting her lip. Madoka doesn't seem to be scared of her, so that's a relief. ]

I'm uh, back to... normal.

[ With the addition of some fresh trauma, so that feels good. ]

...how... is your arm?

It's.. It's fine! I'm fine.

[ She holds up her hands, as if to show she's really fine. Look, she can move them! Maybe she's just a little sore still, but that's nothing Madoka can't handle.

And the last thing she wants is for Ple Two to feel guilty over the whole awkward experience when it wasn't even her fault.

In fact - no matter how painful the memory of yesterday is, maybe Madoka should be the one reaching out first here, to show she doesn't mind. ]

Come on.. Why don't you come sit here with me? [ Instead of awkwardly standing there. ]

A-are you sure? I could... I don't know, give you a... a massage?

[ It sounds lame coming out of her mouth, but she needs to feel like she's making it right. She hurt Madoka. Even if it was her from a long time ago, it was still her. ]

...if you're sure.

Edited 2021-02-23 00:32 (UTC)

[ Madoka nods. She's sure. It's obvious that Ple Two is back to normal, and there's no way she's going to keep the other girl away from her when Ple Two couldn't help it. When she only hurt her because it wasn't Ple Two - not with the same mindset as now.

So Madoka scoots over a little, patting the space next to her. Come sit down with her, please.. Look at these big silent puppy eyes staring at you, Ple Two. ]

[ Ple Two doesn't often have the creeping fear that she's going to snap and murder her friends any more, but it hasn't been completely banished no matter how unlikely it is now. Despite the near impossibility of that, she hurt her girlfriend.

Taking a deep breath, she cautiously steps over and sits next to Madoka. Of course she won't hurt her again. ]

[ For a moment, an incredibly slight moment, she just sits there.

Not because she's worried something may happen again. It's more likely just that she doesn't really know what to do. What would make this right? Madoka would prefer if she could just somehow erase yesterday's events altogether, if not just at least from Ple Two's mind.. but she knows that's impossible.

They'll have to live with this.

So before she even says anything, before words even come to her, Madoka moves her arm to hold Ple Two's hand firmly in her own, intertwining their fingers. ]

.. It's okay. [ She then says, the first thing, slowly. ] Don't feel too bad about what happened.. it really is okay.

[ Obviously, Madoka isn't afraid of her for whatever reason she might have, but Ple Two is still afraid of what she can do. Thank goodness she mostly ran into adults she couldn't really hurt that badly, and that she didn't know where her gun was kept, or it could've been much, much worse.

Tensing as she feels Madoka's hand, tears prick at her eyes. ]

Hurting you... isn't okay.

[ It's likely she wouldn't have gone too far. Madoka seems harmless, after all. Still, those aren't odds she wants to test. ]

I love you... and I'm supposed to take care of you. Even if I don't have... much of a chance to prevent things like that.

See, that's the whole point!

[ Madoka turns towards her, her voice becoming a bit more determined now. Not that she isn't still pretty emotional too about the whole thing, and still a little worried about certain things, but trying to reassure Ple Two takes priority over absolutely anything else here.

Especially when she sees those tears starting to well up in the other's eyes. ]

It's not your fault. You couldn't have prevented that. So.. Why would you feel bad about it..? You're the victim here. [ Of whatever caused certain people on the train to change. ]

[ Why does she have to remember it? Twisting Madoka's arm and slamming her against the wall, remembering vividly the thought that she just didn't mind if she dislocated or broke anything. It makes her nauseous. ]

I-I can be both... a victim and...

[ A deep breath. ]

What if it happens again?

[ That question is one she has much less of a ready answer for.

What if it happens again. Who knows? Madoka doesn't think she'll be any more prepared if it happens a second time. It'll still hurt just as much.

She doesn't turn her gaze away from the other girl, but Madoka does grow quiet for a moment due to a lack of an answer. ]

.. I don't know. [ She finally softly says. ] What should we do if it happens again..? We don't even know what caused it this time.

[ This is the first time. The next could be another year away, or more, or never, but it's risky. A younger Ple Two is more dangerous, compared to all the adults turning into cute little kids. ]

...you should probably find someone like Piccolo, at least.

[ He can probably restrain her without hurting her much, right? ]

Although it might be hard to... ah... escape me...

[ She slowly nods.

It's something Madoka can try, at least. No matter how hard it is to escape Ple Two when she's like that. She can try to escape the other girl and find Piccolo, though she doesn't like the idea of the other being restrained at all. ]

.. It's not fair.

[ Maybe this isn't exactly the most productive turn of conversation to have, but Madoka can't help it. She's still young too, after all, and this sentiment can't help but dawn upon her, hurt in her voice. ]

Why do we have to go through this? We haven't done anything wrong.. [ And yet they keep being hurt. Even though they're doing their best so much - for the train, for the missions. Then why does stuff like this happen? ]

[ 'It's because of me' she wants to say. It might not be her fault but that's also not an incorrect statement. Madoka would at least be going through different, probably more normal trials with a girlfriend who wasn't like Ple Two. Telling Madoka to go away isn't going to happen, though; that's exactly the sort of spot where she's most stubborn, and Ple Two is pretty sure she doesn't want to do anything that self-destructive at this point. ]

I guess I just can't avoid a... difficult life... no matter what I do...

[ To be this tired of this much happening at her age is a problem. ]

[ It's like her heart breaks a little inside of her chest at those words.

They're not words Ple Two of all people should be saying. When she still has so much of her life left to live. When she deserves so much better than what she's gone through. She shouldn't be losing hope-- not just because of something that happened to her outside of her own power. ]

N-no, you..

[ Madoka feels her chest growing tight, but she doesn't allow herself to full on cry when Ple Two is obviously having a harder time.

She wishes she could be more like a lot of the adults she's met here. People who always seem to know what to say.

Because right now, it feels like there's nothing she could say at all to help. ]

Y-You will have a better life. You deserve it.

[ Even if Madoka has never felt as powerless as she does right now to be able to make sure of that. ]

[ Lots of life left to mess up. Time to hurt, and be hurt. Ple Two's desperate to hold onto happiness where she can, and then one random misfortune sends her spiraling regardless.

She's relying on Madoka, so much, and that's going to hurt her too one day. ]

...I have you holding my hand...

[ Ple Two forces a smile, despite a tear breaking free. ]

I'm... already so blessed, just with that, even when... so many things break down.

[ At least she has Madoka. Madoka, who forgives anything, who's always there for her. ]

[ Just with that.

As if it's enough. It doesn't feel like enough. Madoka tries really hard to make it enough, but there's no way she can fix a life all by herself, when she's no one all that special.

The breath she releases is a little shakey. ]

I'm not.. going anywhere. [ Not now. Sure, Madoka is well aware she'll have to go back to her world one day, that she has an important duty to fulfill there -- but there's no way she'll do it before making sure Ple Two is okay. And not alone.

So she won't go right now. ]

No matter how many times it happens.. Y-You won't lose me, okay? I know I probably seem kind of upset right now, but it's not since you hurt me. [ Sure, it was scary. And Madoka really didn't like it, but there's no way she would abandon Ple Two and everything they have over that. ] I'm just.. I'm just worried. I don't like how much it hurts you, and the idea that it might keep happening.. That's only what makes me sad.

[ Not that her feelings are all that important here. It's just important to her that Ple Two knows that her upsetness isn't directly caused by the other girl. ]

So.. at least.. No matter how many times this happens again, don't worry about that, okay..?

[ It would be nice to not have to struggle. When she's alright, though, Madoka isn't - her father figures leaving, or her friend facing an existential crisis. Then back to Ple Two struggling against the person she was meant to be.

At this point, she's accepted that Madoka isn't going to leave her, but it still feels surreal at times.

They really need a pediatric therapist here. ]

...I'll hold onto you as long as you let me.

[ Then track her down to her own world if she must. Hell or high water feel like nontrivial threats compared to what she might actually face. ]

I'm scared of hurting you, because I know I can. If it was worse...

[ It might never be. But it could be. That's difficult to face. ]

I-I suppose our luck needs to shape up eventually, r-right?

It's okay. Even if.. Even if it'd go that far, I think it would somehow end up okay..

[ At least physically. It's not as if Madoka can't fight at all, so as long as she can put some space between her and Ple Two and be near her bow, she'll at least have some means to defend herself.

Not to mention it's a small train. If she'd just scream, enough people would come over to help. Especially since she knows so many of them so well.

It's more just.. that it's something she doesn't enjoy thinking about. Having to try and fight someone she loves so much. It doesn't feel right. ]

But.. let's not think about that. [ Because she doesn't want to. Because it hurts, like an ache in her chest every time she thinks about yesterday. ] Let's just be glad everything is back to normal now..

[ Scream really, really loud. Someone who can restrain Ple Two will show up - it's not hard when she's unarmed given the grown adults with combat experience. ]

...let's just... put it away for now then...

[ Sighing, she leans against Madoka, and releases her hand just to wrap an arm around her. ]

[ The arm is welcome. The (mostly emotional) pain is still real, and feels even more palpable after this talk in particular.

But Madoka tries to push it down the best she can. This shouldn't be about her. Ple Two needs her more than anything now, and being for her is absolutely the right thing to do at the moment. ]

Yes. You should rest, yesterday must have been tiring.. [ If her personal encounter with the other was any indication, anyway. ] .. we could lie down and nap together for a bit. I don't think anyone is going to miss us for an hour or two more.

[ And doesn't Ple Two want cuddles? Potentially need them? ]

[ They can't just ignore it and never talk about it, right? So even though it's killing her to think about it, putting it into words has to be better than bottling it up.

Ple Two still hates the feeling that she's relying on Madoka without offering enough in return, though. ]

I... got into a bit more trouble, yeah.

[ Nearly stabbed some people. Like............... why does that one teenage girl feel so familiar now that she thinks about it? ]

So I'd like that.

...

[ Madoka lets out a slight breath. She doesn't like it. The idea that Ple Two went around hurting people, or almost hurting people.

But she doesn't hate it because the other girl did bad things. No, she hates it because she knows it'll just cause more hurt. That it'll give Ple Two more guilt, and make things even more difficult.

So she gently tugs the other girl along to lie down along with her on the bunk they're sitting on. Grabbing the covers and drawing them over the both of them. ]

If you want.. we can go look for the people you had trouble with after this. And.. um, I can help you talk to them.

[ Not because she doesn't think Ple Two couldn't apologize by herself, but Madoka would just like to attach herself to the other girl as moral support for the day, really. ]

[ Ple Two doesn't want to be like this. Most days, she's actually fine - she's making friends, and a lot of the stronger adults barely even registered that she was trying to fight them. It still frightens her.

She follows Madoka's lead, lying down with Madoka, pressing against her. Feeling her warmth. Listening to her heartbeat and breath. ]

...that might make it easier...

Then I'll come with you for sure.

[ Even if it's just for moral support. Even if it's just to - quite literally - hold her hand through it, or something along those lines. Or if she actually has to speak up too, even that's fine with her. Madoka doesn't mind playing the mediator.

After all, being able to help out with any of it may help to make the memories of that awful day yesterday fade. To feel like they're working towards something progressive, rather than worrying about a repeat - no matter how real the possibility. ]

I'll stay with you all day... [ So Ple Two won't have to worry about a thing.

So - hopefully - neither of them will have to worry about anything. ]

...thanks.

[ Madoka won't need to speak. Ple Two is sure no one will be angry about it. Right? Still, having her on hand will feel... better. ]

Every second, huh?

[ She smiles at Madoka, laughing... a little bit. ]

Y-yes!

[ Ple Two may be joking, but as Madoka stammers out that answer, she sounds very serious about this. Every second means every second, don't even doubt her for a moment! She's determined now! ]

Absolutely every moment. Every second. No matter how long you need it, I'll be there.

[ And - as if to prove it - her arms gently move around the other to hold her even as they lie here in bed, all cuddled together. ]

[ Madoka sounds serious huh? ]

Mm. ...I'm glad.

[ There are some less serious things she would say if she hadn't started this off in a bad mood. Alas, missed opportunities. ]

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Voice - Backdated to Jelly 23

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